A
female
age
51-59,
*antasyX
writes:My ex partner to whom I have a child has recently broken up with his wife and has come running back to me in order to reinstate a relationship that was never completely finished because he left to marry her. However, during his marriage of about 4 years (he claims the marriage was a mistake and he should have married me), I have moved on and my feelings towards him have changed. He asked if he could come to stay at my house because he needed to move out of her house. I am currently renting him a room but he seems to be of the view that it comes with "fringe benefits" even though I told him it's all about the rent. Admittedly, I have given in on more than one occasion but have told him that it really cannot continue as I don't see a future with him and feels he may be using me to try to get over her or get her back. I have tried keeping my distance with him even though I said we could just be friends but from time to time he seems to want more. He said he'll have to try and find someone else and it has recently come to my attention that he is in contact with his wife and probably trying to get back with her even though he told me it's all over. I get the feeling that he is probably using me until he gets back with her as I have noticed he doesn't seem to be saying much to me and he always seem to be preoccupied with other thoughts. I really don't know what I should do as I feel it is only a matter of time before he leaves again as he's not too happy about paying rent if he could go back to her to live for free. Should I get rid of him first or wait to see what's going on?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Well I think that says it all about what kind of man he is, he is a user and doesn't care about anyone but himself. At least your son has you in his life. He does not need his father if he is going to treat him like that. You are doing the right thing by getting him out of your house. Good for you for finally standing up to him. All the best in the future.
A
female
reader, fantasyX +, writes (16 November 2011):
fantasyX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thank you all for your responses and you have all come to the same conclusion as what I had been thinking. Well, just to let you know that after reading all your messages it did prompt me to do the right thing. I had some suspicions that he was in touch with his wife and I confronted him about it last night. He claims he is just talking to her so I reminded him that when he came knocking on my door for a room, he told me it was all over and it was a mistake marrying her, etc etc. Well, anyway I have given him his marching orders and have told him to leave on or before the 19th Nov as that is when the next month's rent is due. I told him that he is not going to come into my house and use me to get back with her just as he did the last time. He did not put up much of a fight and said he would go. I really do hope so because this guy has been messing me about for the longest time because he feels he can and stupidly I have allowed it.
Aunt Honesty, in answer to your question regarding his child, no he doesn't regularly support his child and has not been a good father at all. When he leaves I doubt that my son will see much of him. Maybe from time to time when he is feeling down to see what is going on in our house. To be honest, my son will not miss him much as he knows what his father is like and has come to the sad realisation that he cannot rely on his father for anything as he has let him down many times too in his 11 years of life. Thanks again to you all and keep up the good work.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): this man is just afraid to be alone and needs to be in a relationship at all times.
such people don't make good partners for anyone because they live their relationships from a self-centered focus, in so doing they falsely mislead people into believing they want to be with them when actually they just want company to feel better about themselves.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 November 2011):
The mere fact that he is an ex is all I need to know - but added to the fact that he's suddenly coming back now that he split from his other wife only adds to the general feeling that this man is just using you until such time as his wife gets back with him, or he finds someone else.
You know where you stand with him, deep down. And I think everyone here agrees that he's just after getting whatever he can until something else comes along. Sounds like you need to move him on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): He obviously doesnt want to be on his own. Theres probably no one else on the market for him yet. You are probably wishing he loved you. You know whats going to happen in the end so why are you lining yourself up for heartbreak?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I would tell him to go find another place to crash, I think you need to trust your gut feelings.
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A
female
reader, goldie22 +, writes (15 November 2011):
"I have moved on and my feelings towards him have changed."
I think this says it all really. if you think you are being used then dont let him get close again because when he runs back to his wife it will only end up in tears
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Well.... the ending of the story is the same.... whether you want to "wait and see" or not. The only difference is WHEN you have reality slapped in your face.... The "ending"???? Let me predict.....
He will keep stringing you along as long as you don't call him on it. (After all, what guy isn't ecstatic to have a "girl on the side"????).... Some time, in the future, there will be an incident (with his REAL family) wherein HE will have to tip his hand to you. It will be some problem at home, likely.
THEN, he will put you aside, and attend to his REAL family... and YOU will return here and ask the Aunts "WHA' HAPPENED????"..... And we'll tell you that he's finally had to dump you....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 November 2011):
Have your feelings towards him really changed or are you just trying to convince yourself you don't feel anything so that you do not get hurt. He obviously hurt you in the past by leaving you for his wife. So obviously you are going to have barriers up. It does sound suspicious to me that he would just go running to you as soon as there marriage hits some trouble. It sounds to me like he does not want to be alone so he just decided to see if you would take him. If it was me well I would be standing my ground and making him prove that he is serious, but it does not sound like he is serious about you, it sounds like he is on the rebound. I believe his heart is still with his wife and if she takes him back you will just be dumped all over again. What kind of father has he been? Has he been involved with the child and paid you for the child? This really is your decision to make, but I wouldn't let him use you, as you will be the one who gets hurt.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (15 November 2011):
You need to ask him to leave asap. He is using you for convenience. He married her and he will go back to her as soon as he gets that chance.
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