A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello I am in need of some help , because male behavior confuses me. The fellow I had been dating for almost 3 years had broke up , we recently started dating again not a realtionship but going out on dates . When we go out we have a great time , but the next couple of days there will be a lull without much contact . At that point I usally become frustrated and I will tell him maybe this is pointless and we should both move on . He will then become very attentative tell me he loves me and how much he misses us and does want a commitment in the future.This behavior confuses me . Does he really want me or is this some kind of game to keep me around :( Why after such a great time does he ignore me and then become so attentive when I tell him I don't see a future. ?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 September 2010):
 OP wrote:
A reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010):
This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
We broke up over fixable issues . He is pretty laid back overall .
3 years is hard to just toss away .
3 years IS hard to just toss away, I get that, but if he doesn't want to change a thing ( since he is getting SOMETHING out of this thing, you two got going right now) you might end up sticking with him for 4-5 years and STILL not get the kind of commitment you want. At some point you either have to accept that he will not change/doesn't want to change or move on.
One thing I have learned is thinking you can change a man is futile.
For you these are fixable issues.. IF he just change who he is.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe broke up over fixable issues . He is pretty laid back overall .
3 years is hard to just toss away .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 September 2010):
Seems to me he is stringing you along till he finds something "newer".
You want a relationship, he wants a "girl" on his arm on occasion.
I think you should tell him it's over and find yourself a guy who wants to be with you ALL the time, not just when it's convenient.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Then it is a bit mysterious :). Let's give him the benefit of the doubt , and say that he thinks about committing to you, he's just not ready to do it yet.
At this point though, rather than tryng to guess what is going on in his mind, I think YOU should choose how long you are gonna wait for his decision. He may need to think it over, or to sort out things in his life, etc,etc.- but how much do YOU think is a reasonable time for this process ?
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (13 September 2010):
 Just saw the followup, well it does changes things a bit but still I'd say you should do the good old "make him chase you" thing and see how it goes, or at least that's what I'd do...
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn +, writes (13 September 2010):
CindyCares might have a point so if you like him, I'd advise you to try the following: no sex for a while, never call him 1st. The idea is that he comes to a situation where he has to be attentive all of the time cause he's not even sure if you care - you'll hopefully know if you two have a future by analyzing his behaviour then. Good luck
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A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (13 September 2010):
Yes, it's a game - a psychological game that may take too long to explain in detail.
The real question here is: How does one make a relationship work well? Exactly how do you communicate in a relationship so everyone gets what they want and all problems and issues are SOLVED? How do you effectively challenge 'mind games' and get to a satisfying relationship with just about anyone?
The bottom line in any relationship is KNOWLEDGE....the knowledge to be and do effective, loving, friendly things to make it all work right. That knowledge involves some study and practice to put into action and it's your responsibility to learn how and then introduce your partner to that knowledge/information. Otherwise, go on blindly bumbling through and getting hurt by not knowing anything.
google: relationship tips and get started knowing something valuable.
:) Jim
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo cindycares ,
The dates don't invole sex. I told him I won't sleep with him until I a commited relationship , since we are not offically together I will NOT
have sex with him .
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (13 September 2010):
Do these dates involve sex I suppose ?
If yes, then his behaviour it's no so mysterious.
He wants to keep his FWB. Men are lazy- they are creatures of habit.If you should dump him for good, he would have to go through the hassle to secure himself another playmate- and that spurs him to put that much of effort and attention in your relationship, that will keep you at his disposal. But no more effort and attention than what is strictly necessary for this purpose.
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