A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so currently i feel like crawling into a hole and never coming out...i feel like i've stuffed everything up and there's no way in hell it's ever going to be fixed. i got dumped, by text and with no explanation by the first guy i've ever actually been able to see myself with. i blew up at the guy cause he broke my heart, said things to me that made me feel safe and trust him, then dumped me, but when he dumped me i said stuff that maybe i shouldn't have, mostly through my tears and anger.i talked to a mutual friend about it, but that just turned him against my ex which was not my intent. i was just upset and trying to understand what had happened and then things just got worse.another guy asked me out and i said no because it was too soon after me being dumped, this guy then started flirting with me a few weeks later by text, and feeling lonely i gave in and we kissed and such. i told him that i didn't want a relationship though cause i just got out of one that had ended terribly, he knows the guy so understood, but he said he'd wait until i was ready...i didn't think i was interested, and would say things to that effect, but then realised by my actions i actually did kind of like this guy...but now it's too late cause he said he's found someone else who actually is ready to be in a relationship with him, but this is only a week and a half after we were last together...but i understand and am totally happy for him to find someone who is more desrving of him than me...but i feel really down now...i could have had someone who was actually interested in me and pretty nice, but having just been screwed over by my ex wasn't open to anything serious or real. now to the main problem...my ex won't actually look at me or talk to me, and the guy i was kind of involved with is being really friendly with him again, they were kind of friends but this guy had told me he didn't really like my ex, so i kind of feel hurt...i feel selfish and everything for wanting my ex to talk to me, cause it's what i want and obviously not what he wants... but do you think there is any way to get my ex to talk to me again? i have to see him often and every time i do i just feel bitter and angry cause i miss how things used to be, not the relationship but the friendship we had...i don't want to be angry when other people i'm close with hang out with him or talk to him, and i don't even want to be angry with him but i can't help it. i feel so horrible and don't even want to get out of bed...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 I am always a bit puzzled when I hear of people who cling nails and teeth to friendship ( or the hope of friendship ) with their exes...
Supposing what you want from him can happen, what would the practical purpose be ?..
In fact, first of all- why do you want to be friends with someone who dumped you by TEXT - I don't say : hold a grudge for a lifetime, no- but at least cancel him from the list of your top ten best friends.
Then, like I said , what do you want to talk and be friends for ? Friends talk about what goes on in their life, are you sure you would like hearing him talking about a new girlfriend or a hot new date ?..
Are you sure you'd like to chat and hang out together and maybe going out for pizza and such friendly stuff- knowing that you are not allowed to kiss him hold him touch him ?...
Last but not least , you want to move on ASAP ,right ? That will happen much faster if you keep no or minimal contact. The less you are reminded of him, the better. One thing is acting normal if you bump into each other, or acting civil if you are obliged to share the same social circles - but all another one go seeking chances to pick at your scab,...it would never heal !
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 It's just about never a good idea to try to be friends with an ex. Why? Because, as you unfortunately have discovered, the one who was dumped will still be attempting to hold onto what was, under the guise of "friendship", whereas the dumpee no longer wants any interaction.
Besides, why would you even want a friendship with a man who ended it in a very cruel manner, by sending a text? Even assuming the problems you had when with him were such that he decided to end it, that's no excuse to behave the way he did!
I agree with fishy fish's comment concerning the new man who expressed interest but who so quickly met someone else.
Try to avoid seeing your ex completely, if at all possible. If you absolutely HAVE to see him sometimes, take a leaf out of his book, and act as if he wasn't even there - in other words, if you MUST speak with him, be icy cold.
Look: you deserve MUCH better than him - and the other one, for that matter!
Turn your attention elsewhere and go on with your life......talk to someone you trust if you want to vent and be angry......be patient with yourself, and try not to indulge in feeling bad - focus on the things that make life for you enjoyable and worthwhile!
When you completely give up on any attempt to fix this, once and for all, (as opposed to asking us - though it's okay that you did ask) that this is not fixable, it will make your recovery easier......
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A
female
reader, ca girl +, writes (15 July 2010):
You were smart to tell the new man that you weren't ready to be in a relationship, you don't sound emotionally ready. The feelings you have are normal after a break up and will fade in time. Don't act out on the negative feelings, try to be a lady, behave as though you're over him, and take care of yourself.
You may want to reflect on the relationship and whether or not he wanted the emotional commitment you thought you had when you began a sexual relationship with your old boyfriend. Perhaps it was just the sex for him and meant more to you.
Don't have sex until you know the guy is trustworthy and deserving and you have the emotional security you need from him. Make sure he brings you flowers, takes you to dinner, a show, and woos and spoils you before you jump in bed with him.
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A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (15 July 2010):
It's totally understandable and normal what you're passing through, love disappointments logically generate anger that will fade away with time, trust me, i don't understand though why does your ex refuse a friendship with you.
In my opinion i think that it's definitely not healthy to stay close to your ex shortly after the end of the relationship cause you'll never get over him, you should be away from each other for a while to get over him.
As for the other guy, don't regret losing him cause if he was really interested in you as he claimed he wouldn't have moved on that quickly and found another girl in less than 2 weeks .
Get yourself together and focus on the people who really care about you, don't waste your energy on negative vibes coming from people who are not adding any valur to your life.
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