A
female
age
30-35,
*elojeep22
writes:I'm only seventeen, but I have been dating my current boyfriend for eight months. He isn't what you would call the perfect "bring home to meet mom" kind of guy but he's very sweet. The only problem is he smokes cigarettes. Now to most people this isn't a big deal but ever since I started noticing the opposite sex I've hated smokers. It didn't matter who he was, he could be David Beckham, but if I saw a cigarette in his hands I would pass him by. Now August, he is staying in his own apartment with a friend. His roommate smokes cigarettes like they are candy, what do I care about him? I don't have to kiss him. For at least a month I haven't seen him smoke but one or two. Until lately... it's just now occurring to me that because his roommate smokes so much, his habit has gotten worse. Just today, from noon to five in the afternoon he had five cigarettes. That's one per hour. I couldn't help but feel helpless! My grandfather used to say, never date anyone you wouldn't marry, dating is a person's way of sorting to find what he/she is compatible with. I figured, I'm seventeen, right now I just want to have fun, I know I'm not going to marry him, I would never marry a smoker. This "fun" I've been having is quickly turning into love, which makes everything so much worse. I can't get upset for him smoking because I've let it go on so long, I have no power left. Because I love him, I don't want to lose him, but when I see him smoke so often I feel upset and angry I want to break it off, just leave the whole situation, but I can't... I love him. I've been blindsided and just end up getting in terrible moods constantly because I want him, just not with a cigarette in his hand. Is there anything I can do? I'm afraid I have nothing left to do; I have to accept it or break it off.
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female
reader, penta +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Ask him to quit. Tell him it was okay when you were just having fun, but now that you're falling for him you need to have him make a choice. Tell him you'll understand if he chooses smoking over you, but you'll be gone because it's not a choice you would make. Don't be a nag, just hold your head up and walk away.
You don't want to expose yourself or your future children to second hand smoke. You don't want your future house / clothes / etc. to smell like that. You don't want to potentially lose your mate too early in life to cancer. Your grandfather was very wise; don't date someone you wouldn't marry.
A
female
reader, Blackruby  +, writes (13 August 2007):
I am in the same situation, just opposite roles. I'm the smoker, he's not. To start with he tried to get me to stop, even threatening to break up with me. That just annoyed me, I don't want to stop and I am certainly not going to stop for someone else. In fact, I'd smoke more, just to annoy him.
Ask your boyfriend if he wants to quit smoking, if he does, great. If not, then it's up to you to decide if you can live with it or not. My boyfriend decided he could and is as ok with it as he is gonna get, in the end, it's different for each couple.
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A
male
reader, niceguy07 +, writes (13 August 2007):
 the only thing i can advise because i am in a similiar situation is to ask him straight to stop smoking. then throw some hard facts at him. dont come off as one of those "truth" commercials, but show genuine concern for his well being and ultimately for yours. i was a smoker for 3 years and i was able to quit cold turkey. it depends on how long he has been smoking, if its been less than a year then he should have no problem. and if u say u love him, age does not matter if u feel what u feel then there is no denying it, back him up on quitting. that is the approach to take if u wanna stay with him. if u feel if u are too young and there are many other people to meet, then give him the ultimatum, you or cancer. chances are he'll choose cancer.
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