A
male
age
30-35,
*oso32908
writes:My girlfriend says she wants a break. She says her priorities are all messed up. This happened right after I told her that she doesn't show me affection. She thought she was hurting me and says she cant do that to me right now. She used the phrase "right now" many times. Is that her way of says that we will be together but she needs time at the moments? or is she trying to break up with me. I cant stand to lose her. Just to fill you in i think she might be going through a hard time, she is a VERY VERY busy person and i dont see her much. I told her that I can help her through it and she said that she doesnt know what to do.
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male
reader, zoso32908 +, writes (24 February 2008):
zoso32908 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyeah im going to trying talking to her, im going to be very blunt and tell her that i might be a bit brutal but she has to realise what she doing
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (24 February 2008):
 Then if thats the case, its gonna be a nightmare for you, until she seeks counselling to figure out whats going on in her head. You're better off out of it til that happens.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, zoso32908 +, writes (24 February 2008):
zoso32908 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell she doesnt necessarily want out. as i said she still cares for me. but listen im telling the truth when i say i am the first to tell some one when I am causing a problem. The problems in this relationship are almost fully on her side, I have only ever been there for her, understood her trusting problem, I accepted it. But still she proceeded to hurt me. I dont think she knows it but if she didnt trust me i dont think she ever will. I have never done anything to cause her not to trust in me. But still she takes it out on me. I found out that she called my friends, wanting to hang out with them. Thats fine, my friends are her friends...but, she would rather do thing with anybody else but me sometimes. It's a little too much info i cant explain to you, so sorry but you wont understand that part. She doesnt want to be alone with, cause of this trust thing. And I dont even know if you could call what we had a relationship. I would never know she was my girlfriend. When we were friends we talked alot and she wanted to be around me. Once I asked her out it all changed. We both want to be together very badly. but this trust issue is getting in the way of what could become a meaning relationship
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 February 2008):
Well thats not a bad idea. But dont go down the blame route. We would all like to put the blame on the other if we get finished with, but it takes two sometimes and if she is the type that doesnt like to hurt someone, she might not even of said all the reasons she wanted out. Maybe just knew it wasnt gonna work.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, zoso32908 +, writes (24 February 2008):
zoso32908 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell had a talk with my sister, who had trust issues with one of her boyfriends. She didnt realize how unfair she was until after her issues ruined the relationship. im going to explain this to her, tell that its not fair to penalize me for something that some one else did, something that i had no control over. If our relationship is going to be like it was before than i dont want any part of it. because it hurt too much to remain with some one who cant trust me. by that she cant show me any affection.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (24 February 2008):
Its definately better being honest Danielpew. Its a horrible thing to have to do though, tell someone you dont wanna be with them anymore. It sucks doesnt it. But you're right, its gotta be done no doubt about that.
Just wish there was an easier way.
Im a chicken!
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, zoso32908 +, writes (24 February 2008):
zoso32908 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow guys thank for the replys. I did ask her if she still had feelings for me. she said she does but this is something she need to do right now. and before i gusss i was in a little bit of denial, i spend an awesome night with my buddies to get my mind off it, and i accept it now. I dont know if she will come back or not, im not leaning one way or the other, but im also not getting my hopes up, cause that will just lead me to more heartache later
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A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (24 February 2008):
Being the dumper or the dumpe is an ego trip either way, Where our ego overrides our common sense and keeps us hanging in there when we really should of moved on long ago. And It's kind of like throwing good money after bad, where nobody wins.
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A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas +, writes (24 February 2008):
Being the dumper or the dumpe is an ego trip either way, Where our ego overrides our common sense and keeps us hanging in there when we really should of moved on long ago. And It's kind of like throwing good money after bad, where nobody wins.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 February 2008):
 You do have a point, dear hlskitten. The girl might find it difficult to be clear and direct. Point well taken. However,
a) I still think it's best to speak clearly
b) I still think the poster is not being spoken to in a straightforward manner. And I still think she is dumping him, she is messing with his mind, and we should point this out, so he can move on.
I added you as a friend, hlskitten. You sure enlightened me.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (23 February 2008):
Simply just because Danielpew.
