A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys.so I have a problem and really need advice because its eating me up completely!so im 21 and im a student.and me and a friend were on an online dating website about a week ago just looking and we decided to make me a profile. I gave a fake name, fake age (I said I was 23) and also fake hometown. I honestly was just having a bit of a laugh because it was one of those sites where people flirt more than get seriuos.Except I met a guy who seems completely amazing. He's 26. and we've been chatting nonstop for 5 days now. hes a complete gentleman and he has told me he hasn't liked someone so much for a long time. and hes just so sweet and perfect for me.Except I don't know how to tell him the truth.Iv been trying for 3 days now but Im so nervous about how he will react.Help me guys! I feel so awful because he is so lovely!How shall I do it?thank youxx.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): The longer you let a lie carry on for, the harder it gets to tell the truth and the more it will hurt the person you've been lying to. So if you care about this chap; tell him as soon as possible.I agree with the poster further down that recommends that you start with explaining to him how you only started on the site for a bit of fun... and that you honestly never expected to find someone that you click so well with. Just explain to him that because you care for him, you need to tell him the truth; that you created false details because you were nervous to give out your real identity- but that you want to tell him about the real you, because you trust him and want to get to know him.(Of course there IS a slight risk here that he will then admit that he's actually 16 and from Timbuktu).You described that 'he has told me he hasn't liked someone so much for a long time. and he’s just so sweet and perfect for me.'The only way you can make this connection work is by telling him the truth, but it really sounds like he's worth trying for. Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you!
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (15 August 2011):
 In the circumstances, because everything is fake, I would close your account down and don't contact him. It's 5 days, it's not the end of the world. Close the account now and move on. That way you have stopped things quickly. Let things go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): To the aunt/uncle who stated below "if this guy is as lovely as you say he is, he should understand" my response is "why the hell should he?" I'm a lovely guy (according to all my female friends) but there's no way I would understand. I would feel hurt and messed around. I wouldn't necessarily be angry and abusive to the poster but there's no way I would just roll over and say "hey that's fine and carry on as before".
Funny how lying when it's online rather then real life is somehow more acceptable.
OP, you must be honest and hope and pray this guy is lovely and wishes to continue talking to you. If he does, you must be 100% honest about everything in future and make him realise you're not as stupid as your behaviour was.
Sheesh.
So many women get jerked around by guys on these sites and call all us guys asses when it happens just as much on the other foot, that women set up these profiles "for a laugh" with friends, little realising that they could really hurt someone or give hope to someone who has had a run of bad dates when the carpet is about to pulled from under their feet. Someone they thought was X is now Y and trust is gone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): You know, there is a chance he gave fake information too. Be careful with people you meet online.
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A
male
reader, Ronnie70 +, writes (15 August 2011):
 There's a very good chance that he isn't being totally truthful about his details either.
Just tell him the truth, it's not going to make much difference to any possible outcome is it?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Well be prepared for his reaction - he is NOT going to take this well. No-one would laugh this off, or say "oh its ok I still like you" - you have lied to him for nearly a week and he will wonder what else you have lied about. He wont be able to trust a word you have said and he may not be able to get over this.
However if you continue chatting to him without telling the truth, it will only get worse. The longer it goes on, the more likely it is that he wont be able to get over this.
Send him a message saying something like this:
"I have to be honest with you, I joined this dating site for a laugh with my friend, I have used a fake age, name and hometown. I wanted to come clean with you because I never expected to meet someone on here, let alone someone I like as much as I like you. I know this is unforgiveable, I feel so awful but I want to make things right by being honest with you now. I am actually 21, my name is xxxx and I live in xxxx. I have not lied about anything else, it was just those few details and I really hope in time you could think about fogiving me as I would not want to lose you over something so stupid as this."
All you can do is be honest and hope for the best - but dont expect him to be ok because chances are, he wont be able to move past this. You have only known each other for a short time and he will feel like it has all been a lie, so he may find it easier just to forget about you and move on, rather than try and get to know this new person all over again and try and trust you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, soul83  +, writes (15 August 2011):
Well, how far from the truth is your profile? I imagine that now you are both talking, you've shared a lot more details than were put up on your profile. So he already knows more of the truth.
I wouldn't tell him outright just yet that you lied unless you want to lose him. I imagine he would be embarrassed and humiliated if he felt like he was hooked into some false joke.
Don't tell him and just take it easy chatting to him and just wait until the time is right to send him your pic (if you are comfortable with this) and start to talk about your hometown etc.
No need to reveal the complete truth at this time. Just introduce it into casual conversation when you are both more comfortable chatting with each other.
Good luck and hope you have found your match!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): The best thing to do is just to be honest as soon as possible. Tell him you started out on this dating website just for laughs not realizing that something would develop with someone and that you meant no harm. If he is the "lovely" guy you say he is then he should understand. If he reacts badly, then he's not the guy you thought he is and isn't worth it. Oh, also, I wouldn't give him your real name until after you tell him about your age. You should wait for his reaction first then go from there.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 Send him a message and say it was a joke at first but he changed that. Tell him how much you like him.
Good Luck!
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