A
female
age
51-59,
*ondsernedmom
writes:My eleven year old girl has been masturbating lately. Last year for her birthday i bought her this toy dog that when you pull the tail it vibrates. Four days ago i peeked into her room and saw her repeatedly pulling the tail and she had it on her private with her pants off. I went to talk to her about it and she was embarrassed that i saw her and first i asked her why she was doing it. She said because it feels good. And i asked her to stop. Yesterday she begged me to let her do it. I said no and she said she was craving it. Also this morning she was at it again. I don't know what to do now and did i do the right thing before!? Please answer back. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 3Plus1_TeenGirls  +, writes (22 May 2010):
Firstly in Answer To Your Question . . . . . NO !!! ... You DID NOT Do he Right thing !!!! ..... you Should Be ASHAMED Of Yourself. Masturbation is COMPLETELY NORMAL and HEALTHY !!! ... Even for an 11 Year Old Girl. in fact it's Healthy at ANY AGE !!! . . . . . You should do a bit of Research. actually A LOT OF RESEARCH. Babyies Even Masturbate !!! ... Yes ... BABIES !!! In fact, YOU Probably or more correctly MOST LIKELY masturbated when you were a baby. Before you Condemn what I am saying, just think of any times you have seen a baby Girl who has maybe just had her bath and is laying on a blanket or mat on the floor, and she rocks back and forth as she rubbs her thighs together and giggle. Well, she is actually Masturbating !! ... YES ... The Rocking/Rubing of Thighs Mothion is actually Rubbing her Clitorus between her Vulval Lips and Stimulating her . . . And It Really Feels Nice to her. Now think of when You Own Daughter Did That when she was a baby .... Oh Yes ... :) ... and you used to laugh at her doing it. In time they realise that if they touch their Tiny Clits with their fingers that it really feels Nice Too .... so then they combine both the Rocking/Rubbing with The 'Fingering' action and they get extremely excited and kind of screech as they giggle. So DO NOT STOP HER from Masturbating. Just say to her ... " I know it feels Awsome sweetheart, but just make sure you Do It in Private, and lock Your door when you do it " ..... YESt her Lock Her Door ... It's A Private thing ... Even You shouldn't interfere !!!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 January 2010):
 Sorry this is fun, I'm off to see if the statement still works if I use the words "swimming" and "water".. :)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 January 2010):
Sorry.. should read (EATING requires an increasing amount of stimulus to achieve consistent levels of pleasure) lol.. which idiot published this silly stuff????
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 January 2010):
FOOD is addictive, and FOOD addictions are in fact self-induced drug addictions. The chemicals our bodies release during EATING create the same effect on the brain as drugs. Repeated EATING reinforces a brain chemistry loop of addiction. (ref: Exposing Porn: Science, Religion, and the New Addiction, Paul Strand. www.cbn.com, April 2004) As with drug addiction, FOOD requires an increasing amount of stimulus to achieve consistent levels of pleasure. This can lead to both an increased frequency of the habit and a never-ending search for new material to enhance the experience. (QUOTE)
Replace the words masturbation and sexual addiction with anything else you please, and you'll see the statement still makes sense and is true in a literal sense... THIS IS ACKNOWLEDGE BY THE MOST RESPECTED AND HIGHEST AWARDED SCIENTIST IN THE WORLD AS BAD SCIENCE....
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Female anon, I do think you need to apologize for that essay. Not because it was long, but because it was mostly BS.
"people masturbate not only for the pleasure, but to medicate pain of rejection, abuse, poor self-esteem, or frustration or stress."
People masturbate because it feels good. I suppose you think adults have sex because they are psychotic.
"also, i think it is important to ask her how she learnt about it.. most likely it was a friend, who many influence her into other things."
Youngsters learn because they touch themselves and discover it feels good. No one ever told me how to masturbate or that it even existed. I discovered it by myself and that was long before the internet or computers or sex education was ever even thought of.
"As with drug addiction, masturbation requires an increasing amount of stimulus to achieve consistent levels of pleasure."
More BS. It didn't take any more stimulation to masturbate when I was 50 than it did when I was a teen. It is not drug addiction. I don't think it is any different for woman than it is for men.
"if she continues to masturbate at that age.. what do you think she will be doing when she is 13? 16?"
She's going to masturbate. What do you think she is going to do. I started before I was even able to ejaculate and I didn't have sex until I was 20 or 21. To listen to you, one would think that I would have raped multiple woman by the time that I was 16.
