A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I love my wife, and have never cheated on her, and have no fantasies about doing so in the future. However, what if your wife just flat out refuses to do something that you are curious about?What if you want to experience a threesome at least once in your life?Or, in my case, I really want to try anal - at least once. Is it fair that something g like 50% of adults do get to try it, but my wife gets to decide for me that, "sorry, you will never get to try it - ever!"I would not want to get divorced over this, just so I can try it out on another partner. But, do you think it wrong to do it, just once, with a prostitute - just to have the experience? She would never find out. I could satisfy my curiosity, and let go of all this resentment. After all, you only live once. It seems wrong for a spouse to just unilaterally shut down aspects of your life, that would have no effect upon her.If she won't make the effort to just TRY it ONCE, why shouldn't I be able to have this curiosity satisfied (if I only do it the one time, with no strings attched)?
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female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (14 September 2010):
I'm in the same boat as you except I'm the refusing female having this same re-occuring issue in my marriage. I'm personally thinking how pathetic you are, making such a big issue over what you don't get in the bedroom! I wondered onto this website trying to find other women who have forgiven their husbands/partners for violations against both the body as well as the union it's self and I find your post more or less asking for permission to cheat with a pro! I can't think of a better word than pathetic to discribe you in this situation.
I actually told my husband that I'd be more than happy to begin divorce proceedings so he could be free to explore relationshis with the type of partner he needs to be sexually fullfilled and satisfied. To me it would be good ridance not to constantly have to defend my feelings and body from unwanted sexual conversation and especially unwanted touches and pokes! I would rather be single and celibate than be with someone who regards me with so little love and respect. Obviouisly after nearly 20 yrs together, severing marital ties over the unwillingness for a sole sexual act does seem a bit extreme doesn't it? My point exactly, if he was willing to go thru with a divorce over butt seks, then our problems were far bigger than just sex ( or lack of butt!). The funnny thing is, after years of rufusing him gently and without judgement didn't get me any respect. He just continued to pressure and poke as if I aggreed! But, once I uttered that ugly word D-I-V-O-R-C-E, all of a sudden it wasn't so important to him anymore!! Go figure!
Out of both love and respect for him I was willing to set him free since I'm unwilling to endulge him in his anal persuits. I don't want to be responsible for him lacking any experiences he wishes to have with whomever he wishes. I don't love him ( or anyone else ) enough to compromise my standards and principles, but I do love him enough that I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me.
It's been over a year and he's yet to bring it up or touch/poke me inappropriately but I'm having trouble with the forgiving part. Deep down I resent his past actions and lack of respect. Having to get so viscious with the man that's supposed to love me has left scars that I didn't expect. Even though I do love him so much, a part of me has lost all respect for him. I just don't get it, if he can accept it and let it go now, why couldn't he be just as accepting before such hostilities erupted?
I hope you can find some sort of balance between the love you say you have for your wife and the fantasies you have that will go unfullfilled should you be faithful to your spouse and your vows. No one person can ever satisfy every need and desire at 1oo%. I hope for you and your wife, what you have together will be enough to outweigh what's lacking.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): We only go around once and if you really, really believe you should have the opportunity to try something your wife will NOT do, then I say go for it. Just remember to play safe, don't be stupid enough to bring something home to your wife. I'd also caution that you be careful. I've known many guys who say their visits to high-price call girls were one time things to break up the monotony of marriage......and five years later they're still doing it on a regular basis.
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female
reader, annabellmarie +, writes (5 September 2010):
you are extremely selfish. your wife could have extreme problems after doing what you ask. I know people who have problems holding back their feces after that. they have problems and have accidents in cars and on trains, etc. it is not a natural thing to do. why don't you crawl back into the hole you came out of.
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female
reader, BOOM!  +, writes (4 September 2010):
Look, i know its hard to be told you cant do something and it causes resentment but your wrong, if you have sex with this prostitute or whatever you are cheating! dress it up however you like, your betraying your wife and it will eat you up inside if you truly love her. Why not just be happy with what you have - your lucky to have a loving caring family and you are considering throwing it all away for a cheap thrill. I think you need a serious reality check.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 I don't buy this either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): Glad you have thought twice about it, even if my post was not one that contributed to that.
Sorry if you found us judgmental, but we were just trying to prevent you from making a big mistake.
I tried it once for my boyfriend... Who thought it would be the best thing he had ever tried and had longed to try it for many years. He didn't enjoy it one bit and really wished afterwards that he had kept it in his head, as it was much better there. This combined with the guilt of cheating doesn't sound good... To me anyway.
