A
female
age
41-50,
*linkeysprite
writes:I've been married to a wonderful man for 3 years now and we've been together for 10. I am in love with my husband, even though he is very paranoid. He needs to call me and check up on me every now and then and this has been the case for the past 10 years. He is not a people's person and has social anxiety. That is, he won't chat up people or be friendly with them, whether it is my friends or family. Even with his family he is a very quiet, withdrawn person. Now all this never bothered me initially and it is one of the reasons why i fell in love with him.We don't really talk much but understand each other well and have a good marriage. My brother who lives with us commented on the fact that he behaves indifferently towards me. Now I never have great expectations and I am very tolerant of people if I love them. So this just didn't bother me all that much.Two months ago, I fell for this younger guy from work. He is the very opposite of who my husband is, outgoing, fun, party animal sort of a dude. He initiated it by flirting mildly and I found myself reacting to that vibe because it was a great ego boost that a man who is not my husband would find me attractive. He continues to flirt with me, and I have been trying to keep all my feelings to myself but I doubt if he knows how I feel. I don't want to act on anything and destroy my marriage. Especially since I have a family member who has done that and I have been badly affected by it. But at the same time I do have pretty strong feelings for this guy, as in I think about him all the time.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (14 January 2011):
 Of course you're flattered by attention from another man, who isn't? Makes us feel good knowing that we are still attractive to other people and it doesn't sound like your husband is dishing out the attention by the hand full.
I wouldn't act on your feelings while you are still in your marriage with your husband. Are you sure you have feelings for this guy or is it perhaps that this guy embodies what your husband is lacking right now? I would try to put some spark back into your relationship with your husband and try to make that work first.
A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (14 January 2011):
I think that love and lust are two totally different things and I don't think that you really "love" this other person. But maybe you do, only you know that.When you first meet a person that you have a connection with you have the feeling of lust...almost to the point they can do no wrong. Only after really getting to know that person and that person getting to know you do you develop "love".I think that it is just a physical attraction, which everyone has from time to time. I admire your character in not wanting anything to happen with this person. Your best option is to distance yourself from the temptation!Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): It can certainly feel that way. It is perfectly natural, to be flattered by the attention of a younger man, just don't do anything about it, I would say distance yourself as much as you can from him and stop reacting to his flirting you are in a real danger zone, but careful you don't cross the line. Redirect your time and energy into you husband, remember the way he is one of the reasons you fell in love with him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2011):
 While I believe you CAN love more than one person at a time, I do not think what you feel for the guy at work is love.Lust maybe, limerence perhaps, animal sexual chemistry maybe... Flirting when you are married is fun... but it can be dangerous... I'm a natural flirt and so is my husband so we are both ok with the other partner flirting and having flirtatious friendships; but we talked about it and mapped out our personal guidelines to what is permissible within our marriage together. If you and your husband have not discussed this and mapped out what is permissible and not permissible in your marriage you can't take any actions.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (14 January 2011):
 It's natural to develop crushes on people throughout the tenure of a relationship, the key is if you act on it or not. I highly suggest that you do not act on this. You would be hurting a lot of people in the process, and if this guy is like you describe, you'd probably just be a fling to him anyway.
I suggest you take some of those tingly feelings he gives you back to your husband and try to stoke the fires of your relationship together with them. Your choices define your character. I hope your character is good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2011): "He needs to call me and check up on me every now and then and this has been the case for the past 10 years." some men have an inbuilt six sense. in your hbs case it has proven correct.you have been flirting, sexually with another man. you are losing the trust and honest bestowed upon you. is an affair worth the destruction of your marriage? my hb is also not a talker, not a "peoples person", somewhat reserved, but he values relationships, and he LOVES HIS WIFE. your hb is also the same as well. I love my hb and will never trade him for any smooth talking con artist! and this is what your work fling is. a man who disrespects peoples marriages, a man who cares nothing for married women and basically he was looking for the fool to fall for his smooth charms. he struck the jackpot when you started flirtin g back.where will it all end. in disgrace. for you.it is time you stopped taking your hb for granted. value his decent vlaues. value that he is faithful and that he has eyes only for you. if you want to be with another man, no one here can stop you. do what you will but pay the price. I work with so many different professional people. most of them charismatic, worldly, people persons, fun loving and bubbly. But i NEVER cross the line. Why? bec i respect myself. and that is the simple truth.LoveGirl
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