By the way, didn't you miss the point that she will go blind, or does that just happen to little boys.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (30 January 2010):
I can't believe that some people advise you that she is too young to masterbate at 11, when in a couple of years time, (or maybe now) she'll have puberty and be ready to make a baby...
And as for Mrs anonymous... all sex is bad, cut of her hands so she'll never masturbate again, because we all know that anything good is addictive.... Hell, cut of her hands so she can't enjoy touching her body, cut off her tongue, so she can't have the enjoyment of talking back to you, starve her so she won't get any pleasure from food.. You know what they say, "spare the rod, spoil the child"... your far to kind, you left your disgustingly "normal" kid alive...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2010): If she actually asked you to please let her do it then YOU have a serious control issue. It's healthy for her to masterbate and it's no one's business but hers either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): ondsernedmom, im not sure what you have done since receiving all these answers.. especially the ones telling you that you were wrong to stop her and that it will have adverse effects on her when she is older.
i believe you did the right thing in stopping her.. although now that she has felt what it is like, it will be extremely difficult to stop.
masturbation is addictive, and sexual addictions are in fact self-induced drug addictions. The chemicals our bodies release during sexual arousal create the same effect on the brain as drugs. Repeated masturbation reinforces a brain chemistry loop of addiction. (ref: Exposing Porn: Science, Religion, and the New Addiction, Paul Strand. www.cbn.com, April 2004) As with drug addiction, masturbation requires an increasing amount of stimulus to achieve consistent levels of pleasure. This can lead to both an increased frequency of the habit and a never-ending search for new material to enhance the experience.
she is 11 years old.. which i believe to be extremely young. to masturbate you have to think about something sexual (correct me if im wrong). if she continues to masturbate at that age.. what do you think she will be doing when she is 13? 16?
apologies for the essay. but i think you need to talk to her. ask her why she is masturbating. many times, people masturbate not only for the pleasure, but to medicate pain of rejection, abuse, poor self-esteem, or frustration or stress. also, i think it is important to ask her how she learnt about it.. most likely it was a friend, who many influence her into other things.
be open to her, and explain to her why you dont want her to do it. but also be open to hearing her, so she wont be embarrassed to talk to you.
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female
reader, laayyla  +, writes (5 January 2010):
'You don’t want her doing any more private things alone. Did you see the post of the 12 old pregnant? That’s come from privacy. '
'if you take very small kids and let them go nude you’ll see them grab themselves, that why you want to keep a diaper on them as much as possible'
haha i can't stop laughing
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Would you have stopped your son from masturbating? I doubt it. I started experimenting at age 12 and it did not lead me to be sexually deviant. I waited until college to have my first sexual experience and I attribute this to being able to fulfill myself and understand my body. If I was in your daughters shoes I would feel very confused and embarrassed, she'll probably feel like that for awhile.
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female
reader, Wise Owl +, writes (4 January 2010):
Masturbation at that age is not sexual.
The interest in boys and all that sexual stuff will come at a later date, for now she has stumbled upon something that's pretty harmless, so in a while tell her about the important sex stuff if you think it's appropriate, but for now I would leave her be.
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 My answer is different.
Modern sexologists are agreed on moral point that masturbation is normal. It is not harmful. And, to certain extent they are not wrong. Children do such thing merely out of curiosity. And, not that they feel pleasure.Their mind has not achieve maturity to grasp the pleasure conceptually. It is almost impossible to stop them. But, it is possible to give them right ideas about masturbation.
In masturbation, the idea of pleasure is required to be realized. Just as in exchange of material values, the ideas of 'profit' is important. So, in sexual-spiritual-intellectual realm, the ideas of pleasure is important. And, the element of pleasure dependent upon body's chemistry. It is precious. It is required to be preserve. In economic realm, the ideas of saving is vital for economic activity, so in sexual pleasure, the idea of controlling the flaw of chemistry is vital.
Parent can do great work in this realm, and make sexual habit vital.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): I have to say, it depends on the culture. For me, and my culture. I don't masturbate at all. and I am 16.
It just depends on how the child was brought up.
Just on a side note: Habits are hard to break.
So, if you decide to let her do it. Don't regret it. She may never stop.
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 She needs to do it in private, and she shouldn't be soiling a perfectly nice toy.
However, it was very wrong of you to stop her from masturbating, per se. It's not inherently evil, or dirty, or harmful. You need to have a talk with her and apologize for overreacting, but tell her that it's something to do in private, and that the toy dog was meant to be a plaything... we have hands for a reason. :)
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female
reader, Leo1989  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 you did NOT do the right thing masturbation is normal and NO age is too young to start! i started at 9! i am with celialetta on this. you cannot tell her what she can and cannot do with her own body especially something as normal as masturbation.
