A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is my wife being honest about going through with a threesome?I have had the fantasy of seeing my wife with another man for 2-years now. I have asked her about it and she always said no. I make little comments and suggestions all the time. Finally getting a craiglist ad just for kicks and showing her pictures of good looking guys that were interested in her. She would get mad, and didn't like the fact I sent pictures of her body to these guys. Although inside I know it made her feel good that attactive guys would want her. I kept asking her, making comments and she would be playful about it sometimes but always said no. Finally I told her that I thought I was going to go crazy if I didn't get the fantasy. We started having a few fights about other stuff and after 6-months of really getting after her to do it she asked me how it would go down and that she still didn't know if she could do it and why I wanted it if I loved her. Anyways, I was afraid of diseases we might get by getting a stranger. Finally I was joking with my friend about it and he said he always wanted to get with her. I was sort of feeling weird about that but he is safe and doesn't have any STD's. So he starts sending her sexy text messages on her phone. She immediatly calls me and asks why my friend is sending these messages. I told her that we were going to get her drunk and do the 3-sum with her. She didn't like it and declined. Then after a couple of more weeks of me commenting about it, and asking her to do it she finally said if I set it up she would try but she didn't know how she'd feel afterward (possibly hate herself). So he starts texting her again and she plays along. He comes up and we get to drinking and playing games and stuff. Finally I ask her if she is ready. She is very nervous and I go in the bedroom and she is actually praying. I feel like crap but I've already told my buddy she will do it, I'm sort of wondering if she might sort of want it herself, and some sick part of me still wants it as well. She and I start making out on the bed in front of him, really turning him on. I tell her that he probably needs help out of his pants. So she stumbles over (she is very tipsy at this point) and tells him he'll have to unbutton them. He does and he reaches for her and starts making out. He kisses her neck but when he goes to her lips I start to get a sick feeling. She does turn away and I see her holding back from crying. I ask her if she is okay and if she wants to stop but she says she is fine. They do this for a couple of minutes but when he tries to kiss her on the lips again I tell him I don't like that too much and she comes over to me. Anyways we get on the bed and make out, me performing oral on her while he plays with her breasts. This part doesn't bother me so much as the kissing. Finally she starts performing oral on me and I tell her that my friend is feeling left out. She hesitantly goes over, stalls, and finally does do it. I ask her if she wants to have sex with him and she tells me that, that is up to me. I tell her that it is her body and to do what she wants. She sits, apparently not knowing what to do and finally goes over and gives him oral, until he orgasms. I now feel like crap cause I don't know if she wanted to do it for real and if I just betrayed everything we have built over the years. In the bathroom she is crying and tells me she "can't do it". As, she can't actually have sexual intercourse with him. I am all of a sudden overcome with happiness and regert and hatred for myself for carrying my own selfish fantasy this far. My question, what do you think of this? I know I'm a real prick, but would you think badly of her for finally agreeing to this, or for doing what she did, or was she just trying to fullfill my wishes. She has always put others above herself, I think I took advantage of it. I think that she just will do what I say so much, she honestly did this out of selflessness. Any thoughts you will be appreciated.