Im as upfront an honest as the day is long, but, when i fifnished with someone, they were a bit more manipulative than me, and always tried their best to talk me round. In the end we split, but i agreed to stay friends. But so not to hurt him, i made the mistake of avoiding saying we wont ever get back together, OR saying we would. That wasnt because i wanted to hurt him, it was because i didnt have the balls to lay my cards on the table basically. And it took him asking me outright what the game of play was.
He did out right ask me after about 2 weeks and said he needed to know, so he could start moving on. i knew i had to make a decision for his sake then. So seriously thought about it, and came to the decision i wouldnt ever give it another go, and told him so.
Sometimes even honest living people stall with making decisions. Sometimes honest living people do this even more than others.
Just my opinion though. This lady might not be the same.
C xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (23 February 2008):
Poster, your happiness can't depend on whether people will do as you expect or not. You need to be happy even if they don't, and that is only too often the case regarding love. Life is never as we expect it to be, yet we manage. This is what I recommend you do.
I'm absolutely sure you don't know whether she's dumping you or not. That happens all the time. It's very easy to see this is why you came to this site to ask for help. And not knowing what is going on is not your fault, because you're involved, which means your senses are numbed, and because she's not speaking clearly, which makes everything much worse. But we're not involved, and we don't have our senses numbed, so we can see what you can't.
Do this little test: don't have any contact with her. See if she comes back. That is all you need. I'm sure it will hurt like hell, but this is a foulproof way to know whether she is only confused or if she's dumping you. And that, I guess, is what you need to know.
If I were unsure about dumping someone, I wouldn't do it, and wouldn't let it show.
If I were going through a rough time, and I had someone who loved me, I would treasure her. I would find the time to be with her.
She says she doesn't want to hurt you. But she IS hurting you. I don't think she will be as naive as not to know that a break hurts the other party. And you came here because you're in pain. So much for not hurting you.
And, finally, this time I beg to differ with hlskitten. Asking her to be honest won't work. If she wanted to be straightforward, she would be.
Once, I was dumped with a phrase: "You and I wouldn't work". That was all it took. I didn't cling to her, didn't call her, and she didn't say I was cute or her priorities were messed up at the moment. By the way, her priorities were pretty much messed up at the moment. To this day, I remember that girl as an honest and straightforward one. A girl who knew I would be in pain, by the way. We don't meet often, but we know that each one respects the other and we can be very friendly.
Why is it so difficult for people -men and women- to be this clear and direct?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (23 February 2008):
Hi
9 times out of 10, she would be saying she wants to break up for good. But doesnt want to come out n say that. Its the softly softly approach. Very common.
You said you cant stand to lose her, shes picked up on this big time, and like i say, is doing it gently.
Doesnt help you to make the break does it.
You need to ask her to be honest with you(even though you are probably scared to hear it) if she cares for you enough, so you can either let go or hold out any hope.
Hopefully, that will push her to be honest.
C xxxxx
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A
male
reader, zoso32908 +, writes (23 February 2008):
zoso32908 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthats just the thing i wasnt happy before. And to tell you the truth (im not in denial or anything) but i dont know if she is dumping me. It seems like she doesnt know.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (23 February 2008):
This is her way to say she's breaking up with you for good.
Dumping someone is a difficult thing, especially if you know the other person loves you to bits. You are aware that you're breaking the other person's heart, and you can't feel that is all right. So you speak in an encrypted manner, use a lot of "maybe", "at the moment", et cetera, and you dump the person but you suggest the door could open up for you again, because you know that might "soften" the blow. But she's dumping you.
Do yourself a favor and spare yourself a lot of pain. Consider it over, and live your life on that basis. And don't take her back. Like she said, she doesn't know what her priorities are at the moment, but you don't seem to be among them, as she is dumping you. And if she came back she could "realize" again that you're not her priority. So, forget about her and move on. It's the best you can do.
You can stand to lose her, man. You were happy before she came. You'll be happy again. I felt what you are feeling so many times that now I know I can be happy even if everyone leaves me.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (23 February 2008):
 when people are "always busy" sometimes they just dont want to be in our company. this could be for any number of reasons, but if they dont want you around them then dont force yourself into their time. are you being clingy and needy (that is thinking of your needs and stating them before thinking wether she has too much to deal with to meet them fully) as this can be offputting and make a person feel that you are only out for what you can get(emotionally)to satisfy yourself.
give her space above all other things
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