A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26 and have been dating my gf (20) for 4/5 months now, known her (off and on) for 2 years, first 2 months were great, but things nosedived and have been progressively getting worse the last 3 months. First off she tries to make all my plans and decisions for me, when to go to sleep, when to wake up, when to call her,when to see her,how long I should see her,what time I should do (whatever),how fast I should be able to get it done, when I should go to the store/what to buy,when to get gas,just everything! even plans my future, wanting me to quit my good paying job that I love in a year to work at (wherever she thinks is best), go to college and get a degree in (whatever she thinks is best), and she doesn't ask, she demands (you HAVE to..) also tries to force her opinions,ideas and morals/beliefs on me. The problem is that when I decline/disagree with her demands,plans or views, she becomes annoyingly persistent until I cave in and agree/accept (takes days sometimes) and if the persistence isn't working and I'm not budging she will throw in things like "You're starting to make me mad"- "You don't want to make me mad do you?" - she knows I don't like when she's mad cause she ignores me and acts hateful and it makes me sad - and if I still don't agree with her or do what she wants then she becomes hateful and sarcastic and says things she knows will hurt my feelings (seems like it's intentional) and when I ask her to stop because she's making me sad she mocks me and says "WAAAAH (baby)" and ends with "I love you..but if things don't change then you know what will happen" and then says she's aggravated with me and doesn't want to talk anymore and hangs up in a sarcastic/hateful way (I'll say "I love you and I'm sorry, please don't be mad" and she responds with "yeah! whatever...talk to you later bye!" and I'm left feeling aggravated, heartbroken, guilty and feeling worthless the rest of the day, all because I made my own decisions, plans for the day and refused to change my views and beliefs. She is also really critical (I guess is the word), pointing out things about me that she doesn't like and wanting to change them to suit her (ie: smile more, talk more, grow this kind of facial hair, wear hats less, eat healthier foods, stop smoking, cut back on caffeine, wear these kinds of clothes, just everything). Also there she has the "I can but you can't" attitude (ie: if I call her an hour or 2 later then when I say I will call, because I was tired and fell asleep after I got home from work, then she again becomes hateful and sarcastic towards me, and leaves me feeling miserable and feeling like a bad boyfriend.. but when I tell her she does the same thing, she says it's "different" because "I was honest and told you I forgot to call you, I didn't use some Bullsh*t lame-a$$ excuse". Today (Saturday)she is pi$$ed and acting sarcastic and hateful because after working long hours all week I decided to sleep in this morning, until 10 am instead of 6am, and then did my laundry and cleaned my car when I got up, at 12:30pm she called all irritated and told me I was basically lazy and worthless because I "waste my time" and have "wasted half the day" and that I should have been up at 7am and been out doing things by 12:30pm - (I asked when she got up and what she had done all day and she said she woke up at 9am, and had been laying in bed watching tv all morning until she called). I broke up with her 4 times already, but she made me feel bad/guilty by telling me things like how I was her first and if I leave then that means I just used her for sex, and other things like that to make me feel guilty. I have had depression all my life, and am going through a bad spell right now so I'm a little emotionally sensitive, when I mention these problems to her she says either "I didn't say that" or "I didn't mean it that way" and that I am just over analysing everything and am being too sensitive, is she right? is it just me? or is there a real problem? is she being emotionally abusive or something? if so what should I do? I need to do something because I can't deal with all this hurt she makes me feel,it's making me more and more depressed, if it's just me then maybe I can do something to fix it because I really have feelings for her, sorry for making this so long but I'm confused and really need advice!!! :(
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broke up, depressed, emotionally abusive, heartbroken Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): hey! you should not give in to her all the time!she is being very UNREASONABLE!just break up with her!whatever it is dont feel guilty about it!you KNOW yourself that you diint stead with herjust because of sex! you know you loved her!but now she has been controlling your lifemaking you feel horrible.you have the rights to choose what you wantand not her!if she breaks up with you or do all thoseannoying stuffs, just do it the way she didto you. do it back to her!let her feel how it feels like controlingover peoples life and future!my only suggestion is that you break up with herand never have anything to do with her and ignore herand find your true love!she is not your cup of tea or your true love!your true love is somewhere out there waitingfor you! so yea.just break up bahx.it might make you sad for some timebut think of the things that she done to youby controlling over you!and thats the best way to forget about her.DELEAT HER NUMBER TOO!HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HER.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): If I were you I would cut and paste your question, put it into an email and send it to her. If she doesn't change then most definately leave. xx
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A
male
reader, MJS +, writes (18 February 2007):
ARE YOU DATING MY GIRLFRIEND!? haha im just kidding, but my girlfriend was like that for a while but after sometime she let off and realized that im just going to do what i want regaurdless of what she "demands/ insists" unless ofcourse she has a good idea.. what i did (and what you should probably do) is just tell her you dont want to do what ever it is that shes telling you to do at the time and when she gets mad at you or hateful towards you just ignore her.. watch tv, play a game on your cellphone, anything to not think of her/ what shes doing and eventually she will realize "hey hes not gonna be my lump of clay, i CANT mould him into the 'perfect' man" and she will stop FORCING things on you all together, for a while she will not suggest anything but after some time she will start making suggestions and not demands and start asking for your input on her ideas, then even if you dont like her ideas sometimes you'll want to act upon them just because you werent FORCED into it! well thats my 2cents, i hope it helped!!-matt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): Get out of this relationship right now!
