A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I think my relationship is in trouble. You know how you can go out with someone and it's pretty good, not too dreadful, and you start dating regularly, and it just stays sort of OK and doesn't really go anywhere? That's how I feel.I've been with my girlfriend five months. We treat one another respectfully and gently, see each other every day and all day at weekends but communication has never been great between us and although I tried to be passionate in the early days, it's getting difficult to maintain a bond. She is losing her temper with my ambivalence more and more frequently. It doesn't help that she is under pressure to find a new job, since she has handed in her notice to her current employer. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go with her to Germany to see her father, who is fighting oesophageal cancer, and it's a really difficult one for me to call. Integrity is important to me.Would it help to be honest with her about what I want out of the relationship and give her the opportunity to say what she wants? The thing is, I don't think she can give me what I want, so it'll probably only offend her and...I don't want her to hate me. Maybe I have to risk that though.Thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (8 October 2008):
 I had that before. Was with a guy 10 months, and it was ok, he was ok, but I just didn't see it going anywhere. It wasn't happening for me. Its best to be upfront and honest, for your own sake as well as hers. 5 months is quite early days, but we usually have an idea if this is going somewhere by that time dont we? We can all go with the motions and settle, but especially at your age thats not going to pan out long term. And doesn't have to.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): "not too dreadful", "sort of ok" - i'd dump my boyfriend if this was how he described our relationship. Don't you think you deserve more than "not too dreadful" and "sort of ok"? Don't you think she does?
Ye both deserve better!
...............................
A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (8 October 2008):
 Oh dear, its all up in the air - but no communication. You're thinking one thing, she's thinking another, and shall you, shant you - but you're not SAYING it to each other. You've been around quite a while. She sounds as fed up as you. BUT you can solve it, just by opening the channels. Really, its that easy. THEN if you get nowhere then theres no point, but you won't know that till you at least try. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Faybelline +, writes (8 October 2008):
 What do you think will hurt/offend her more? Telling her the truth now or leaving it and leaving it until it turns nasty and you face an ugly break up?
I think honesty is the best policy here and telling her now, though it may not be easy and could hurt her feelings, is going to be a lot easier on both of you than dragging it out when you're both seemingly unhappy.
Good Luck :)
...............................
|
