A
female
age
36-40,
*imoh
writes:Hey everyone.Am depressed need your advice.I am mother of twins they are only 3 years. My husband of 4 years has told me we should split up in several occassions. I have found him on dating sites twice and everytime he diactivate the account. He says I dont turn him on sexually, infact we barely have sex unless I ask him and sometimes he says he is tired for sex. When we do i think its great. I know he stays up very late so last month i bought webwatcher to spy on his laptop and I have found out that he only watches shemale porn he can spend hours watching it and I have come to realise thats why he is not intrested in me sexually. Everyone think I am very beautiful and attractive, I have kept my figure and I am only 29 while he is 38. what should I do? should i stay with him for few years until kids are older because for now I am not ready to see other people? should I stay for money as well? I know he says he is not happy and I know he can leave anytime but before he does should I just stay?.Thank you
View related questions:
depressed, money, my figure, porn, shemale, split up, transexual porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, VenusFlowerBasket  +, writes (15 May 2013):
I grew up with parents that didn't love each other. Trust me - don't do that to your children.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): Thank you everyone for your advice I know there is no future here I think am just sacred to take the first move but I know soon I will be strong and probably he will be the one to leave.He is even looking for houses. I am preparing myself to be on my own.My worry is he might not support his kids because he has always said he might leave the country but I guess that will be a worry for another day. I have saved something small and I dont want to worry about the future I believe something good will come out after the pain and hurt I have gone through.Thank you again guys.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2013): This will probably send me to hell in a hand-basket but, take it for what you will.First, this guy is just out of it. He is a total lost cause and not into because he into trannies. He selfish and I would do the personal work to see how you ended up with this character. That being said, you could work the situation to your advantage. This is probably the most cold and calculating advice, but just plan on leaving him. Start saving up money in a separate account maybe in your mom's name, and just plan to leave. Have a financial plan, and if you feel like dating, do so. Because he probably is banging trannies as I type.Also, use a condom with this man. You wouldn't want to get some incurable disease because of this actions.That being said, this is something I could not do. But maybe start making a plan to leave and try to document his cheating so you have more legal backing. Run..that's the main thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (11 May 2013):
 Whether or not to leave is a decision that you must have the strength to answer. There are so many variables that you need to reconcile with yourself. I also empathize with you -- leaving a marriage with children is never easy. I know the pain you are feeling as well -- sexual rejection hurts tremendously, especially in a committed relationship.
I think you need to decide if you can leave: are you financial able to? How will your children feel? Is sex the only hindrance in another wise decent marriage? Sometimes sacrifices must be made -- is there anything you are happy about?
I would also give a lot of credence to the fact that your husband is on dating sites. This means he could be exploring his options and it is only a matter of time before he cheats (if he hasn't already cheated) or he finds a connection on one of the dating sites. Once that happens, you'll be left behind...
Since this is affecting you and making you depressed, I would highly recommend you see a therapist or local religious figure. Having someone to explain your problems to and having the ability to get some tools to help yourself and possibly your marriage, can make a world of difference. Go for yourself... having someone to talk to can make a world of difference in your self-esteem and outlook.
My biggest hope for you is that you take some steps in making your life happy again (and YOU will have to take some sort of initiative). You only get one life to live -- don't let a day go by living in misery.
Eddie
...............................
A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (11 May 2013):
 I think your marriage is over. Each year you stay is another year of your life wasted. In my opinion you shouldn't stay. You should make sure you and your children are taken care of financially in the divorce, and you should make that happen as soon as possible and not waste another day of your life on someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Dont stay because of your children. You deserve a man who wants to love and cherish you and your children to. Porn is a addiction. I really believe you cant do nothing for this man. Move on...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Case Number: 100,000,000,002 and countingWhat a sinister disease this is… it destroys families, and decays our moral fibre as a society. You are best to seek counselling support and propose the ultimatum of divorce lest your twins be infected/rejected by this so called father figure the longer you stay. The more you delay any decision the more damage it will cause for your twins… This is not something a responsible parent would want for their children? Your husband has made it clear ‘several times’ that he has no interest in preserving a quality family life and can leave anytime himself. HE DOES NOT CARE or give a sh*te about you – he is married to porn!?But here you’re squawking how very beautiful others find you, how you’re not ready to see other people and staying for monies sake… This is totally immaterial – it’s not about you, it’s about your children! Does Ireland not have Child Support etc?
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 May 2013):
Staying in a miserable relationship for the kids doesn't do them any favors. I was afraid of marriage for years because my parents had a volatile relationship.
If he makes sufficient money then he can pay sufficient child support. I don't think you should stay with him; you deserve to be with someone who treats you how you want to be treated.
If the bedroom is the only rough spot, maybe you need to see a sex therapist. Another alternative would be for you to use a strap-on and act out his fantasy. Or you could open up the relationship and he could start dating she-males and you could find some guy to take care of your needs.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Take it from someone who grew up seeing that crap. IT'S NOT WORTH IT! I hated the fact that my parents stayed together. I did take a toll on me as an adult. I had unnecessary issues in my relationship because of what I saw. I didn't understand what a healthy relationship looks like and still don't! I to this day am learning what that is and I am 36 years old! Do you want your children to be like me because you're too afraid to make a difficult decision? Staying is the easy way out don't do that to them. Believe me what you do now is DETRIMENTAL to the stability and welfare of your kids. What they're seeing as a children will impact their adult life. Do the right thing no matter how difficult. At the end of the day, do it for them not for you. I wish you the very Best!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): What a poor pathetic excuse of a husband and man he is. You got your answer from this prick excuse me. He is living in a fantasy world of porn. Time to leave and tell the a hole where to send the support payments and get a good lawyer. You leave now don't wait another minute. There are lots of men out there who would cherish you as a woman and a person with your children. You cant fight this and you need your sanity for you and your children. Get out of there right now. Please hurry...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): Thank you. I am also unhappy and i know i can never trust him but part of me want to stay because there are few things i want to achieve before the marriage is over. He has said he would support the kids financially if we split up but i dont buy that story I am a student i will graduate in 2 years time so was thinking maybe i should wait for then. but i understand what you saying yes this is the right time to split up and i hope i will be ready soon because it cant go on like this.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 May 2013):
Do you actually want to stay? Or are you just thinking this is the right thing to do for the kids?
He has said you both should split up, he prefers porn to you, and you seem very unhappy together. There will never be a good time to separate for your kids. Waiting a few years will only make it more traumatic though as they will be older and understand it more. If they are the only thing keeping you together, you have to realise that if they grow up in an unhappy household they will pick up on this and this will be detrimental to their well-being. You and your husband need to have a frank conversation about whether your marriage has a future. If it does, you’ve both got to want it and be willing to talk and listen to each other. If not, talk about fair access and child support plans for after the split. And resolve to keep things civil for the sake of the kids you have together.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
