A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I learned my lesbian gf was cheating on me by talking with other women. One in particular I caught her talking with twice. After the first time getting caught she promised she was sorry and she wouldn't do anything like that to hurt me again. She ended up a month later cheating with the same girl. Cheating she did was sexting over the phone, telling her she loves her, talking about having sex with her, seeing her pic. Then I broke up with her bc it was like she had no remorse bc she kept doing it n lied. I later found out she had a dating profile as well talking to at least 12 chics, I was livid. Even as we were already broken up. She's been trying to get back with me since the breakup happened. My consciences kicked in and I recently felt like a hypocrite. So I called her to apologize and ask for forgiveness. Only bc I didn't want her being deceived that I was this flawless person. I told her in 2011 I made a mistake, I met this woman I truly liked who at the time worked with me and I ended up caressing her breast, but it never escalated although some emotions were developing. The lady ended up quiting due to family emergency and I pulled away from her. In 2012 my relationship with my former gf was on the rocks and I would cry to her for her love, affection, and attention. I may have been too emotionally clingy and needy. Anyway she ignored me or downplayed my needs and I succumbed to my temptation, I let a woman caress my breast while we watched a film together. It felt divine but I stopped it from going further. I ended up stop talking with the lady. The 3rd and final chic I allowed her to caress my breast and massage my body. I stopped allowing that female to touch me as well, she may have touched me on 10 different occasions. The other two, one touched me only once. N the other I only touched once. I didn't want to keep them in my life and I certainly wouldn't choose them over the gf I had. I just was wanting something from her that she wasn't giving so I sought it out in others, which still didn't make me happy. I felt genuine remorse for what I did even cried. My gf never knew. Just yesterday I told her of my infidelity and that I was wrong. Especially since when I found out she kept cheating on me after I found out I tried to damage her phone and computer. I was wrong for that. I cheated bc there was a void in our relationship and I couldn't get my gf to work on it with me and I just succumbed to the temptation and anger that led me to betray her. I stopped not bc she caught me but bc she didn't deserve that. When she cheated and I found out she went back with same person doing it again saying this woman means nothing to her. I cheated out of loneliness and she cheated out of entertainment. I know both are wrong esp me how I reacted to her infidelity. Is there a good reason for cheating...ever?
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broke up, infidelity, lesbian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2013): You did not cheat "because". It happened because instead of working on your current relationship and putting the effort into solving the issues, it was easier for you to turn to someone else...a temporary fix.There is never any excuse or justifications for cheating on your partner. Many would like to come up with all the reasons why and try to justify them...it's a bunch of crap. You had a choice, and you chose to cheat, as did your partner. The two of you are not as committed as you would like to be. It's time to move on and simply stay single until the right partner comes along. When you are with the right person, you are mature about how you handle the good and bad in relationships and can stick with the person through it all, THEN is when you are ready to be in a committed, loyal relationship.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I'm sorry there is never a good reason for cheating.
IF you are that unhappy in a relationship for whatever reasons you have several options.
1. you can leave the relationship and just say it's not working for me....
2. you can ask the partner to go to counseling and work on the problems together
3. you can go to the partner and say "I love you but there is something missing in our relationship and I think I need to have a little someone on the side" this way you are above board and honest and while not monogamous you are not lying or cheating.
IF your partner says ok, you must afford them the same rights (that's how my last marriage broke up he was ok with his having gfs on the side but I added a man and he could not cope)
IF your partner says NO then you have to go back to #1 and end the relationship or #2 and get counseling to try and fix it.
CHEATING IS NEVER an OPTION
LYING is NEVER an OPTION
and it's IMO unforgivable in terms of saving a relationship. Trust is broken... how will it be restored. I do know of a couple that survived a cheat... he was with the wife since she was 16 and he was 19. they married 3 years after their first blind date and were each others one and only. 25 years after the wedding, he cheated. he got caught. He moved out for three months. she could not bear it and forgave him. HE NEVER LOOKED AT ANOTHER WOMAN for the 12 years they had left together and he wept like a baby when she died in his arms at age 58. She forgave him. I understood why. He never did anything before the incident to betray her trust nor did he do anything after to betray her trust. IN that sort of instance I can see forgiving. Still no excuse however.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (14 January 2013):
Cheating is inherently dishonest, if it wasn’t inherently deceitful it wouldn’t be cheating would it? You can’t make excuses to minimise your own actions: you can’t say you were lonely or angry or whatever and think that makes it a little better than her. Your relationship’s finished, you clearly don’t work together, learn from this and move on. There is never a good reason for cheating.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
I don't think there is any point in telling her that you weren't 100 % faithful. Remorse is an important part of a well rounded individual. She felt none, you did.
She needs to learn that actions have consequences and you can't get away with doing whatever you want without worrying about the reprocussions. If you tell her you won't be doing her any good because she'll just think she was justified in cheating and she won't learn a thing.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (14 January 2013):
Nope, there is no good reason for cheating ever. It doesn't matter if the other person cheated first, or the relationship is on the rocks, or you were lonely, angry, jealous, unhappy, bored, etc. Cheating is cheating in any form and for any reason, and it's wrong. If you are feeling bored, jealous, angry, lonely, then either fix the relationship or break up and then go find others.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Well, once the trust has been broken there is NO GOING BACK. What's done is done and best leave it in the past.
Cheating all over the place is no foundation for a healthy and loving relationship. End of story.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe've already broken up but she's been trying to get back with me thinking she missed out on a nearly perfect woman. I just wanted to tell her my flaws and infidelity so that she may move on or have full knowledge of the things I did.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (14 January 2013):
In short?... NO. A relationship with no trust cannot last. It's over. Move on and find someone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Personally, yes you are as bad as one another and for you both being in a relationship right now with ANYONE isnt going to work. You need to get your sexual desire out of your system before you even think about starting any kind of relationship with someone because its not fair. Cheating hurts in any form. Focus on your life for a while..be single..have fun..then when you feel ready, take a chance. If you want your ex back give each other space and explore in the meantime. If you drift apart, then it was obviously not meant to be.
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A
female
reader, mrswaldhauser +, writes (14 January 2013):
 No I don't believe there is ever a "good" reason to cheat as you put it. I can understand why many people cheat and cheating can happen in all different circumstances of life. If you are unhappy in a relationship and feel you are missing something you need to speak with your partner and try and work something out. If nothing can be worked out then you need to move on and start afresh with someone new. If you want to sleep with other people then you shouldn't commit yourself to a monogamous relationship. Perhaps you and your girlfriend should try having an open relationship? Or if that does not suit you and you both want to stay together you need to sit down and have a really long chat about everything that has gone on and why you did it and help the other understand what was going through your head at the time. Only then when everything is sorted and understood can you really move on with your lives and start afresh. If you don't work through it and continue the way you are the past is constantly going to haunt you. There will be serious trust issues that will cripple your relationship. Self confidence issues for the pair of you if you are cheating on eachother. If you really can't work it out after a long chat then it would be worth both your time if you just let it go. As hard as it may sound, if you both had really loved eachother then you wouldn't have cheated, you would have worked it through or left one another.
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