Here's an idea for you that I hope will help a little. Next time you and your wife are having sex, ask her to get on her knees and hands and do it doggy style... Ask her to clench her vagina to make it tight and put your imagination to the test.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): Hey i guess I would ask this: Would you be able to continue your marriage without feeling guilt. I mean it is something you will have to go to the grave with. A secret forever.
Also I recommend NOT using an escort - because it will seem really seedy and dirty. If you are going to do it, try and find someone other than an escort to have the encounter with.
But I do agree with the other posters in that anal isn't THAT great. Yet, I do feel where you are coming from.
If you haven't applied any pressure from your wife, you could work on a different method. Improve your communication with her, get her to be completely emotionally in love with you and when you are so close you can discuss your sexual fantasies - without telling her directly you want to do it - and - my belief anyway, is that most women, who are totally in love with a MAN generally will want to please them sexually. And for the sake of one experience, she will happily go along with it for you. If you get that opportunity, remember, take it easy. have plenty of lube and start off with a finger. Anal porn is not a good guide to how to have sex anally. Good luck with whatever happens!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2010):
 Judgemental ? Yes, I guess some of us have sounded a bit judgemental. Never a good thing,you are right- we stand corrected.
In theory,we are all here to help ,not to blame. Let me admit though that at least for me it is difficult to feel just helpful and unblaming in front of a "leading " question like yours.
I mean, - I am sure you already knew the answer to a question like yours, it's just that you don't like it !
Is it wrong to have sex with a prostitute when you are married ?...
Yes. It is wrong. Always. End of the story.
Because when you got married you have committed to being faithful, period. No ifs and buts ( or,in your case,butts ).
No,it's not ok to cheat : not even if she does not give you the kind of sex you crave. Not even if she turns into a 300 pounds behemoth. Not even if SHE has cheated on you first !
If you want to have sex with another woman, first you are supposed to get honourably ( and legally ) rid of the current wife. This is the only possible choice from a moral point of view.
It does not work like this in real life ? People cheat on their spouses for even sillier reasons or for no reason at all ?...
Maybe. - But you did not ask if cheating on a wife is common, or if it happens very often. You asked if it is wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus: nice post. Yours has really made me think twice about this.
All the judgmental rest...not so much
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): If you don't want to do these things your wife asks you to do then don't. Stop it now. Unless you want to do them for the sake of doing them then just stop because it is clearly building up resentment. I see where you are coming from. BUT...if she will not oblige then you don't need to either. It works both ways.
Have you actually spoken to your wife about this? That might be a good place to start.
Nb. As a woman, anal sex can be, and usually is, painful and uncomfortable. It has never been a pleasant experience for me. I used to do it with my ex because I knew he enjoyed it. Now I am older I realise that it wasn't a sensible motivation. I always found it unpleasant and certainly didn't look forward to it at all. My fiance isn't really bothered about doing it anyway, but more importantly he knows that it is unpleasant for me and that is the main reason he doesn't want to do anal. I really respect that; I would do it for him if he wanted, but I am glad I don't have to feel that pressure. Sex isn't about you do x and I'll do y. It's about feeling comfortable and enjoying yourself. It's mean to be fun. If you have to do something you don't like, however, it's not fun and it's likely to put someone off sex, in my opinion.
Just a quick thought; if you want to know what it might feel like for your wife, try experimenting on yourself with a dildo. I'm not joking; it will give you an insight into why she probably doesn't want to do it. Nb. What would you say if she wanted to use a dildo on you? Would you do that for her?
I think there is some resentment in your marriage, and you need to sort this out. Having sex with a prostitute isn't the way, however. Firstly, you have to stop doing what she wants if you are not getting what you want in return; you need to stop portraying yourself as a victim and a martyr here, because you're not. I don't know if this reciprocity thing is just a way of justifying anal sex with a prostitute. Sit your wife down and talk to her about the things you are unhappy about. That is the way forward.
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (3 September 2010):
Have you tried bribing her?
Maybe "I'll buy you a Hyundai if you do anal?" It might be cheaper than a divorce. Feel free to change the Hyundai to Cartier or buying a Yak for a small village if charity is her thing. If your patience and charm won't win her out, perhaps cash will do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Good point Vintage I'll have to remember that when I get married. "I'll only be faithful if you never refuse me a sexual request" That sounds like a great basis for a healthy marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): When you sorted out the rules of being faithful, was one of the we won't cheat UNLESS one of us won't try something then all bets are off?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Look OP you've seen the many arguments against it, no one is going to back you up on this.
