A
male
age
51-59,
*heated
writes:hello all, i pretty much no the answers to the question i am going to ask, but i spose i want some reasurance that i am right.for the past 3 months or so my wife and i have only had sex twice. this is playing on my mind big time as to me she is acting very simular to when she was cheating on me 2 yrs ago.pretty much sure she isn't cheating again as i no everywhere she is.we have had some stress lately with our eldest daughter moving back home with her son(she was a drug user) and she is a lazy little girl. never cleans after herself and the language from her mouth is unbelievable. we have also found out she is pregnant to a guy she has been seeing that we do not approve of. we only allowed her to return home due to us being concerned of her sons welfare.but all of this has gotten to the point that i am not excited to leave work anymore to go home. i knoswit will be the same shit every night and i am scared that i am loosing the spark. also i have been thinking more and more about sleeping with someone else.i love my wife so much, more than i have ever loved anyone else before, and it is really scareing me that i am actually thinking this way....should i just ride this wave out, i cant talk to my wife about how i feel as she will only think i am saying it to get her back for when she cheated on me..
View related questions:
cheated on me, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (10 January 2010):
 Its interesting that you mentioned how much you love your wife, yet vacillate on forgiving her or forgetting.
My advice to you is to try and forget the past infidelity of your wife, and try and get closer to her right now. You had said in your original post: "I love my wife so much, more than I have ever loved anyone else before, and it is really scaring me that I am actually thinking this way...."
To me that says that you're fooling yourself if you believe that you haven't forgiven your wife for her screwup. And obviously she is still with you. So its best to try and make things better for both of you.
Its hard to forget painful things in the past, but remember that if she is that much of a rock in your life, then you want to protect that rock from negative and toxic influences.
That includes avoiding affairs with other women and frankly throwing the daughter out of the house finally.
There is an old Chinese saying that says where there is one woman running the house there is peace. Where there are two women running the house, there's war.
It seems the Chinese philosopher who came up with that proverb had your home-life nailed to the wall.
Get rid of the toxic brat, get back with your wife and love her.
A
male
reader, cheated +, writes (10 January 2010):
cheated is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all so much for the replies, to answer some of the questions, NO i have never cheated on my wife. as for getting my daughter a house and helping with the bills, i have told her she can do it all on her own. she left home when she was 16 as she didnt like playing by the rules then. we had set her up in a house and the rent contract and utilities bills were in our name(we had to do this as she was under age). this in return had left us in the red as she wasnt paying the bills on time if at all.
also i found out my wife was cheating long ago when someone i know say her leave a party with a guy. i had probed certain questions around and found out more. when i confronted her she denied it untill after laying all the facts that i had on the table she finally told the truth.
as for have i forgave her... not really, trying to but i will never ever forget..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): I think you may have to make the difficult choice to ask you daughter to get help or leave. This will be best for you and she. Sleeping with someone will only add to the unhappiness. Take your energy and take charge of your home that will increase your standing as the protector and man of the house. You wife will find you irresistable if you do this. She may resist but be resolute and do what you must. Your daughter will get help when she Is ready, you are making it easy for her to take no responsibility.
...............................
A
female
reader, concerned2009 +, writes (9 January 2010):
 I believe what you need to do is sit down and talk to your wife. Sometimes the stress of everyday life really wears us down. You need to tell her that you love her. Be passionate with her and show her how you really feel about her.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): You need to realize that your relationship to your wife is your first priority. Your daughter is jeopardizing your sanity so you need to do the hard thing and tell your daughter that she cannot live with you. Help her find a place to live where you perhaps can assist with the bills. Contact a social agency that can help her deal with her issues and the upcoming baby.You certainly don't want to go down with the Titanic, so to speak, if she lives with you.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (9 January 2010):
 Ride this out, and become her love and support. It sounds like she is facing the same trials as you with family. Be her rock of courage. Bear the brunt of your difficulties as partners, and in near time I'll bet intimacy will return, perhaps better than ever. Best wishes.
...............................
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (9 January 2010):
Hi,
I really feel for you on this one. What you wrote:
"[I] love my wife so much, more than [I] have ever loved anyone else before, and it is really scaring me that i am actually thinking this way...."
says it right there.
And this is what you have to tell your wife. You love her so much that you need her right now. That's right tell her you need her.
Tell her you can't stand coming home to what amounts to an emotional battle zone.
As for the daughter. You need to handle her differently. She's obviously a girl who has trashed out her life and is dragging her problems into your home and doing nothing to make your lives (as a couple) easier, but in fact destroying your happiness.
There's a limit to being loving and good hearted with someone who has no desire to see you happy. The daughter is miserable and she will do everything in her power to make you and your wife both miserable, just to feel good about herself. That's right. The daughter's selfish and irresponsible.
The grand child obviously needs to be protected. Perhaps you should agree to keep the grandchild living in your home, but tell the daughter to take her and her trashy mouth and boyfriend and leave.
Its obvious that the girl has failed to see that what is an act of love and kindness is being abused to the breaking point.
You and your wife cannot afford to put yourselves out like this and sacrifice your peace, joy and happiness together for a loser.
If the daughter were a decent woman, she'd do everything in her power to see to it that she cleaned up not only after herself, but her child and kept the trashy boyfriend the hell away from you and your household.
Obviously this is where the nail hits the wood. You have to take charge of things and the first step is honestly looking at your wife and telling her you love her so much that its hurting you to have "fleeting" thoughts as the ones you've described.
I certainly hope and wish the best for you and her, and with any luck the daughter will either change her ways or leave you two alone in peace.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 January 2010):
Well you have to talk to her, because something is wrong. The more you don't talk the worse this will get. It won't just go away. I think perhaps the stress is getting to her. Ask her about how she feels and just take a bit of time over her. Hopefully she'll open up.
...............................
|
