A
male
age
36-40,
*wd
writes:basically,my and ex and i broke up around 4 and a half months ago.it came out of nowhere,we were very much in love we talked in dept about our future,she told me she never met anyne like me and etc.the break up was down to silly arguments because of personlal issues we both had,not with each other but personally.i begged pleaded and sent flowers for weeks at a time but its clear to me now that it was the wrong thing to do.i might have pushed her further away by showering her with to much effection.the last contact we had was jan 4th 2011 we broke up in september.i rang her on the 4th of jan and basically said i couldnt try anymore and that i had to move on with my life and that i was going to forget we ever happend,i explained that i think it would be easier to put the pain behind me this way,she said she was upset to hear me say this but i explained i had no other option.i wished her well in life and everything and that was that!!now to be honest i still very much so want to get her back but i think having no contact is the only way she will miss me or even question her decision.ive said a few times that im never going to contact her again but after 3 weeks id ring for a chat and we would get into everything again so im sticking ti my guns this time!i know she has a lot of work going on in college so i can see how she is distracted from our situation.my question to everyone is do you think im fighting a loosing battle or should i stick to my guns and actually give her a chance to really miss me and question her decision? i should also add that she admitted to still loving me,liking me and fancying me only a month before i stopped contact.any help would be much appretiated. thanks
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broke up, flowers, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (4 February 2011):
considering that in the past you would say you're never contacting her again but then you'd go back on your word and contact her....why should she believe that this time you really mean it?
When you say you're going to do something, you have to follow through with it. otherwise other people will learn that your word means nothing and they will not take anything you say seriously.
Since you've said you're never going to contact her again, you should stick with that. When people are unpredictable in their behavior, or say one thing but do the opposite, it causes others to lose trust in them.
it could be that she doesn't want to get back with you. if so, you'll have to accept that because you can't make someone want you if they don't. She hasn't been responding to your direct solicitations. Staying away from her might make her miss you, or it might not. But you've already tried the opposite (pursuing her) which didn't work, so you should continue to stay away from her since it doesn't make sense to do the same thing again that failed the last time. But if it doesn't work out the way you hoped, then just accept that it's not meant to be at least not right now...
A
male
reader, kwd +, writes (3 February 2011):
kwd is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank so much everyone for your great advice,i didnt expect such a quick response!!I agree with what eveyone is saying.I think in my situation because i pushed so hard to get her back i have made it easier for her to take her time on deciding what she wants,it was her birtday 16th of dec 2010 and i pusehd really hard so i think the main reason i want to try and have no contact for bit longer is beacause i want her to forget the negative time in december.its my birthday on yhe 23rd of this month and while im not waiting in hope i think if she does txt to wish me happy birthday i will use that oppertunity to chat to her casually and try get her thinkn positive things from there.she is very insecure and cant handle confrontation very well so i think i have to be more gentle with the situation rather than call her up and tell her i love her and want her back.Do you agree or am i way off?
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A
female
reader, PatientlyWaiting1 +, writes (3 February 2011):
Yes. Stick to your guns and do not contact her at all. When she contacts you just be fun and nice. Do not bring up the relationship at all.
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A
male
reader, Leodjoneluv +, writes (3 February 2011):
 if you want her, dont go that long with out talking to her. She surely will meet someone and move on. Now if she experience a bad relationship, she may come back but you dont want a damaged women. Decide if you want to be with her and if you do, ask her to meet you and the both of you should patch out your differences. Too much time apart is BAD.
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A
male
reader, df30 +, writes (3 February 2011):
Looking at your title "Is no contact the right way to get her back" usually when you show someone you care you dont forget about their existence, but I understand how things work. Honestly after saying this a few times and going back on your word why would she feel to believe your word this time?
Besides that I dont think its good to play mind games with anyone, 1. Women are waaaaaay better at that than us men, 2. She needs to feel loved and with my experience women dont want to "make the first move" especially when it comes to apologies and reconciliation.
I would call her up and tell her look I'm still in love with you I said and did what I did to make you miss me and I want you back, I know that you may be hurting but I wanted to tell you that I want to talk about us, You can call me anytime and Im going to do my best to make us work because I love you.
Say something like that and give her space, say the truth about how you feel and what you did but dont hound her, if she feels the same way she WILL come back if she feels its over then YOU have to let it go, don't hound her, whatever happened between the both you might have her feeling as if she warned you enough and had all she could handle, learn from it.
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