At the end of the day it's your decision you have to do what you feel is right by and your wife, part of me suspects you want to do even more because she doesn't want to. The forbidden fruit.
But you've completely missed the point, everyone here has told you it's CRAP, it's a crap experience. Anal is NOT fun. That's the main reason us guys think you're an idiot for this. Yes if it's important to you your wife should consider trying and perhaps she has but has decided she is still against it.
Those of us male and female that have tried it have told you this, it only looks good in porn, in reality it's a very uncomfortable experience. At the end of the day, it's just a different hole and it's one that's not designed to take things in it, so it's awkward, takes a lot of preparation (Bowels have to be clean and cleared on a day when her stools are solid, lots of lube has to be used), is painful for the woman, if you have a foreskin it can be painful for you too, it can be hard to enter as most women get a bit nervous, it's very difficult too to get past the natural urge to clench.
You obviously haven't thought this through, because it's not a very sexy experience.
You say you don't mind doing things for your wife that you're uncomfortable with. Well she's not uncomfortable with this, she's thoroughly opposed to it, there's difference.
You have two choices, ruin your marriage over something we all know you'll be disappointed with because it's crap or suck it up and find something else that you haven't tried which she is willing to do.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You sound like you want to cheat no matter how much you say you don't. Did you ever think that maybe your wife doesn't want to try anal because she's heard from other women that it hurts? Cause guess what? It does. I tried it once for a guy, and yes we used a lot of lube, and it hurt. It hurt to sit down for a while too. Do you want your wife to do something for you that will hurt her? And you cannot compare this to the vasectomy because that is an operation, not a sexual position. Cheaters always get caught just so you know, it will happen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): It seems like you came on this site to get back up cheating on your wife. And YES.... You do want to cheat or you wouldn't WANT to have sex with another women... Even if it was just once to satify a curiosity! You WANT to have sex with another women because you wife would not do something that a lot of women may not want to do.... There fore you WANT to cheat. Saying you don't want to cheat is just a joke.
You're not going to get the support you want here!
Everyone here is trying to help you work through this, coming up with solutions and trying to show you how cruel it is that you would do this to your wife. And in return they are getting a hostile reply.
There is no defence about that fact you could bring home an STI. None what so ever.
I don't think you're going to listen to us here though. You seem pretty intent on thinking this is the right thing to do for you regardless of the fact it is making your marriage dishonest. And the possible future impact this could have on you and your wife.
At least consider this then... If this is something that your heart is set on and you really want to try it with a prostitute.... Why not ask your wife if she would mind? See how she feels? Tell her how you really feel.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (1 September 2010):
 I think you need to stop thinking with your "lower" head and get over your teenage sex fantasies.
You REALLY don't have to live out all your fantasies. Most of them are WAY better if they stay in your head any how.
I can not understand why you are willing to become a cheater just to stick your dick in someones ass. TO put it crudely. And yes, jsut because a whore charges men for sex doesn't make it less then cheating.
Wow.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 "Yes because once you go there it limits where you go before you get cleaned up."
Yeh, that too... personally I find the "ow, ow, OW, slow down, ow, ow, ow, STOP!" to be more off putting.
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (1 September 2010):
Oh dude... anal is way over-hyped and if you wreck your relationship for it, you will feel like an absolute idiot.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 Let's see humm, Would you love it if you overheard your wife telling her best friend about her "experiences" with the postman(just once to see what it was like)? You mmight think about it another way. You come back from your exploits to find you have a dose of the clap. How do you explain it or worse yet, AIDS. "O Gee ,honey, I just anted to know how it felt!" Let your brain take charge and keep stumpy in your britches.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, there are a myriad of things that my wife wants me to do, that I don't want to do. Guess what, I try anyway - because it's important to her. None of these happen to be doing sexual acts with her. But many of them are nonetheless painful (vasectomy for example) humiliating (dancing anyone, how about hosting guys over at the house that she F'd before we got together - yes, this has happened with several guys), other things are just plain annoying. All of these are things, "I am not comfortable with.". But guess what, I sucked it up and did it anyway. At least I was willing to try.If she won't even try, than why shouldn't I doit - just one time. And as for the argument that "you should have done this/discussed it before you got married". That's B.S. Just because something was not in the forefront of my mind when I was a head over heels 20 year old, doesn't mean I have absolutely no right to develop an interest or curiosity later in life. Mustbi remain in all things exactly as I was at 20?You know, i do not want to cheat. My choice is to experience this with my wife. My wifes statement is to say NO, not only will i never do this, neither will you - not even even once. And it is not the same as her wanting to go couger. That is not an applicable analogy. The equivalent is my saying I want to screw an 18 year old cause she has firm boobs and a nice.... That is NOT what i am saying at all
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Try putting yourself in her position.
