A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i saw on my gf's computer last night that she was looking at vacationing in st. thomas. the date she was looking at is sept 22-27.now, she hasn't mentioned it to me, so am i to assume she's thinking of taking someone else, or could it be a surprise for both of us? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 September 2010):
Hello again. Sometimes it is best to trust a person and take their word for being true.
Yes, you could say - "well is what she told me true?"
But the thing is, you could go on forever doubting and doubting everything that she says, and what it's going to do is make you very unhappy indeed. What would be much more positive, is to instead take the focus altogether, off where she went and onto making the time you both spend together happy and fun.
It's way too easy to get really stuck in what we perceive as a problem, and don't get onto actually living life and having fun. Worry displaces pleasure.
It's always better to concentrate on the positives and don't dwell too much on the negatives. Because half the time they are not what we imagine them to be anyway, so we are just wasting our time. Whereas we could choose happiness and choose to see what's right with things in life.
The more time you spend getting anxious about what your girlfriend has planned for herself, the more unhappy you will be.
Try hard from now on to simply trust her unless she does anything to prove otherwise.
You are after all both entitled to have some time to yourselves to pursue interests and hobbies. It's not healthy to spend every minute of every day together. That would be suffocating.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionturns out (from what she told me) she was just out with her cousin this past weekend. yet she has a bruise on her leg and her ankle is spraigned (from being on a boat this past weekend). sounds credible, but you never know, right???
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (24 September 2010):
Hello again. Perhaps she is going with her cousin to the beach house. It is hard to know for sure.
Sometimes when a person is vague about answering questions about something, it could mean they have something to hide.
Do you live together? I ask this because you said you saw what was on her computer. Or, do you live somewhere else?
What really needs to happen, is you at least need to know where you both stand in your relationship right now. If she hasn't said anything about it so far, you need to know if there is anything bothering her that you might've done, or is she trying to tell you something by her actions.
This absolutely does need to be clarified, sooner rather than later. Don't be left hanging there wondering what the hell is going on. If it was me, I would definitely want to know for sure. Before you go any further with things.
Please, do not try to force some kind of answer out of her by getting angry or upset, just make it clear that you both need to talk about it seriously. When you do talk, stay calm, and be respectful. Also, try not to ask her too many questions about her holiday. In fact, don't even mention it. Almost like it doesn't matter to you. Like you don't care, and like it never happened. This will have her wondering. Just remind yourself, that she was the one who started all this in the first place.
As she is away right now, it will have to wait till after the 27th September to do anything.
As you are upset and concerned with what's happening, maybe let her make the first contact with you. Don't rush in and call her on the 28th September. That makes you look desperate and needy. Instead, go out and have a good time with your friends. Just don't be too available to her when she returns.
If she calls you, and you happen to be there when she does, be friendly and respectful, but don't suggest seeing each other. What would be better for you to do, is say - "I have to go out shortly, so I can't sit and talk, sorry". Then end the call very shortly after. Don't give any further details. Even if you are not doing anything, just let her think that you are.
What I am getting at here, is that you don't want her to think that you are sitting around waiting for her, and that you do have a life of your own as well. It's important for her to realize this and to remind her that you won't be taken for granted.
Especially as she is away on this holiday (with whoever), it's all the more reason for you to make your own life more interesting from now on.
If you do live together, what you could do is when you are expecting her home, just don't be there. Come home a few hours later - all dressed up - and be happy and just say, "Hi! How are you?" Then just go from there. Don't even ask her about her holiday. It will make a huge impact, if she sees that you are not just sitting at home while she goes on holiday with her "cousin". Sometimes, relationships need a jolt like this, to make people start thinking about what really matters to them.
So whether you do or don't live together, you will either need to:-
If you DON'T live together -
(1) When she calls, saying you are about to go out soon. Then you could actually drive out and visit a friend or just go driving for an hour or so (just in case she tries to come over to see if it's true or not).
OR
If you DO live together -
(2) Just don't be there when she gets home. Go out anywhere - you could take the car and go for a drive for a couple of hours. Then come home after her. Make sure you are dressed up, so it looks like you really have been out.
If she asks where you have been, say - "Just out". Don't say anything more. This response tells her that it's not open for discussion.
It does sound like she needs a shock like this. Because she apparently wouldn't be expecting it. Doing either of these actions (depending on your situation - living together or not), is exactly what is needed to teach her that you will not be treated badly by anyone.
Hope this information helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionturns out she's going with her cousin to a "beach house". She's keeping her weekend trip a little vague, not really mentioning it, saying as little as possible.
I don't even know how she's getting there. Usually, a GF would say "hey, drop me off at the train station, or airport. I'll be back at XYZ..." But i don't even know what she has planned, and i feel like i'm intruding when i ask. its like she doesn't want to really discuss it.
sounds a little fishy, but how can i get evidence its not some "cousin"?
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (19 August 2010):
 It could be a surprise... or she could be going away with girlfriends... or she could be booking it for someone else. any number fo things could be true. however if that date comes and she doesn't mention anything AND she's avoiding you (like she can't meet up with you on those dates or she can't talk on the phone)
she may be sneaking around on you.
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A
female
reader, xXJDXx  +, writes (19 August 2010):
I imagin it's a surprise, if she was planning to go away with a friend or relative I'm sure she would have told you about it!
Think about the dates she's looking at.. Do they have any relevance to your relationship? First date? When you became an official couple? Ect ect
If you tell her you kno about it she'll assume you've been snooping around and probably be quite hurt.
Wait a little while, see what happens... But DO NOT let on you ever knew about it ;)
Good luck, JD.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (19 August 2010):
Hi there. It's hard to say what she has planned.
I think if it was me, I would just come right out and ask her. Just say that you happened to see that she was planning a holiday in September, and talk about it.
It's much better to be open and honest with each other, than to worry and get upset over what might not be a problem at all. At least then you know.
If you ask her, and don't get angry when you do, express your concerns. Be respectful and loving. If she had anything at all to hide, surely she wouldn't let an email about a holiday lie around where you might see it. She would delete it.
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, jumpupshoutout +, writes (19 August 2010):
 is there any important dates round that time like when you first met or annaversary stuff like that maby she is planning a holaday with you for a suprise keep posted
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