A
male
age
36-40,
*ottenhamhotspur
writes:I just got out of counselling over an issue that I am having a very hard time forgiving myself for.I want to see if what I did would be forgiven, generally, particularly with an explaination and proper apology. In breif, I made an akward move on a woman years ago and kissed her on a bar patio, and touched her butt under her pants very breifly. I feel horrible about what a I did- though I have no idea if she was as offended- or offended at all- as I lead myself to beleive.Essentially, I know that what I did was wrong, and at the very least immature and stupid. It was a product of curiousity, inexperince and alcohol, and though these are not excuses, I want to ensure that my actions were not meant to be harmful or malicious. I was going through a phase where I thought I might be afriad of physical connections with people because I had so few- and felt that perhaps those that went out and got those experiences were better off for it. I didn't know what or how I was going into it. I did the butt touch, I beleive, because it happened (with both parties) on a rare earlier occasions years ago. I guess it brought me back to that.Would you forgive someone if they did this, particularly if they told you what I did?I just want to be sure that I am not a monster or terrible, horrible person. I acknowledge my mistake and am sorry for it.
View related questions:
immature, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cheeks  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 I'm sorry you've felt turmoil over this so strongly because it's not a rare thing for guys to do & it happens to chicks all the time. If it weren't for your guilt that's plagued you over this I would be inclined to say you're being kind of silly. But I'm sure what you feel is real but please don't let it bother you anymore. You're obviously much more considerate a man than most out there & unless you injured or traumatized these women, I think it would be safe to say you could have very well have made their day. Creepy as it may be, it's kind of flattering when a guy finds you so attractive her can't control himself- or at least that's what I would tell myslef if I were her. But, yes then I would move on with my life. You're no monster or even a jerk. Forgive yourself man.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): It happens, I'd be more ashamed to be a spurs fan to be honest, that's unforgivable, Arsenal all the way!!!
...............................
A
male
reader, tottenhamhotspur +, writes (23 July 2010):
tottenhamhotspur is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should also make it clear that this woman was a stranger- and I kissed her, she didn't kiss me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): I've done that loads of times when I was younger, some girl pulled my hand away, others liked it.
Women don't care if you touch them places while in the middle of making out, as long as you respect them and not try it again if they make it clear that's not on.
It's a different story if you just walk up to a girl and put your hand down her pants, but being handsy while kissing is expected and while it's not always welcome, girls will let you know. Seriously you ask any woman how many times she's made out with a guy and he's put his hands somewhere she didn't want them, they won't be able to give you a number because it's just such a common thing. I bet she hasn't even given it a single thought since that night. There's absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
A piece of advice though, keep your hands to her shoulders, arms, face or the waist (if she's comfortable with that). Grabbing the tits or ass of a girl you just met especially if you try to put your hands under their clothes, is childish and I suspect something you won't repeat. So don't worry about it. It can be hard to balance showing enough interest but also keeping a respectful distance at the start.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (23 July 2010):
 While it was a pretty retarded move to pull, I would not say it makes you a monster by a fair distance. If you were indulging in this sort of thing on a repititive basis or with undreaged girls it's another matter. As far as I can tell, you're not, so....don't sweat it.
Promise yourself you won't do it again and move on. I've had men do that to me in the past and generally react with a snappy comment and then forget about it.
...............................
A
male
reader, tottenhamhotspur +, writes (23 July 2010):
tottenhamhotspur is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy question may have been slightly misleading because of a lack of distinction.
When I refer to the story with both parties- I am talking about a totally different instance with another woman, not with this woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 If I would forgive a drunk man for feeling me up at a bar? Not in particular forgive as not bother with it. It happens, and you are not the first, and will not be the last man to do this. Do women enjoy it? No. Do we cry ourselves to sleep over it? No. I don't "forgive" men for doing this, I think "creep" and then move on with my life.
The woman has definitely not shed it a thought since the moment it happened. I think that your concern with this is the most anyone has cared about it, and by far makes up for it. Just don't do it again and you can rest assured that women in general will be happy and pleased.
So I will speak on her behalf, as a woman: don't worry about it, Im just happy that you don't plan on feeling up strangers again. And I hope no crazy drunk woman feels the urge to feel you up either.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 July 2010):
1 - You feel guilty.
2 - She didn't get you arrested.
You're not a monster. Move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, sunnycomet +, writes (23 July 2010):
 You are not a monster!
You made a mistake but realize it and feel guilty.
NOW move on. Forgive yourself because it is very unhealthy to continue like this.
Good Luck!
...............................
|
