A
female
age
30-35,
*levorxtenor
writes:Okay guys. I'm absolutely, ardently in love with this guy, let's call him Brian. I would do anything for him. He and I are really good friends and incredibly close. We do like eachother, the feeling is mutual, but he has a fiance. I love this man with all of my heart, and I don't even think I loved my ex fiance like I love him. He's the only man I would legimitately be happy for if he was happy, even if he was not with me. It just slightly breaks my heart that he and I have to hide that we talk so his girl doesnt freak out. We went to Denny's at 3am just so we could hang out. Basically my question is, do I hold on to the hopes and dreams we will get together one day or just give up because he's engaged? I'm 18, he's 19, and frankly what percentage of relationships at this age truly make it? I will wait forever if I have to, but I'd like you guys' opinion on if it's even worth it or not....
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female
reader, GeeGee255 +, writes (10 March 2011):
 I knew a woman once named Martha, who was very much in love with man just like you. But he got another girl prenant (when he went off to war) so he did the right thing and married her. 40 years later his wife died and he came back looking for Martha, she had never married after he had left her and broke her heart. So they got back together, fell in love again and got married. They had a good 7 years together before he passed away. She passed away too a few years later.
So it can happen I guess, the question is ae you willing to wait 40 years for it?
A
female
reader, clevorxtenor +, writes (9 March 2011):
clevorxtenor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well, guys, he pretty much wont talk to me anymore. Guess I got what I deserved.
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A
female
reader, JoJo20  +, writes (18 February 2011):
Dear!
Never Ever let anyone make you a second choice!
I know A girl who waited for a guy to break up with his girlfriend, and when he did she still a second choice for him, she asked if he is intersted in a reltionshep, he told her to wait more, she waited, and she waited and after months of waiting she read on his facebook profile that he became in reltionshep with another girl!
Treat yourself as you wish people want to treat you, if you make yourself a second choice, then people would treat you the same.
dont wait, have a life, enjoy the other fishes in the sea, if you wait for him it is only make it wors, get away see if he cares about you in another way, if he does he would break up with her anyway, in the same time you should train yourself the abilty to live without him, train yourself to the worst possibilities, so if it happend you wont be have a big damage.
IF your ment to be, then your ment to be!
If your not, then God have a better plans, a better boy.....no a better man for you.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (18 February 2011):
 From what you just described of the feelings you have for this man, I think his fiance is justified in her "freaking out" if she were to find out that her fiance is meeting up with another woman at three o'clock in the morning.
You sound like you have really strong feelings for this man and since he has a fiance and isn't dumping her for you or worried about your feelings on the subject, I don't think he has as strong of feelings for you as you do for him.
I would move on from him. Fiance to me means taken. It doesn't sound like he is going to leave her for you and perhaps it's just time for you to move on and find someone who isn't attached to another person already.
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A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 The question is, are you prepared to put your life on hold for a man who is spoken for? You could be waiting a hell of a long time, Perhaps years, and for what.... for him to marry the person he obviously loves and is engaged to... by god that would hurt, and probably destroy your friendship because you would end up being bitter and angry with him. You wouldnt be able to blame him however, as he just probably sees you as a friend and nothing more.
Yes he may hide the fact that he meets up with you for drinks,(thats his problem to deal with) but that is because some women can't cope with their partner having female friends and his fiance may be one of those.
I would suggest you enjoy life and find someone who is single and just remain friends with this guy. Accept he is engaged to be married and what will be will be.
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (18 February 2011):
 Think about what you're doing and saying. You say the feelings are mutual? Are they really?You say you have had to hide your conversations from his fiance because otherwise she would 'freak out'. If that means she would be distraught at finding out you two are more than friends and have an emotional connection then I think her fears and concerns are justifiable. While you two have not been physical as far as I can understand, it appears he has been cheating with you at least emotionally. From the way you make it sound, you two are more than just friends. So that's cheating in my books and definitely cheating from his fiance's perspective. That you have 'hide' your time together should tell you that what you're doing is wrong. Consequently, I think your judgement is off and you are not fully aware of your own actions. I think this will become clearer below. So let's deconstruct this a bit...You say the feelings are mutual but there is a big BUT in that he has proposed to another woman and is slated to be married. If his feelings for you were truly mutual then would he not be with you instead of her? You say you would wait forever for him yet he has no qualms over having a fiancee and an emotional affair on the side (which a reader is unaware of his true intentions) and may or may not want to get physical. So it would appear that his feelings for you are not mutual and that he would not wait forever for you. You would wait forever for someone who does not feel the same about you and who frankly is a cheater. Does that sound rational to you? Does that sound healthy? Why you would want such a man is beyond me. Regardless of the reason, he does not appear to be worthy of your affection. Would you like it if you had a fiance who was secretly having late night long conversations with another woman who he fancied? Think about that. Would he not be cheater? You likely wouldn't know about it because he would be lying and deceiving you, telling you he loved you while he also had affection for another woman. That's exactly what this guy is doing and just as bad in my opinion, you are facilitating it especially since you know of his fiancee. Would you think that your fiance really loves you if you knew the truth about his actions? Does he even know what it means to love someone as opposed to merely being sexually attracted to them? Your actions and behaviour tell him it is okay to cheat. Is that what you believe? That it is okay to cheat? Is this what you are about? Is this what you stand for?Be careful of what you wish for because just as he easily cheats on her with you, so too can he do it to you. So my response is clear, he is not worth it. Buy my concern is more with you and how you say you would wait forever for such a man. In my books you are not looking good as you are facilitating a cheater. If he already knows of your feelings, as you say he does, then he has already told you he does not want to be with you by his actions...and good riddens since he is a cheater. If he felt anything close to the way you say you feel (which I frankly even question your feelings in that regard since you end off questioning the chances of success) then he should be with you and his fiance. All he wants you as is something on the side...hardly something to aspire to have. So back to my opening, think about what you're doing. Think about what this guy is doing. Think about the perspective of his fiancee. Think about what you stand for and if being a cheater and/or potential mistress is what you aspire to become. I think you should value yourself more than you are currently. You deserve a relationship and a partner who is just for you. But you need to wise up and become more self-aware, both of your actions and what your actions tell you about yourself. Don't be a cheater and don't condone cheating unless you see someone cheating on you as being okay. You are knowingly aiding in the deception of another woman. If you do see this as okay, then I would go back and question your self-worth and the value you place on yourself. You should no longer see his guy going forward as long as he is engaged and/or with another woman...period. If you do, it shows you are weak of character and that you condone cheating. More than me or someone else telling you, I hope going forward you will start to see things more objectively of your own devices. Take care.
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