A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married and had a relationship with collegaue in office. We got along for couple of years well including physically and now she got married to a guy. She says she wants to continue being physical with me but I am finding it hard to accept now because she is already sharing herself with her husband. She understands its tough for me to accept her but she is still fine. Has anyone gone through similar experience? What solution you have got? Please help, what I should do in this situation? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): She has a husband, he is the one who married her so why the hell wouldn't they have sex?! What claim over her do you think you have? None at all, when she was a single woman do you think you were the only man!
Neither of you are doing what is right. You should concentrate on your marriage or let your wife know what has been going on so she can decide if she wants to spend the rest of her life with someone who has cheated. Let the other woman carry on, hopefully her husband will find out what she really is and maybe then you can be together.
If this sounds harsh I must add I usually try to remain passive, but cheating and having secret lovers is low. The partners in the dark about it deserve a lot more respect.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): it's silly of you to feel this way because you were married first. How do you think your mistress has felt all this time knowing you were 'sharing' yourself with your wife? you need to just get used to the fact that she's married, so her husband comes first in her life. If you didn't want that, then you should have divorced your wife long ago and married her. But you didn't do that. Instead another man stepped forward to make a real commitment to her. So you have no right to complain now.
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A
female
reader, goldie22  +, writes (15 November 2011):
so its ok for you to ave a wife then that you sleep with and lie to all the time about having sex with a collegue but not for your mistress to have a husband?
I personally dont think you deserve your wife. What is the point in being married if you dont value or respect the woman your married to. What the hell makes you think you deserve a second woman as well and have the right to command to her who she may or may not sleep with. Im sorry mate you cant have your cake and eat it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 What's to "go through????" YOU are cheating on YOUR wife... she, apparently, is content to cheat on her new hubby.... and YOU have the audacity to claim "....I am finding it hard to accept now..."
Did you ever get ANY exposure to morals, ethics and fidelity whilest you were growing up?????
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I am going to assume your wife does not know about your mistress.
I am going to assume you also are having sex with your wife...
if neither of these is correct let me know so I can revise my advice.
at this point assuming you are having sex with your wife and lying to her about your mistress you have NO SAY in who your mistress sleeps with since she clearly has no say in who you are sleeping with.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 November 2011):
 Either you and this woman get a divorce and then marry each other. Or you dump this woman and stay with your wife, you leave her alone to make love to her husband.
I think your problem is called greedy.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 I completely agree with anonymous 123 here, what makes you think that you can tell this woman it is hard on you to share her with her husband, you never showed her any commitment all she was to you was a bit on the side while you went home to your wife and she went home alone. Now she has found someone to share her life with just as you have been doing, yet she is still wanting to have sex with you, she is just as bad as you. I feel sorry for your wife and her husband who have to share there partners without even realising what is going on. Do you not feel guilt about cheating and betraying your wife, it seems like you just care about yourself and your own needs, where is the love for your wife? Let her go so she can find a man who treats her right and then you are free to date whoever you like.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 So you are married, cheating on your wife, having sex with another woman and you actually have the nerve to say you don't want to "share" the other woman with anyone else...pardon me, but what exactly gives you the moral right to question anything here??
Ever thought that you yourself are being "shared" by two woman?
Let the other woman lead her life and you carry on with yours. Either decide to develop some morals and good sense and be loyal to your wife, or leave her alone because she doesnt deserve someone as selfish and thoughtless as you. As for the other woman, she's no better...some circle of cheaters this is!! I dont understand why she had to ruin some innocent guy's life by getting married and then cheat on him, but that's her call.
You can choose to step out of this mess. Or stay if you will and get a taste of your own medicine, because your lover is doing the exact same thing as you. She has the security of marriage (like you), a home to come back to and you on the side. Now you're both in the same boat! No point cribbing, you've dug your own pit.
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A
female
reader, KlassyKirsty +, writes (15 November 2011):
 It sounds to me like you are in a serious love triangle here, you are up for commitment whereas she is a commitment phobe. She is just having her cake and eating it, savouring the best of both worlds whereas this leaves you wound up hurt.Marriage is a more serious relationship than a no strings casual relationship which consists of only intimacy. You will eventually reach breaking point because with her being emotionally attached to another guy is going to test your limits further down the line.My solution is: do yourself a favour and for your sake and her husband's is to to cut your losses because you are setting u expectations high and are going to come crashing down to earth with a horrible bump if u discover sooner or later that she is going to choose her husband over u potentially which is what you do not want. If you did not mind just physicalness, then it is your own free will on whether to continue with her, PROVIDED that YOU are also ok with it, not just her which is selfish of her.Be open and adventurous into meeting a wider diversity of different people :)
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (15 November 2011):
This is very simple - you are married, and she is married. The solution here is to end the physical relationship between the two of you. If you continue on with her, you will ruin both of your marriages when the affair is discovered.
Also, are you still having sex with your wife? If that's the case, you're being hypocritical - it's OK for you to share yourself with two women - your wife and your coworker, but it isn't OK for her to share herself with two men? See the flaw in your thinking here?
Finally, if you no longer love you wife you should end your marriage. It is an injustice to her to have affairs behind her back. She deserves to be with someone that appreciates and respects her.
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