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female
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*ango
writes: My ex-boyfriend wont respond to me regarding our new baby!First Im married and I had an affair for two years Things were not going good with my husband and I. I just wasnt in love with him anymore but I was to afraid to leave him. I met this guy and after being friends for awhile we started an affair. We fell head over heals for each other. There was a huge age gap though, Im 28 hes 20! So we had a lot of differences but we had a lot in common as well. Everything was goin great till he decided we just wouldnt work out. We argued a lot and only saw each other for about a week out of every month but we talked like 5 hrs a day. We lived 4 hrs away from each other.A few weeks went by and I was late. I took a pregnancy test it came up positive. I went up there to tell him and he was freakin out so he decided to come clean to his mother about the affair he has been having.She freaked out. So we got a blood test and it showed up negative. So naturally his mother was like she faked it, she just did that to get back together with you, blah blah. So basically she forced him to end all contact with me. She had him change his number, the whole nine yards. He loves his Mom more than anything and did what she said....So last week I was still sick, no period so I took another blood test and IT WAS POSITIVE! I didnt believe it so I got another one with the same result. I still didnt believe it so I had them do an ultrasound and yup Im pregnant!I overnighted the results to him. I called him at work and asked if he got the package, he said No. So I assumed his parents threw it away! I called his house left a message on the phone telling them what was in the package, still no response. Im sure they didnt give him the message. I emailed him the results, no response. I called and told him at work and he just said " I have to go".What do I do? Im pregnant with his baby, 100% sure its his. He wont even respond to say anything! Why wont he respond? I just dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): okay you should go ahead and file child support on him although you love him but love isn't nothing but a 4 letter word.... really you should follow your heart and your dreams
A
female
reader, Mango +, writes (17 September 2006):
Mango is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst thanks for all your advice guys. I really appreciate it.
Yes I still live with my husband, however he knows I'm very unhappy and we are gettin divorced.
I never really thought the ex would be with me because he thought of it as a thrill. I honestly thought he loved me. I can't believe how he fooled me. I guess if he ever loved me he would have never done the things he did to me. Im sure this is payback for what I did to my husband
I decided I'm gonna have a baby. I'm just gonna have to live with the fact that the baby's dad wants nothing to do with him. I guess I just dont understand how someone could be "ok" with knowing they are having a baby and just not care. How can you ignore something like that? I guess it shows the type of person they truly are.
Once again thanks for all the advice and support ^^
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A
female
reader, sarah y +, writes (16 September 2006):
Ok firstly,are you still living with your husband?If so you need to move out and move on.Secondly your affair with this younger man has resulted in a pregnancy,this younger man obviously is not mature enough to become a father.Men generally find it a big turn on and ego boost when they sleep with a more experienced and older woman,as you now know,the only problem is they are not mature or resposible enough when it comes to deal with very real and adult issues,like this one.Somehow you need to get through to him and the only way i see this is if you get his mum on your side as quite obviously she means alot to him.He needs to wisen up to his parental duty or face the consquences of paying child maintanence.I suggest you seek help in the form of citizens advice bureau as they can give you free advice on legal matters from an objective point of view also sort out your necessary checks regarding your pregnancy.Just remember there is an innocent unborn child in all of this mess.........Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Helen1986  +, writes (16 September 2006):
 I am sorry to hear that hunny. Unfortunately he is scared, he is only twenty and has his whole life ahead of him. I know this is going to sound harsh but it is my opinion, okay?
I think he was really excited at the thought of having an affair at the age of twenty with an older woman. That is most blokes fantasy at his age. I dont think he really ever wanted anything serious.
The biggest problem you have though is the fact that his mum is getting involved. He obviously has a lot of respect for his mum and listens to what she tells him. I think that somehow you need to get through to his mother because with her on your side I am sure he too will come round to the idea of being a father. You need to tell her that you were not using her son and you genuinely like him, also tell her that you didnt get pregnant to trap him. The main thing to do is remind her that the baby is her grandchild.
If they do not come round to the idea then your best bet is to leave it until you have had your child because you need to be careful and stress free whilst your pregnant and the constant arguing will do you no good. I wish you luck hunny.
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A
female
reader, burningbridges  +, writes (16 September 2006):
I'm afraid you're going to have to go through this pregnancy yourself. It's not fun, but this boy is obviously not capable of dealing with you in a mature fashion. If you want the kid, have it. You can sue for paternity, for the sake of the child... but that’s it.
However, your affair is a major ethical no-no. Either divorce that husband or treat him like he deserves. Having an affair in a culture that allows divorce is simply dreadful. You promised your husband a pair bond, so you are in contract violation.
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