A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To cut a long story short... Me and my Boyfriend had been together nearly 5 years.. Living togetther for 3. He tells me one day he no longer loves me and we break up.. very messy as I was devestated. He then met someone else for 2 months then told me he had made a mistake and begged me back. We got back together and things have been fine for 6 months. I still cant get him and her out my head even though we were not actually together at the time.. It hurts to think after 5 years it only took him a few weeks to sleep with someone else and spend time with her...How can I get over this or do I cut my loses and walk away?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2011): Thanks for your answers.... I did end up sleeping with other people during our break too.. At the time his parents were splitting up and he just started a new job with a load of younger lads always out on the pull and flirting.. I really believe he thought the grass was greener and felt like we were an old married couple. He got into doing drugs and went out most weekends / nights with these lads....Its no excuse and im not making excuses for him but think this is why it has happened and he also admitted that. It was about 2 months from him first telling me that he wasn't sure what was going on in his head anymore to the day he told me he no longer loved me.. Begged me back for 2 months before I moved back in with him.I have tried to talk to him about what happened but he never wants to go over it...
A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 It sounds to me like he broke up with you to be with the other woman and when things didn't pan out with her, he came running back to you. I personally would tell him to kick rocks. Five years together and he suddenly doesn't love you anymore?
You don't just wake up one day and say to yourself, "Hey, I don't love that person anymore." It happens over time and it sounds like perhaps she was part of that reason.
Consider your options. Can you ever give him your trust again, fully? Is there a way you can get the two of them together out of your head? There can't be a relationship without trust, it just doesn't work and if you think that you can't give him your trust back, then I would let him go.
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Why did he leave the first time? You need to get a better understanding of that and you also need to know why he wanted to come back. People make mistakes all the time, but does he know what exactly the mistake was? Did he simply think that the grass was greener? Was he wanting time to find himself and he feels that he's done that now? If so, what did he discover?I think that you are having a hard time getting her w/ him out of your head because you may feel deep down that he may have left you for her. If you are ever to put it to rest, you must get a firm and full understanding as to why he left and why he came back. If you just don't feel comfortable with it, then it may be time to move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I so agree with birdymummas. Call it woman's intuition but I smell a fish here......I think you need to sit down and thrash this one out. If you cant trust him you will never be able to move forewards. Did she dump him by the way? There is more to this.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): Like the post here already says, I think maybe he broke up with you to go out with her. The other man's grass always being greener etc, but as least he didn't cheat. Then realised what he'd lost. Put it down to a wobble on his part. He actually wanted you and if all is well with both of you now, I would really try to put this girl out of your head. It was a brief liason that didn't work, while you were not on the scene. Don't agonize about it as you may destroy what you have with imaginings
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): he came back after 2 months bec his relationship with the other woman did not work out.i also think he was with her BEFORE he broke your heart.you have been deeply hurt by his betrayal. perhaps you need to examine whther you are better off without him. he trampled on your heart, he moved on without a moments thought to you, when his fling did not work out, he ran back to you. what happens when he tells you he doesnt love you again? another woman on the horizon? this man is playing with your heart. make a decision and stick to it. what stops him from trampling on you again/ from crushing your heart again.Sadly you will never get over this. this pain really does cut the deepest. confront him, ask him outright 9he will deny it btw) but have the guts to question him. this man just passed his sell by date in your life. Hun, you deserve better.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): I hate to break this to you, but it as sure as sin he was with her and that was the reason for the breakup. Most guys do not break up and date again that quick. She was in his life already. 99% sure.In such short spans of time, it is not unusual for you to be hurt by his other relationship. You can't cover that up just because you guys werent officially together. It takes time to move on....2 months is nothing.He wanted something that was missing, had some fun with a new girl, felt you were better and came back.I am not one of these people who thinks harshly of people who make mistakes, and would suggest you dump him because he is being selfish. I would, however, let him know he's being selfish, but if you love him, tell him he has to do two things: 1) EARN your respect and convince you of his love, and 2) get to the root of why he felt the need ot leave. He didn't think you were good enough before...now he does...WHY??? You need solid answers, and I hope it wasnt something shallow, like he liked sex with you more. Get him to show commitment. If this relationship stands a chance, you have to be 110% sure he is in earnest this time. I believe in second chances, but be sure he is not taking advantage. Accepting him again puts you in a vulnerable position if he is a philanderer.If things have been good tho, it is quite likely he needed contrast and comparison in the relationship. To me that shows insecurity and indecision on his part. You dont try on girlfriends like a pair of shoes and pick the best fit. But keep in mind with some poeple this is just an insecurity or lack of self awareness...in others, it is a habit of self indulgence: get bored and find a new toy. Get bored, go back to old toy. It's a juvenile thing, but many people ar elike that in relationships. Be careful.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 "He tells me he no longer loves me suddenly and we break up" - sounds like she might have been in the picture back then and CAUSED the breakup to me; sneaking suspicion... Sorry - always the skeptic.
The one thing that a relationship can't survive is a lack of trust. If you can't give him that, honestly, you might have to let him go.
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