A
male
age
30-35,
*bvious91
writes:Dear DearCupid,I have what feels a serious problem, I'm in love with this girl, we have been for nearly 2 years(in a relationship). We began to have sex in October last year. I love her so much; but a problem that we seem to have is that I can satisfy her but she can't satisfy me. I'm not blaming her as I know it isn't her fault at all but come to think of it, my ex-girlfriend (whom I lost my virginity to) didn't satisfy me either. Is this a medical issue or is it that my girlfriends have been satisfied quicker than I have? I'm not being big-headed or anything trust me but this is crushing me, and I think it is leading to relationship problems with my current girlfriend whom I hope to spend the rest of my life with, I love her.Thank you for any help possible.
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crush, ex girlfriend, lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, I'llTryToHelp  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I want to say this first. You said you had the same problem with your previous girlfriend. I can't stress this enough! You need to be sure to accept the blame for this and not present it to your girlfriend in the same way you presented the problem to us.("She" can't satisfy me ) is laying all the responsiblity on her shoulders and would be a big mistake. Once this is said to her, it'll always be said. You can't take it back and she'll always remember it! Wouldn't you?
Go to the doctor and discuss the problem with him. There could be an underlying medical issue. Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Yep, stop masturbating. I call the penis "Johnny" and he's as much part of the relationship as you and your girlfriend. If your feeding his hunger with masturbation, no wonder he finds it difficult to "spit his load" when he's with your girlfriend. You ever heard of the saying "keep them mean, to keep them keen", same goes here.
Delayed ejaculation is learnt behaviour and you can unlearn it again. Best to start the slow learning route. Kisses and hugs for a month, stroking and carressing for a month, then penetrative sex after at least a weeks foreplay. But then both you and "Johnny" should be loosing your minds and the problem should disappear. Talk to your girlfriend about this because you will need her help if you decide to tackle this issue.
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A
male
reader, obvious91 +, writes (31 May 2008):
obvious91 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can get an errection that part is fine. Its just I struggle to come, I hoped this wouldn't happen again. I'm really in love with this girl but I don't want to hurt her feelings by saying that she isn't satisfying me. I don't worry or anything when we are having sex because it's nice but I just can't climax, I think I'll lay off masturbating for sometime then lol. Thanks alot
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A
female
reader, bday121 +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I've heard of a problem before where men who masturbate frequently and...fiercely...have trouble climaxing from vaginal intercourse. It's like you're so used to your own very firm grip that nothing else can get you off. Perhaps that's your problem? If it is, try masturbating less frequently, and, when you do, use a more relaxed grip. Kinda weird I know but it might be your problem.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): I don't understand what do you mean when you say your not satisfied? Don't you orgasm, don't you maintain an errection, Don't you come? Do you feel alone, seperate or disappointed.
More information needed to provide usefull advice.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I would go to a qualified Urologist and discuss this with them. A Doctor's diagnosis is compared to a triangle, and it's important to have all three sides to get to the right diagnosis. The three things are, the Doctor's knowledge, the physical examination, and WHAT THE PATIENT TELLS THEM. A couple of good tools are a voice recording device to record the discussion, and a list that you have prepared of questions about this whole problem that you have been wondering about. If you are put off or aren't satisfied by your Doctors answers, get a second or third opinion. Sometimes it's important to find the right "fit" when it comes to medical advice. I'm sure that everyone has been in the same predicament, that you are in the same room, having a conversation, but each party is having a different conversation! Don't be put off or intimidated because they are a Physician, if you aren't satisifed with the answer or feel uncomfortable, seek another Doctor's help. I would be willing to go to these lengths as you feel that this woman is the person that you want to spend your life with, and you should also consider including her in any choices that you make in trying to solve this.
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A
female
reader, lildeesbg +, writes (31 May 2008):
 I dont think you have a sexual medical problem. Some people take longer to orgasm then others. However, when your in the act and your worrying about it and obsessing about it all it does it interfer with the moment and therefore you will not be able to reach an orgasm. Talk with your girlfriend and tell her that its not her, that you have a history taking time orgasm. Just make it fun and before you know it, it will happen.
Dee
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