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male
reader, Eh dont ask +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Hey, this is coming from a 13 year old boy, so I think you might not take me seriously but here it goes. Masturbating is natural, and it's also natural for parents to freak out when their children start doing it. You should let her go ahead, I masturbate a lot, I'll say it, but is it a bad thing? No! It's just doing something for your own pleasure. I think you should give her "The Talk" privately and tell her it's okay to masturbate and apologize for what you did earlier. Tell her you love her no matter what and masturbating isn't something she has to be ashamed of. Besides mom, I'm sure you did it a lot when you were a young woman to, right?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): sorry missy and caring guy your ansers posted after i read and went to respond... i agree...totally.
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female
reader, r_a_w_r1645 +, writes (3 January 2010):
 im not trying to sound like a bit** but i think u should respect her privacy. im 14 and have done it for a couple years. shes old enough to do it. its not wrong at all. let her be.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (3 January 2010):
 Children start exploring their bodies in the womb. 11 isn't too young at all, in fact, most kids really start finding out about sexual pleasure went they are pubescent and starting to experience hormone surges along with their growth spurts. I think that you should have a talk with her about masturbation and sex, and when it is appropriate and when it is not - she may resort to asking her friends questions about her sexual explorations, which would lead to a lot of false information (like 11 is too young to masturbate) and possibly phone calls from irate parents who may not have the same view regarding sex as your family.
You should explain that their is nothing wrong with exploring your own body in the privacy of your own home and her bedroom, but that she is too young to be sharing any part of her body that a bathing suit touches with anyone else. She isn't too young to hear all about the birds and the bees either. I gave both of my children their first talk in Grade 2; when they were 7. They had ALREADY come home from school with tales of where babies come from, so it was time for some information instead of misinformation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): as a mother i appreciate your concern...but there is nothing wrong with her learning what feels good. if scratching her butt felt good would you tell her what a horrible person she was for scratching it? no.. you would tell her it is not appropriate in some places. there is a time and place for learning...she wasnt trying to be dirty...just curious. i am from a VERY conservative circle believe it or not but i think Q, lonelytwo, carlygo, brooklyngirl, and strontiumdog are right.i wasnt allowed..it was a dirty act and we didnt even TALK about it...and yes it gave me a lot of inhibitions that i have had a hard time overcoming even after nearly 30 years of marriage....i have 3 daughters. i would never make then feel dirty or embarrassed for doing it. just tell them to do it privatley. mal
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male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (2 January 2010):
 I'm sorry, but I don't agree with stopping her.
One of my daughters discovered masturbation around that age, if not somewhat younger. How do I know? She used to come home from school, crawl under a blanket in front of the TV while I was making supper, and go at it right there in the living room. I was profoundly uncomfortable -- not because that she was doing it, but because she wasn't being private about it, and it's not something I want to see anyone do, let alone her. I told her that that was something you do in private, and there have been no more incidents.
Like it or not, we're all born with nerves in the pelvic region that make us feel good when stimulated. We can learn how to deal with them in a culturally appropriate manner and grow up to be sexually healthy people. Or, like happened to so many of us, we can be taught that there's something sinful and shameful there. It took me many, many years go shed that "shameful" idea. I'm trying my best not to pass it on to my kids.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): its natural you should explain ot her that you dont mind her doing it (Even if you do) she needs to learn to explore her own body
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): Children sometimes discover pleasuring themselves as young as age 4, they actually don't have orgasms this young but they figure out ways to stimulate themselves.
I think it is sometimes a reaction to stress, boredom or self comforting...
At age 11, she could be coming into puberty and masturbating because of all her raging sex hormones. It's natural and I think you shouldn't try to stop her. That said I think you need to tell her that it is OK to do in private, but that you don't want her to be doing it all of the time non stop as there could be something else she is reacting to. Have the talk about how it is not OK to let other children touch her there, it is something that she does by herself in either her bedroom or bathroom somewhere in private.
Also, be aware of any sexual triggers going on in the home around her. If you are a single mom, and are dating and kissing a man in front of her, she can be responding to the sexualized environment. I would definately put a lock on any computer as it is very easy now days to find free internet porn, and she doesn't need to learn about all of that at her young age.
Probably time to have the sex talk and talk about her period coming if you haven't already.
It is probably just fine and normal for her to be doing what she is doing, she is developing kind of early where some kids develop much later. She is going to do it no matter what you try to do to stop her, just give her some guidance and don't make it dirty for her.