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male
reader, theManswer +, writes (9 December 2010):
Dude you really messed up you broke the trust bond between you and your wife she was devoted but you had pushed it she probably feels extremly bad deep down inside man you fucked up
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): that was awersome. wish i could force my ife to do the same
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2007): I just love how every single person on here was so quick to judge you. How about instead of blaming him for his actions, try asking his wife her actions. It's takes 2 people not 1. I don't care if he asked her everyday for 100 years. She is a grown women and knows how to say no and knows how to say stop. She could have stopped that at anytime, but she chose not too. She is to blame as much as he is but NOOOO, he's a male and male's are always at fault. This is the problem with everyone, when a man is involved the man is a pervert or a pig, but not the women, they don't do anything wrong, they are the victims. BS I say. Everyone is held accountable for there own actions, not the actions of others. How DARE you people judge him for his actions and not judge his wife. The only thing your incident did was make your marriage stronger. It made you realize your true feelings for your wife and gave you much more appreciation and much more respect for her. As for your wife she learned her true feelings for you and the love and respect she has for you. I say congrats for you two finding your limits and for finding each other once again. Life is too short, have fun while it lasts cause we don't live forever.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2007): dear friend. be very carefull what you wish for. i have been married to my wife for 17 years. we went one step further. i asked her for a 3some serveral times like your lady she said no!!!. i to became very fustrated that she would not agree to this my fantasy. after months of asking she said she would try it but with who? she asked. i said how about my best mate!!. during a drinking spell with my buddy i asked him if he would like to try a 3some with me and my wife. like any red blooded male he was chomping at the bit. that following weekend we arranged to get together. what a great night we all had. for many weeks after the same thing great sexy 3somes.until one weekend my wife asked me could she take my buddy up stairs and have sex with him alone first. i agreed and left them to it. i was down stairs and could hear the groans and enjoyment. about 45 minutes later they came down and said what great sex that was!!. we had afew drinks and had another 3some. this happened for almost 4 weeks. one night while home my buddy who is a truck driver was parked up having a night out with his truck close to home he text my wife and joked would she like to come to his truck for sex with him!. she asked could she drive round to him for a quickie with him. i said yes for what she had done for me with my fantasy. off she drove leaving the house at 8pm to go to him. it was almost 5am when she got home and into bed with me. she did this 3 times and said it was a great turn on for her. the texts started getting heavy from my buddy to my wife. love started to appear in the text. i have since found out my wife is in love with him and she is struggling who to be with as she loves us both. my marriage has suffered to the point that i had to give her space and leave our home for 3 days so she could consider who she wanted to be with. she phoned me to come home and try to rebuild our marriage after 3 days apart. we are trying to get our lives back together and be happy. this experience has caused us so much pain and suffering so please reconsider you plans a keep your fantasies as fantasies it will cost you everything
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): its so wrong for any man to, make his wife go into that, she should leave soon, i be asking myself is he gay, plus his wife must feel so dirty, all because he wanted, his fantacy, i be gone, there are good men out there, leave as he could be gay
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2007): Hello,This is Mae from China.How dare you?Why you think only about yourself?Dont share your wife with other man.She dis agree many times but you keep asking her many times.You know what,your wife doesn't happy at all.This games was againts by her WILL.Does your freind pay you some money for 3-some?I am sorry to tell you,,You are Maniac man.If to do it 3-some,but not your wife of course!There are so many whore that you can pay for.This incident was already planted both you and your wife memory.Everytime,you quarrel each other it reminds your heart.Later on,,you regret.
Best wishes for you,
Mae
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack...  +, writes (31 August 2007):
i think you were evil and tbh a horribly lame excuse for a human being.you put your own wishes before hers and if you cared for her at all then you wouldve stopped everything the moment you saw her, the woman you "love" looking like she was about to cry.i cant imagine anyone doing that to me but if they did, i wouldnt even be able to look at them in the face again and id feel sick every time i saw themi cant believe shes still with you.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (30 August 2007):
 I can understand where you're coming from. I have a very good friend (male) who felt exactly the same way you did. He loved his woman passionately and was very much a man's man and is always assertive and strong but would do anything for his woman... he had this fantasy of seeing her being taken by another man. They spoke about it often. He loves her deeply and she agreed to the fantasy because she loves him deeply too (even although she didn't really want to have this 3-some). He told me later that it was very erotic and turned him on, it was the feeling of NOT being in control (for once) and seeing the one thing he loved more than life itself being taken. Although very jealous he felt helpless to stop it. Does this make sense to you? They tried it and they're still together and he loves her more than anything.
They've spoken about it since, she wouldn't do it again but because she loves him so much she did it for him.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy wife and I have talked about this and our love seems to be as great or greater than the day I asked her to marry me, almost 9-years ago. We are going to start fresh, getting married again in October and I am going to be much more attentive to her needs and wishes. I was selfish in my previous question and story, and got what I deserved. However I've always been faithful, despite "offers", and I've always shown my wife love and protected her. I screwed up, BIG-TIME, this one time but it won't happen again, not like this. We all live and learn, and almost anyone that is given the right motivation and understanding can become better than they were before. We will all screw up again, just try not to make the very same mistake twice. I love my wife, so freakin much, and the fact she still loves me is a total blessing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): my husband did exactly the same thing to me....by doing this he has totally destroyed our marriage. We have been married for 18 years and have two children and I completely hate him for what he has done. There is no future for us anymore. Your wife will find someone else who will love, honour and respect her as she deserves and as I deserve.
