A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been dating this girl for about 7 months now, and she always makes me pissed off. She's unconsciously selfish about herself as in she think's her ideas are the best and thinks my advice is bs when i'm older and more experienced. We've been getting in more and more fights and i feel like that after i graduate, it might be a rocky road for us two. I believe she talks s'hit behind my back to her best friend on how i never support her ideas, and i'm starting to feel that her friend feels the same way as me. Nonetheless, i trust her fully. So what are the pros and cons of staying with a temperamental girl? I'm only 60% of the time happy. I truly love her and i won't end it with her yet, but if the cons outweigh the pros, then I have more thinking to do.Thanks in advance!
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): You are too young to be bothered with that girl's neurotic drama and bs. Kick that loose wing nut to the curb and grab yourself a sweet girl and have tons of fun and excitement!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): Sounds like she is:
1. Selfish
2. Disrespectful of you & your advice
3. Unhappy in the relationship, and thus fights with you
You fail to mention any of her good qualities. It feels like you are looking for the confidence to just kick her to the curb with this post. Do yourself a favor and get on with it already.
"Temperamental" is never a good quality in a long-term partner, unless you are willing to be happy only 60% of the time for a long time.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2011): It could be she is not considering your advice or it could be that you are pushing your advice as what is best because you're supposedly older/ more experienced. You're quite young actually in years.
I wouldn't call someone temperamental simply because they don't want to have someone's ideas pushed on them if that is what you're doing. Better communication is the key here maybe.
Overall you come across as possibly being controlling. Just think about it and see what you think about that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 February 2011):
Hi there. Perhaps she thinks you don't listen to her or maybe she doesn't listen to you.
It's a common complaint.
What I mean by "not listen", is perhaps one or both of you listen to the other for so long, then before one has finished speaking the other interrupts them with what they want to say. In other words, not letting them finish what they were saying.
It's possible that this is what is happening.
Interrupting someone who is talking, can frustrate that person, especially if what the interruption is, has nothing whatsoever to do with what's being said at the time. Changing the subject.
Over a period of time, these constant interruptions can annoy the other person, to the point where they react by becoming a bit selfish like she is - to get back at you.
Perhaps this is what's happening, maybe not.
In any case, you do need to sit and have a talk about it with her, and let her respectfully know, that it worries you and you're not happy about it.
You need to be clear about this, so there is no doubt on her part. You both need to know where you stand and what is really happening here.
Just ask her what she is unhappy about in your relationship. Unless you ask her this question, you are just looking for a needle in a haystack. It certainly does sound like she has a bee in her bonnet about something. There's no doubt about that.
Another possibility is do you allow her to make some decisions for herself regards the relationship? Or, do you make all decisions and she doesn't get a say in the matter?
If this is the case, well then it's a matter of whenever there is some decision to be made about something that affects you both, well then you do BOTH need to discuss it openly, so you each have some input. It's important to talk about all things that have some impact on both of you, then you can reach some compromise so that you are both happy with the final result.
If this isn't happening now, well then it could be the major part of the problem I believe. She might feel as if she's being left out of the loop, and it would understandably make her angry.
It's possible that this is what is happening.
Regardless of the age difference between you, both of you should have equal input into all decision making that's relative to your relationship. You are both in this relationship - not just you.
If you want her to be more easy to get along with, you will have to let her have more say when there are decisions to be made that will affect you both. It must be 50/50 all the way. Otherwise, it just won't work.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 February 2011):
 I don't know if someone could just lay out a blanket "pros and cons" list, because each individual person is different.
I can only tell you what a good friend of mine said once about a relationship she was in. She decided that when the bad times outweighed the good, that it was time to move on.
Remember this - you can not change her, and the more she lets down her hair with you, the more this temprament will come out.
However, I think it's possible that much of this is because of her immaturity, so I would suggest not letting her push you around personality wise. Some people have strong, pushy personalities.
You might want to consider parting ways once you graduate. Maybe the time away might put some maturity on her, but for now, I think she's taking you for granted.
...............................
|
