A
female
age
30-35,
*ara'93
writes:i'm in bit of a pickle! I recently finished with my bf about a month ago. He says that he still loves me and askes for another chance but i don't love him back. But here's the thing, two weeks ago one of his best mates said that he fancies me and if i'll go out with him and if i'd say yes we coulden't tell any body especialy my ex! He is a nice and funny guy and to be honest, i like him too! But wont it be wrong? Going out with your ex's best mate? Should i wait for a bit? Two days ago he turned up at my door asking if he could come in, when we were in my room we shared some kisses (nothing more) and he whispered in to my ear that he loved me! I'm very comfused. Any thoughts? X
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female
reader, sara'93 +, writes (30 December 2010):
sara'93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, i don't think i'll go out with him after all then! Thanks for every body who shared there opinions. They did help! sara :) xxx
A
male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Bad idea. There really are a billion men on this Earth, you can't be attracted only to your ex's BF. Do youself a favor, a find love else where.
How would you feel if your ex fancied your BF?
Good Luck!
Jeff
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A
female
reader, ellaaa +, writes (29 December 2010):
it is wrong especially if your ex still likes you, you may come in between their friendship and break them up. you should wait a while until at least your ex has moved on so things will have settled and died down, hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): noooooooooo. you do not date or even talk to your friends ex like that at all! thats like the code of friendship..i don know your a guy so it might be different but for girls thats a big OFF LIMITS. i mean if you want your friends sloppy seconds?
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (29 December 2010):
 I think it depends on the guy (the friends) and the code they share as friends on the subject of dating each other's exes, especially when the friend who dated the woman first still has feelings for her. Obviously your ex wouldn't be okay with you and his best friend dating each other since the friend said you two couldn't tell your ex (his best friend) that you are dating or have any sort of romantic relationship.
Do you really want to have a secret relationship with him? Where you two can't be open about your relationship with each other? I personally don't think it's okay to date your ex's best friend, because when you two break up (if you do) then all they do is compare side notes of both the relationships.
I don't think it speaks very much for his character to want to have a secret relationship with his best friend's ex girlfriend whom his best friend still has feelings for. But maybe he genuinely likes you. Who knows for sure?
I think that you both should wait a while for some time to pass and your ex bf can get over his feelings for you and move on and then the best friend needs to approach your ex about potentially dating you and how your ex would feel about his best friend dating his ex girlfriend.
Good luck to you both and I hope everything works out for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): Do you really want to go out with someone who treats his best friend like this? It really doesn't put him in a good light for a friend let alone a boyfriend. When he comes round again, say no thank you, you have more respect for your ex boyfriend than to treat him this way.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (29 December 2010):
 In addition to Cerberus's excellent post, how would you feel if a guy who broke up with you but you still liked started dating one of your best friends? Would you feel betrayed? Would you feel hurt? Would you still be friends with that girl? It's the same for guys.
To be honest, this guy sounds like a creep. Not only is he betraying his friend, he's pronouncing love right away. Sign #1 of a player. Then he's saying that you have to keep the relationship a secret. Warning sign #2. If he relly loved you, why does it have to be secret? To not hurt his friend? I call bullshit on that one. If he didn't want to hurt his friend, he wouldn't be knocking on your door. You're fresh out of a relationship and vulnerable and he's a player trying to take advantage. He's already kissed you. LOL This dude just screams PLAYER!
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A
female
reader, myfairdiva  +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Dear Sara,
Male friends share a special code of rules, and one of them is not going out with your mate's ex. At least, most of the boys I've met agree on this.
If you really fancy this other guy, maybe you should wait for a while, out of respect for your ex. If yall of you have mutual friends, your ex will find out sooner rather than later. And then you would not look good to any of them.
In all honesty, I'd advice you against this, at least for now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): OP if there was nothing wrong with it then why do you need to keep it a secret?
Seriously, all I can say to you is this guy knows it's wrong, he's actually screwing over his best friend and when he finds out about the two of you, which he will. He will lose his best friend and he will hate you both with a passion.
This is going to get very messy, the only right thing to do if you want to keep seeing this new guy is to let his friend know.
Consider this though OP, can you really trust a guy who does this kind of thing to his best friend? He might seem nice and all that but is that a nice thing to do? No it's not, is it? It's actually one of the biggest betrayals a person can experience. I wouldn't trust this new guy for a second, he obviously doesn't care about his friend and probably doesn't even care about you all that much either. Just says he does so he can get you.
If he can do something so horrible to such a good friend then he can do the same to you. Be careful here OP, no matter how nice this guy seems he obviously doesn't care about hurting people to get what he wants.
By all accounts John Wayne Gacy was a very nice man too, but we all know that he did to people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2010): I would wait a little for the dust to settle. Yes I think you can see this boy but you need to be honest with your ex boyfriend. Make it clear that it is over and that you will be going out with other people. Then in a few months see this other boy. Your ex will be hurt but that's life. But being honest and straight forward is always the best policy. Maybe this new boyfriend, at some stage, could tell your ex that he wants to go out with you. Then he will be prepared and the poor boy can give you both a wide berth. But you are young and as long as you are fair that's the most you can do.
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