A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid, is it wrong for a virgin guy to want to marry a virgin woman with great personality,respect,trust and love? It seems when i mention this to women they think am crazy or i have insecurities. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, aresu  +, writes (7 September 2011):
 if you have kept yourself virgin, then is a perfectly understandable standard to have, im also a virgin by choice and would only keep a relationship with a virgin woman, so you know you are not alone in this.
i agree with male anonymous who says that people judge when your dating preferences are different from the usual. i always see that when people knows someone is look for a virgin partner, they judge, and dont care if they are virgins themselves, i can tell you that, if you were complaining about almost any other thing in your standards, they would ve much more understanding.
i also agree with the other male anonymous who says that is not an accident, and that is a sacrifice, is a CHOICE, it not just happens, and people dont want to asume responsability for their actions, but they seem to forget that actions have consequences, if they choice to have sex makes them lose someone years later, it was part of the consequences, and just deal with it, they knew what they were doing at the time, and enjoyed it, so grow up, and realize that some poeple would make that a dealbreaker if they so choose, is their right, everyone has the right to choose what is a dealbreaker for them.
and for people who says that you cant help who you fall in love with them, well, i say that you DO can help it. what, are you going to fall in love in say?? 2 months, 3 months??
NO, of course you wouldnt, infutuated maybe, but not love, and by that time you should be able to make yourself clear on something that is very important to you, so you can end it much much sooner before falling in love.
and yea, maybe you are limiting your potential partners, but you anly need one perfect partner for you, and even if is hard to find her, well, the things that matter most in life are rare anyway, you will have to search harder, and will have to turn donw a lot of girls, because to know if their are virgins, you have to date them for a while, and you may be rejecting very nice girls, and maybe if the circumstances were different, she could have been a good match. but when you find your special girl, everything would have been woth it, because everything you did was for you, and for your beliefs, and you held them strong, and it will be one of the biggest acomplishments ever.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 It's not wrong to have preferences, it's wrong to demand that other people should share them, approve them or understand them.
In your personal life vision it makes perfect sense to be a virgin and only want to share yourself with a virgin, and if this is what 's important to you in life, go for it and do not deflect from your path. YOUR path. Other people may feel that your moral vision is unrealistic, limited, or backward , and they are entitled to feel so.
So, keep looking for a woman with the qualities you want, but don't be surprised if other people have diffferent moral priorities than virginity !
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 August 2011):
 op- it is fine to have a personal preference, you know what you want. by stipulating that you only want to marry a virgin though, you are only putting limitations on yourself, and may miss out on a really great woman because she isn't a virgin. the number of women you can choose from will obviously be reduced too, especially the older you get, but that is your choice too
x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): I think some of the non-virgins on this thread need to take a little responsibility for their choices. Virginity does not just happen to some people and not others. It's not an accident, it's the result of many years of SACRIFICES! Any woman could still be a virgin if she had made the same sacrifices the OP has. (The rape issue is beside the point. The OP has never said anything about turning down a woman who was once raped so don't assume that he would.) As for the 10" penis example, men are not all given 10" penises at birth which shrink down after they start having sex. Virginity is not about a hymen. It is about wanting to spend your life with someone who agrees with your values and has been willing to make the same sacrifices for it. That connection lasts a hell of a lot longer than a hymen.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for the replies.but like i said why is ok for women to have preference and not men? I have a preference for a woman who has not shared her most intimate self with anybody else willingly.i understand rape and i would marry some one who was raped because it wasnt her fault.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 August 2011):
 "Kinda like how most women "prefer" to date tall men, why cant i also do the same? Many here have said that you cant help who you fall in love with, its what most of you are saying is that virgins are unlovable."
1. not most women. I am 5'2" my bf is 5'7" and that's freaking perfect. my 6'4" husband was too tall to be honest..
as for folks saying virgins are unlovable I am not sure where you got that from...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): He could stick to dating virgins and avoid the whole problem, that's what he could do.
Don't tell me that forcing the OP to marry outside his moral boundaries is more reasonable than allowing him to ask people a simple question on the first date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not an idealised view, its a moral view am imperfect just like the next person, but as imperfect we are God has created with reason and decision. I dnt want to make the wrong decisions and live with the consequences. Suprisingly all the girlfriends iv had where virgins. So they are out there.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (27 August 2011):
 there is nothing wrong with it, and the bonus is that both of you will have the benefit of not having a past to haunt you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 August 2011):
 This may be a startling revelation for you... but, for millenia, people who were virgins married one-another.... Humanity did NOT suffer for that.... and you and this lovely lady are at no risk if you (two) pursue matrimony...Good luck. P.S. Do you want my mailing address? .... to send me an invitation? .... I love weddings.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): A person should be able to ask someone if they are a virgin before you fall in love. I can't see a problem in that Saying that people aren't allowed to have a strong opinion about it. That's wrong. People have to accept that sexual history is a big priority to some people. People have a right to ask whatever they want as soon as they want, even though some people may choose not to answer them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKinda like how most women "prefer" to date tall men, why cant i also do the same? Many here have said that you cant help who you fall in love with, its what most of you are saying is that virgins are unlovable.
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A
male
reader, doublejack +, writes (26 August 2011):
I wouldn't call the idea wrong. If you are insistent on finding a virgin woman to marry and that's the only way which you believe will make you happy, then that is just how you feel. That makes it neither right nor wrong, it just is.However, I will say that it is a very rigid, discriminatory view to hold. It greatly limits the pool of potential women who you can pursue a relationship with, as most will have had sex. That's reality. It is also the reason why women react the way they do when you tell them how you feel. It is perfectly normal and healthy for people to enjoy sex, so few people wait until marriage to have sex. Experimenting with sex and sexual awaking are normal events as we grow into adulthood.My suggestion is to re-evaluate your point of view on this. What are the underlying reasons you feel you MUST find a virgin? Is it REALLY that important? You're holding an idealized view of love and life while living in an imperfect world. Eventually, something may have to give.Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2011): I don't want to date someone who is 30 years older than me. Is it because I'm too insecure to handle it? Is it because I judge people for their age? I don't want to date someone from a totally different religion than me. Am I too insecure to handle that? Do I judge people for their religion? I don't want to date someone 200 lbs overweight and unattractive to me. Is that my insecurity too? Do I judge people for their appearance? It's funny how people only get accused of judging and called insecure when their dating preferences happen to be unpopular.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (26 August 2011):
 There is nothing wrong or right about this. But you will then look at only specific girls and may miss out on a real love. Also, girls in their 20's would have probably lost their virginity so you would have to look at younger girls that may not want to settle down. Yet again this narrows your choices. You will miss out on great potential girls. However, if you place a great value on virginity and find it hard to accept that someone previous has dated a girl then you will have to look around for virgin girls. But, you will miss out. You could ask yourself what is it that upsets?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 August 2011):
it's not right or wrong... it's just how you feel. feelings are never wrong they just are.. but like Marieclaire said it's WRONG to judge others for their feelings...
however at your age, is it feasible to think you will have success finding such a woman?
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