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female
reader, KJ99 +, writes (2 January 2010):
You have got to talk to her and explain to her that what she was doing was normal and not bad. Maybe explain to her that it is something that is done only in private, but that it is ok to explore her body. Follow this up with a discussion about waiting to have sex or fooling around with boys. Make it clear that sex has consequences and she is WAY too young to deal with those.My best friends grew up in a very strict, prudish environment where sex and masturbation were taught to be disgusting and wrong. Now they are married and are in counseling because they can't have a normal sex life with their husbands. One of them is 29 and has never had an orgasm and refuses to masturbate because it is "gross", (her words not mine). Her poor husband is frustrated too because if she does know what feels good to herself, how can he possibly be able to know. I am sure that is not what you want for your daughter's future. I grew up in a house where sex was taught to be a normal healthy part of life, once you are in a healthy commiteded relationship and old enough to know and deal withthe consequences. Masturbation was not talked about too much but I do remember my mom telling me it was ok to do in private when I asked her what it was. I started masturbating at about 10 or 11 and didn't have sex until I was 18 almost 19. When I did have sex for the first time I was able to enjoy it fully. I have also only had 2 partners so I would say that I had a pretty safe and nonpromiscious past. I would think that alot of that has to so with my background and what I was I taught. Please go and explain to your daughter that you were caught off guard and that you overreacted. Her future marital happiness is at stake.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): I hope your reaction did not cause any permanent damage to your daughter's sexuality. Masturbation is perfectly normal and healthy. Maybe you should buy her a vibrator for clitoral stimulation. 11 years old is NOT too early, I was the same age when I discovered how good I can make myself feel, now I'm 25.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): I think it was really wrong for you to embarrass her like that. I started experimenting when I was 8 and I was made to feel weird and bad about it by my parents and I have to say it did mess me up a bit. For so long I felt it was bad and was uncomfortable with that sort of thing till I was 20 and now that is not normal. So let her do what she needs to do or your gonna mess your daughter up. If you haven't already.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): If you want her to be the best partner she can be for her future husband, then let her do it. She's not the best she can be if she's a girl who can't let go and experience as much pleasure as she wants. A woman's pleasure is amazing, and is so affirming to her partner.
Just tell her to do it in private. Maybe get her a door sign. Of course, she may or may not be doing the business when she has it on display, lol.
This doesn't mean you should let her have sex at an early age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): i think its pretty normal. let her explore herself and learn.
all children go through this and its nothing to worry about, i remember going through this myself.
talk to your doctor.
good luck :)
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female
reader, pril +, writes (2 January 2010):
Ok I no this is hard for u to deal with but she is going to do it. Just have the talk with her. I no she is young but she needs to no. My mom didn't really have the talk with me and I had sex early in life. I wish I wouldn't have. I no u don't want her to masturbate but its really not up to u. Its her body. Just calm down and breath. Ur baby is growing up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): i have to say that on one hand it is normal to masterbate but, where to do it is in question.. if you tell her she cant.. that creates adverse effects later in life. she will think that touching herself is bad and eventually can lead to other problems..
masterbating is not bad and what she is doing is normal.. i caught my 9 year old son going at it with soap and of course soap got in the tip of his penis... OUCH. i explained that it was ok for him to do this.. and that he should do it in the privacy of the bathroom with water... and explore his body in private and without soap...
i also suggest having a chat with her doctor to find out some methods to help mom deal with this situation correctly
good luck and relax...you have a normal 11 year old
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female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (2 January 2010):
 In my opinion, it is fine for her to be experimenting with her body. It is perfectly normal and healthy! It is a shock for a mom to find their daughter doing it! We are so resourceful as humans! It is amazing how she discovered a beneficial use for her toy!
We don't want our kids growing up thinking that self satisfaction is "dirty and sinful!"
You do indeed have to have a talk with her about "sex with others."
But I believe self discovery is good for a child!
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female
reader, UptonGirl +, writes (2 January 2010):
 i think you did the right thing. she is too young to be doing that and i`m wondering how she even knew about it. if she keeps begging be very firm with her and keep saying no
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): well you need to let her do it or she wont have any sexual activity when she gets older try to get her something much bigger so it wont fit and take the dog away when she is at a friends house or something.
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female
reader, AnonymousK +, writes (2 January 2010):
Obviously you should try to get her to stop, you do NOT want her to become addicted. But 11 years old is way to early to start masturbating. You did the right thing by talking to her, even if it did embarress her. But she needs to know that you are not comfortable with this, and be very stern with laying down the law. Maybe even take the dog with the vibrating tail away from her?
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