How would you feel if she had a massive curiosity about putting on a strap on and putting it up your bum? Or something like that
Would you let her..? Even if it was something you really didn't want to do? How would you feel if she cheated on you to try it out because you wouldn'y do it?
There are some very good answers down there. Pay attention before you make a big mistake!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): People generally accept (and expect) that people will grow and change during their lives. You're not a finished product by any means at 20. If you marry at 20, and fifteen or more year down the road find you've grown in a completely different direction from your spouse you do something about it. You find a way to accommodate the difference. Or you divorce.
As a guy who's been married for nearly thirty years, I have sympathy with the OP's issue. We had no way of knowing at 20 that a lifetime of the same sexual routine wasn't going to be satisfying. As long as he takes all the necessary precautions to ensure that he doesn't bring anything home, this lonely voice says go for it.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (1 September 2010):
I'd be curious to know what happens in case your wife has secret fantasies too and she too has got something to get out of her system.
Let's say ( supposing she is about your age ) the ever so popular cougar fantasy. Suppose she has idly thought how would it be to have hot, steaming sex with a yummy,six-packed very young stud. Suppose she does not want to mess up with the neighbour's 18 y.o.kid, or the pizza delivery boy, and she decides to hire a gigolo for the deed. Without doing which, she might feel "deprived".
What would you suggest her ? To go ahead and just do it because what the heck we only live once...? Or would you remind her that by getting married she voluntarily gave up
the chance of fulfilling each and any of her wishes who would only benefit ( perhaps ) her as a single individual,
in favour of fulfilling those that would benefit you two together and make you stronger as a couple ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Yeah, you should have gotten this out of your system before you got married. If it is so important to you, you would have done it before committing to your wife.That said, you could try easing into some experimenting to satisfy your urges. I was married to a woman who would not do anal. We tried and she hated it...and I barely got the head in. We never did it again. I was so turned on by the thought of it, I eventually persuaded her to let me touch her anus durin sex and even tongue her there. Well, that satisfied my urge enough that I could live without it. Likewise, she hated swallowing, but compromised by licking and sucking my shaft while I came, so I didnt cum in her mouth. See..the key here is compromise. Not infidelity. You cant always get what you want...but if you try sometimes...you get what you need.
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female
reader, lencybaby18 +, writes (1 September 2010):
wow.. Your being extremly selfish , anal sex is not something everyone will try. I have never had anal , and ive thought about it but personally i think you should talk to her about it sweetly and romanticly you could say " honey , i love you & i love having sex with you i think we should try this out just once? For me . ill do whatever you want " something sweet she might not try it right away but shell think about it & if your resentful towards your wife then yu shouldnt have got married & made such a strrong commitment , shes your WIFE! NOT GIRLFRIEND. hope you dont mess up your marrige by thinking with that head ,then then with the one on your shoulders. Goodluck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): *I also have sexual fantasies I'd love to try but my girlfriend is flat out against them, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. There things in life I won't do and there are things in life she won't do, that's a given.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): You know it's wrong and you know it's not wrong for her to refuse it.
You obviously know this or you wouldn't have come here looking for someone else to justify it to you.
If this is something you wanted to do you should have discussed it early in the relationship. No doubt as she is your wife, you either knew a long time ago she wouldn't be interested in this or you've only recently wanted to do it.
Either way it's simple, either break your wife's heart over a stupid bit of curiosity or let it go. Whether she finds out or not is irrelevant you'll still be knowingly hurting her all because you want to shove your penis in a different hole, just once to see what it's like. You're crazy then.
You wanna know something about anal? I've done it a few times with different girls and it's crap, you have to be so careful and slow that it's almost impossible to get the proper motion for it to be pleasurable, you have to stop every once and a while because it's too painful and the only thing of value in anal is the novelty factor. You can put it in your list of things done. Now if you want to destroy your marriage over a minor novelty then you go ahead. But you know exactly the kind of person that makes you, although I from the sounds of things you're already like that.
Look my friend there are a lot of things in this life we'd all love to experience and never will for lots of different reasons it's part of life. Anal is something you WANT to try, it's not an essential part of your life and it's not going to kill you to never have done it.
