A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,This might be long, so if you read it all thanks. I'm new to the terrain of serious relationships so I'm sure I'm making lots of errors, but its fun anyways. I met this girl who I really like. I can be very judgmental sadly and quickly reject those around me. But she is wonderful. She ticks almost every box and I'm so happy I found someone who I feel I can get along with. I've been with her for around 6 months now. Still I want to spend every minute that I'm available with her. We are living together and I work and she does, on different time schedules, so we rarely have a full day together. At first things were great. She seemed really interested in me, seemed like she really cared about me. We would often just lie together for a couple of hours talking. We were having sex 1-2 times a day for a couple of months. It was really the first time I had sex where there was an emotional connection. It meant something, it wasn't just physical. I actually felt like nothing else in the world mattered except her. She seemed to desire closeness, like I did. I felt like I found someone I love and who loved me. She moved in with me after about 3 months. She has had some bad things happen in her past, and she is in a bad financial situation. I have been helping her, though she NEVER asked for help. She always refused and said no, no, no. I offered lots but she always refused. She would get anxious when in a restaurant because she didn't want me to pay the bill. But the last couple of months things have started to tail off. I still feel the same about her but I'm not sure she does. I'm starting to think she is using me. She is living me and I pay all the bills, including food. I drive her everywhere. We are now having sex about once a week, and she doesn't seem as interested as she did when we first met. I'm always struggling to get her to show affection. But sometimes she does. She will just start hugging me or kissing me. Still, we rarely passionately kiss anymore, only the once a week when we have sex. I try to talk to her. She says that she finds it difficult to express emotions. I can understand that in a sense, she has had a difficult past, not many people have treated her nicely, but at the same time I'm not a social worker. If she loves me and I love her I will do anything in my power for her. I often send her emails telling her how I feel. I asked her to send one to me on numerous occasions. I just said be honest, whatever it is just tell me. She hasn't after a month. She says being mushy makes her feel nauseous. She said that initially she couldn't be herself and show her moods but now she is comfortable so she can. She does seem very moody. One day she seems to really love me, the next I'm an intruder in my own house. I don't know if that is normal, I have not been in any other relationship long enough. I have caught her lying to me and I so I find it difficult to trust her. She has also said that she likes time alone. I find it difficult to give her that. Two days a week I work and she doesn't so she has nearly two whole days a week alone. I'm started to get frustrated. I really love her. I really do. But most of the time I feel like she doesn't care about me. She says she does, but I'm not sure what to believe. Any advice would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): Hey I can completely understand where you are coming from on this. But don't push her to do things. If she is scared of commitment pushing her to commit will only push her away. Give her some space as hard as it may be. She seems that she really does have feelings for you and once things started getting too serious she started backing off. She is only afriad of getting too attached and then losing the one thing that makes her world go round. Either that or she is just using you for everything because it's easier that way. You really need to sit back and think about things, really think. You need to make sure that this is exactly what you want and if it is, sit down and talk to her. tell her how you feel and you can understand if she is scared, tell her you are too. But you will be here when she needs you. I really hope this helps. You seem like a really good guy and deserve so much better. I hope that she can realize that you CAN do better if need be, but you are choosing her first.
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