x
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A
female
reader, pomegranatejuice +, writes (29 August 2007):
 When a woman says no to a sexual act and you coerce her into it physically, emotionally and through clouding her judgement by intoxicants its called rape. The title "wife" doesn't exclude basic human rights. Your wife never wanted a threesome, never intended to have one, and trusted you to love her enough to be understanding of that. You not only breeched her trust by setting her up with your friend getting her drunk and trying to force her to pleasure him, you took advantage of her love for you. Its obvious that she didn't enjoy it, that after six months of arguing she was so afraid of losing you that she agreed. Even while doing it she was miserable and you STILL DIDN'T PROTECT HER AND CALL IT OFF...Even couples who legitimately experiment sexually (threesomes s/m etc) have enough care of each other to immediately stop the activity the very moment anyone says "I can't do this". Im not sure I have any advice for you. You are a sorry excuse for a husband and an incredibly selfish man. I do have some for your wife. Id advise her to leave you imediately and never look back.
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A
female
reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (29 August 2007):
 My boyfriend of 2 years wants to do the same with me, I always say no because I think it's a big sign of betrayal... almost like cheating! I guess he's given up but I know deep down thats what he thinks about when we stuff! I think you've pushed her a lil too far and I think thats exactly how I would feel like if we ever gotten to the part of going through with it. Tell me, why this fantasy? Why do you want to share YOUR WIFE, YOUR ONLY with ANOTHER man? When you two have devoted your life together (no one else).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2007): I think you went too far. Your wife had no desire for a threesome. She is partnered only to you and she looked to you to honor her self-respect and dignity. I don't how important your wife and family is to you but playing around with sexual boundaries is proving to be dangerous to your marriage. She was unwilling to do this, in the first place but she agreed only after you badgered her. What an unloving thing for you to do, so you could have your fantasy. I really hope she emotionally recovers as this was some that went against her ethical principals of what her marriage meant to her. She is a one-man woman and she is monogomous. Do you not realize how fortunate you are? Your wife obviously loves you, to have allowed it to go this far. For the sake of your marriage, I would suggest that you try to negotiate a strict sexual exclusivity with your wife and give up this threesome fantasy and never do this to her again. You may not see the effects of this now but there could be long term ramifications. You will have to earn back her trust. You may have to put your marriage on the line. I suggest if she flounders in the future and this bothers her, you both should get into marriage counseling...real fast. Wait and see how this plays out and I suggest you apologize and spend a lot of time reassuring her that this will never, ever happen again.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (29 August 2007):
 You have got yourself a very loyal woman who loves you to bits and would do anything in the world to please you. From your detailed description of what happened that day, it seems very clear that she wasn't enjoying the whole threesome experience at all, and that she was only 'attempting' it because she knows you want it so very badly.
You didn't force her, no, but yes, you did play on her selflessness, knowing that she already said no everytime you asked her. And please, for your sake and mainly her sake, do not subject her to something like that again.
If you want the relationship to continue to work, make this a one off experience and put it behind the both of you. You should assure her that you truly appreciated her doing that for you and that it was only going to be one off thing. Tell her that you love her loads and be comforting towards her if she needs you there. What you are trying to do is to make her feel that what she has done for you was worth it, because she gets to bring the relationship closer and stronger even when she detested every single second of the act. Now the last thing you want to do is to fill her with guilt and think that what she did was completely a waste of time, and more importantly, a huge privacy invader. Also, mention to your friend not to speak a word about the incident and not to act all weird in front of her as this would certainly trigger all those 'unpleasant' memories for her. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, auntyluuurve +, writes (29 August 2007):
 im sorry... but you are one evil sick nasty piece of work. how can you even look at yourself. your WIFE? she said no, cried, said no some more, cried some more, couldnt even bring herself to not cry when in the middle of the act and she was drunk? you are sick. your poor wife. i think the best thing you can do right now is leave her because i wouldnt wish the company of a person like you on anyone, especially not somebody who is as good natured as your wife sounds. if you dont wanna do that, then you need to SERIOUSLY make up for it otherwise i personally think you qualify for being one of the worst and cruellest people in the world.
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