I also have sexual fantasies I'd love to try but my g
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I think you should do it. Society forces marriage and monogamy, and it's difficult for guys to maintain. Just don't get caught, and use a rubber.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I understand your need for curiosity, but I completely understand why it's completely off the cards for your wife. It's a very taboo subject, one which she probably doesn't understand much about, the initial thought of it can turn some people's stomach. I do agree, that she shouldn't dismiss it entirely, in a marriage especially trying new things can be a crucial. But understand why she's not as curious as you, you are giving, she's receiving, it's a completely different situation with you that it is with your wife. She might be afraid it will hurt. If you actually talk to her about it. Whatever you do, don't force it on her, get to know your facts on it, and how to do it properly or it could be very painful for her and then she'll never consider the idea again. You need to learn how to do it properly and you must consider her needs over yours, that she is comfortable with this. If all goes well, it could be on the cards more often. http://uk.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_400/403_love_tip.htmlThis is a perfect site for what you need to know. Whatever you do, don't sleep with someone else to cure your curiosity, you love your wife, have respect for her and approach the whole thing with a mature attitude. Don't lose your wife over something like this, you'd live with the guilt forever.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): OK, we've had the female perspective, let's see what another man throws into the mix.Oh, and Veronika, the OP does not say he wants a threesome and anal sex. He merely used a threesome as an example and then specified his particular fancy, anal.Someone once said you should regret what you DO and not want you DON'T do. If anal is that big a deal for you, perhaps you should go and get it out of your system? On the understanding that you ask your wife for her permission for you to go and do it.As a fellow man, I can concur that most men would like to do this "just once". Sorry, ladies, it's just something we seem to want to tick off our list. I've never done it, but have to say I wouldn't cheat on a wife or partner to do it. If you love your wife and everything else is fine, I think you need to forget it. If other things are a problem, get out, get single and sow your oats in whatever way you see fit. I don't think a wife NOT prepared to try anal sex once is a dealbreaker. For the record, I'd be happy to let my partner take a strap-on to me if she really wanted to. But if there is additional sexual incompatibility this is just going to become a wider gulf.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): ok OP, you seem like a good guy but come on : surely you can see what you are heading into.
so you say your wife will NEVER find out. imagine if you don"t go down on her, and she finds a man who will, tehn what. you will never find out as well, but the betrayal and damage will be done.
what are her reasons for not trying anal. anything else that she wont do?
how good are you in bed. does she also have unfulfilled desires/fantasies???
basically you want to cheat. the decision is yours if you want to throw away your life and marriage. is a few minutes of poking someone in the rear worth the total cockup of your life?
i need to also advise you that many many women almost hate anal because you men just do not know how to do this right. you guys hurt and shove and just get on with the act. there is a knack to anal and if you cannot get it right. your partner (wife or prostitute) will be dreading it. so how about learning some techniques and some gentle persuasion. anal is a butt killer if not done right. some men tear their partners and that is not a joke. others get it right and both benefit from the sensation.
dont know what the answer to your delimma is right now, but know this: going to a hole where every man has been before is just plain stupid. rather win your wife over with honey than with cheating. get my meaning........
-LoveGirl
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female
reader, romany +, writes (1 September 2010):
 hooker, i'd be devastated, beyond forgiving even.
Have you spoken to her about this?
Is losing all that you have with her worth it?
and most importantly, could you cope with knowing that you'd been physical with someone else, and that all that she thinks of you when she tells you how great you are, isn't true, coz you've cheated.
I've been cheated on and I can tell you that the physical side isn't what upset more, its the emotional side, I know with prostitutes that there isn't an emotional side, but keeping it from me, and not knowing how strongly you feel, would destroy me.
I hope this has come across ok, I kind of sympathise you in a kindof wanna slap you being so selfish way. I just think you should tell her how strongly you feel.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 You made this choice, not your wife. YOU were the one who decided to get married.To her. If anal sex was so important to you you should have discussed it before getting married. I suggest you get some new perspective on life. No you do not need to try out all your urges. And no, she is not being unfair. She has a right to do with her body as she pleases. I think yes, she sounds weird to not want to try it even once, but in no way is it unfair to expect you to live without. If you wanted to experiment then why didn't you do it before getting married. Or why didn't you talk to her about this before getting married. When you got married you agreed to only have her as your partner, to be true to her and faithful. She did not promise that she would help you live out all your sexual fantasies.