A girlfriend is supposed to love you, support you, and make you feel good about yourself.
This woman sounds like she's causing you nothing but stress and unhappiness. It's unhealthy. Don't do this to yourself.
Find a good woman who'll treat you the way you deserve.
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A
female
reader, onewish89hmb +, writes (18 February 2007):
 I couldn't even read this whole question. It reminded me so much of my ex. Trust me, don't stay in the relationship. It's not healthy at all. I suffer from it still today. I feel i still have to tell everyone my whole past like he MADE me do. I understand where you're coming from like 100 %. It might be hard at first, but it's something time will help you get over. She will probably try a guilt trip on you when you try to leave but don't believe it. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): You are not happy and she doesn't help you be happy. Bottom line; end it.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (17 February 2007):
 Hey sweetness,
You are NOT the problem, she is incredibly controllling at it seems to me that your emotions and mental health are taking a beating. This girl just isn't it for you. You need to be living your own life, and you need a girl who will live your life WITH you not FOR you. Get out of this relationship. The longer you stay, the more it'll hurt you. And to be honest, I don't think talking to her about this will work. You can try, but it seems like this is just how she is.
Don't feel bad about breaking up with her. Do NOT Feel bad, no matter what she says. Everytime you feel a little guilty, just think about a few months from now when she's completely out of your life and you don't have to answer to anyone. Don't feel bad. Repeat: Do. Not. Feel. Bad. (she should feel bad for the way she's treating YOU!)
Plenty of fish in the sea. Next time don't pick a piranha.
Good luck, sweetness!
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (17 February 2007):
 Why are you with this woman? She's destroying you! First 2 months were great and now things have taken a nose dive! You've already broken up 4 times. The plain and simple truth here is you and her just aren't compatible. THAT'S why there's problems. Can you imagine how you would be in say 3 years from now? Your confidence and self esteem with be at rock bottom. You'll be so nervous and unsure of yourself you'll feel worthless. If you feel depressed now, give it a few more weeks......
My advice to you love is to admit to yourself that this relationship is destructive. Never in a million years will you ever be able to have a smooth running relationship let alone even think of living together. That's why we date... to see if we're compatible and you two are like chalk and cheese. I know you have feelings for her but you don't love her, you're fond of her but she's a control freak, she's too domineering and selfish for her own good.
There are hundreds of wonderful women out there who would love to meet a lovely caring, thoughtful man like yourself who they could love and put on a pedestal. Tell this woman although you like her and respect her as a person you just can't be with her any more and wish her well in whatever she chooses to do with her life cause it sure isn't going to be with you! You respect yourself and your sanity too much.
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): Its not you that needs help at all, its her! I know this because my boyfriend has got an ex who soudns exactly like your girlfriend, they have a child together and she uses the child to get to him and make him feel bad and when she doesnt get her own way she throws a tantrum, well of course he gives in and gives her what she wants for the childs sake well i say thats wrong. You need to tell this girl damn straight that your not having it anymore, you dont want to be the puppet thats dangling from the strings she holds tight. Theres no need for you to feel the way you do, and if you truly want to be happy then the best thing you can do is demand some respect which is not what your getting right now. If you want to wash your car then you will damn well wash your car, if you want to have a lie in bed then go ahead, why should you have your own priviliges taken away from you because someone doesnt agree with them when there totally contradicting themselves by doing it themself. I say this girl is making you look like a fool by getting her own way with everything, she sounds annoying and a total cling on. You deserve so much better hun, believe me there is someone out there who wants to lie in bed with you til stupid o clock and hand you a brew when youve finished washing you car. There is so much better you can get from life but you cant get that if your living in a world of upset. You should try ignoring this girl, no matter have sorry she is ignore her and see what she does. But i honestly believe your the one being taken for a walk and shes holding the leash here. Dont worry hun im sure you`ll understand soon that you deserve better than what your getting now. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): why are you still with this woman???
you say your depressed are you being treated for this?
i really think you need to seek professional help for your depression and they can help you figure out why you put up with this abuse aswel.and lead you on the road to ending this relationship without being guilted back into it.
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A
male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (17 February 2007):
 I honestly believe that the best thing for you is to get out of this relationship and find someone who makes you happy. This relationship has no future. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (17 February 2007):
 You sound really unhappy & I think that it is time for you to move on. You shouldn't feel guilty for everything that you do. She is extreamly controlling & noone should have to put up with that. The longer that you put up with her, the more you are going to get hurt. You are letting her get to you & you don't have to put up with her constently degrading you like that. I think that you would be better off staying away from her even as a friend. If you break up & remain friends, she will guilt you into getting back together. You need to gain some self confidence & being around her is the last thing you need right now. If you really care for her & this doesn't sound like what you want then you should talk to her about going to talk to a councelor. You definatelly need a third person in the room helping you work through this. I think that it would definatelly help her to see the damage that she is doing to you emotionlly. You telling her how you feel isn't working. Counceling is the only way you can work this out in my opinion. You can't live your life feeling like everything you do isn't good enough. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, azzarspazzar +, writes (17 February 2007):
 the besty thing for you to do is to take her out to a quite place and talk to her. tell her how your feeling and that you would prefer her back of a little in a nice way. if she disagrees with this then your best thing to do is to get out of the relationship and find somone else.if you want to talk more just send me a message.aaron
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