I think this all sounds a bit like "well, everyone else gets it!!", like children say. Really. So what if 50% of adults do it. You don't know for a fact that they do even... but still. So what. It is not a birth given right to have anal.
So there's one or two things she wont do, but she hasn't stopped having sex with you. She is satisfying you as far as she is comfortable with. That is what you married. If you wanted something else you shouldn't have married her. What about you instead suggest things that she will be comfortable with. Like instead of you putting it in her butt, she gets to put something up your butt, that is also called anal sex. Just try and angle the suggestions and desires you have into something that is also interesting and ok for your wife. Or that you bribe her into it by promising to do dishes for an entire year. If she does this favour for you you need to be ready to offer something in return.
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (1 September 2010):
...and what if you like it? What then?
(Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we ponder to deceive...)
Seriously - is having anal sex worth all the angst and the resentment that you seem to harbor towards your wife because she isn't anal curious? If I were her, I would tell her to get the largest strap-on that she can find and then say "Only if you go first Darling!".
BTW, if you weren't obviously the kind of guy who would ask about going behind her back to a hooker for anal sex, and she probably knows how selfish you are about your sexual proclivities, It might have been possible to actually finesse it out of her and seduce her, but that might take a bit of extending yourself as far as HER feelings go, Romeo.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Sorry but you are obsessing about what YOU want - you say you have asked her about it and she has replied to the negative - well so be it - she is obviously uncomfortable with the idea.
By wanting to go to a prostitute you will be risking your marriage - you say she will never know... sorry but a woman's intution is good and she will know something is wrong.
So after going to a prostitute, how are you going to feel about having sex with your wife again? I think you will find that she is not as exciting as sneaking around with another woman, and so, you will again seek out another woman.... see my drift - you are setting yourself up to ruin your marriage, just because you cannot have anal.
What if your wife asked you to do something that really was unthinkable in your mind? And then because she couldnt get you do to that particular act, she went off to find someone who would do it with her.... yes you would be devastated and I have no doubt would show her the door.
My advice... dont do it!!
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A
female
reader, veronika +, writes (1 September 2010):
 First of all, you *massively* contradict yourself.
You start out by saying you have no fantasies about cheating on her in the future... but then you go on to detail your fantasy of having threesome sex and anal sex with a prostitute.
Having sex with a prostitute while married = cheating.
I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, but I think before you make any decisions it's a good idea to sit down and think about what you're actually contemplating.
How would you feel if your wife had a fantasy you didn't want to fulfill, so she goes behind your back with another man? Would that make you feel loved? Would you want to stay with her?
Secondly, having anal sex can definitely have an effect upon her. Anatomically speaking, women are not meant to have anything shoved up their anus. Men, it's a bit different - they have a prostate gland, so it's able to be pleasurable for a lot of men. But with women - it's not painless, especially the first time a woman does it.
I've had anal sex and I'm not against it. But you can't expect your wife to just do it for you. It isn't like vaginal sex. It feels very different and it can be messy, if you get what I mean.
Part of being married or being in a long term relationship with someone is about compromise.
Do you absolutely need to have anal sex or a threesome? If you cannot live without living out all of your fantasies, perhaps it's time to stop living in your head so much. Sharing a life with someone isn't about forcing them to partake in your sexual fantasies.
Plus, you cannot guarantee that you're going to sleep with a prostitute risk free. And I'm not talking about your wife finding out, I'm talking about catching a disease.
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A
female
reader, Avalon +, writes (1 September 2010):
YES. It is VERY WRONG to satisfy your curiosity with a prostitute! You're the one being selfish. Is your wife entertaining the idea of cheating on you with a male prostitute to satisfy curiosities she might have?
Ask yourself, is anal sex seriously that important to you? Honestly. Is it worth risking your marriage? Is it worth losing your dignity and respect? Is it worth the risk of contracting an STD from a hooker and passing it on to your wife?
You sound like a petulant child with all your 'it's not fair!' talk. If you were not married, then you would be free to do as you please....but you made marriage vows (including to "honour and obey"). I hope, if you go through with this, that your wife finds out and tells everybody you know, including your parents.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (1 September 2010):
Are you really telling us that you resent your wife for not letting you drop the shopping off at the back door?
I'd understand you being disappointed, but resentful?
Personally I think prostitutes offer a service, which for a single bloke, is cool, and i know if i was unable to have any kind of sexual acts with my partner I would tell him to visit one, but if i thought for one moment that I could not forfil a desire of his, so he'd taken himself off to a h
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