A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It's about 5 years already that I'm just attracted to older men.I can not be with young guys for too long.I find them boring,unreliable,hard to deal with...but because of my mum who is so angry at me for loving an older man that she just saw his picture and almost cried cos he is older than her,I decided to be normal and just try to get along with younger guys.recently there was a 28 years old guy who is quite qualified and we decided to get married after 1 month and we are like fiance as our families are involved ...but I can not stop thinking about my other boyfriend which I mentioned.I am telling my mum if you want your daughter to be happy let me go with that older man.but it's so difficult for her to see her sun in law is older than her and her only daughter is doing that.I have decided to run away and be with that other guy I love the most.but I'm afraid of it's consequences too.as I am 23 what if this feeling is just temporary and in the future my feeling about being attracted to older men change.as I'm in a conservative family I cannot just move in with someone without getting married.should I marry that 53 years old or I might regret?I wish I could have a choice of living with him and be free to leave whenever I want.it's not that I'm not sure about loving him it's just the fear of being an isolated couple due to our age gap.and feeling guilty of not being a normal girl!I'm so confused please help me decide.I would appreciate any suggestion from you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): wait, wait, wait!!!!
Hold on one second. Maybe this woman is having cold feet and this guy is the right thing for her life. SHe may regret for the rest of her life is she does not get married to this guy.
Look, who is this 53 year old. He might just be getting off on the fact you are younger than him and he just likes f%%ing you. SOrry, but men think like this.
Is he real?
Is your current fiance real?
Are you real?
What is going on here. You have to figure out what you want in life. This man, who is your age, might be your best companion.
YOu want a companion in life. NOt some older prick who is into being with a younger woman.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): if you love that older man then go for him! leave the 28 year old fiance because you're only dragging him along. you don't know what's going to happen with being with an older man. i do have experience in this since i'm 22 and my boyfriend that i live with is 35. my dad is 24 years older than my mother and yes there is a generation gap there but they've been married for 26 years! they do have their ups and downs like anyone else but they are happy. my dad still doesn't really like the fact that i'm with a guy that's older than me but he knows i'm happy. YOU have to do what makes YOU happy, not your mom or anyone else. good luck!
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female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (12 February 2010):
 Please listen to rythym&blues. She's giving you good, solid advice. I don't care WHAT this man tells you, he's going to get old, and far before you do. He can run, jump, exercise, do whatever he wants..but if he thinks he won't get old..he's only kidding himself. My SO is a doctor, and he'd be the first one to tell you that age catches up to everyone, honey. I don't care WHAT you do..you may prolong your life, but your body KNOWS how old it is, and if you stay with this man, in years to come, he will NOT be able to keep up with you, unless he is superman. I'm not saying for you not to be with him, I just think you should make sure you truly understand what will more than likely lay ahead in your future if you are with him. You may very well wind up being his nurse. If that's ok with you, hey, go for it. But those younger guys you aren't interested in now, might look pretty good when your guy is 70, and they are 40. THINK,THINK, THINK, and then think again...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): Let's say even if he was right and he lives to be 120
(um don't think so because the research on aging and prolonging life has to be started at a much younger age than 53, I mean there are researchers that think they are close to understanding aging and slowing down aging processes to the heart for example, but this research is in it's infancy, by the time they ever figure it out, he will be 100)
He is still going to be much older than you are and look and feel much older and will be able to do much less than you will.
I am his age 53, my father is 80, there is absolutely no way I would want to sleep with a guy my Dad's age, and he is considered "buff" for his age. He used to run, he grew up on a farm and he has been active in his life.
He also has heart problems, had a stint put in his artery, had surgery on his spine and now is a little unsteady on his feet. He takes heart medications to keep him from having a stroke, and he probably will die of one in the not so distant future, or first be in a wheel chair because of a stroke, it is inevitable.
Both of my grandmother's lived to be 100, however, they did not grow up on the processed foods we eat today, they were farmers. They also looked very feeble and wrinkled as hell or more than 20 years, they had good minds up until the very end which was a blessing.
This doctor is feeding you a line of crap, I am sorry....he is trying to sell you on the fact that he ain't gonna die. ERRRH, wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): "I don't think he has psychological problems, he just doesn't want to get old."
I have about 4 doctors in my immediate family and I am quite familiar with how they think. They are trained to prevent illness, they are on a quest for the fountain of youth, but their character flaw is that they get a God complex and think that because they know so much that they can liver forever.
I can tell you with a certain fact that they cannot. Genetics more plays a huge role in longevity, but lifestyle can prolong genetic propensities a few years.
What doctors know that the rest of us don't is that lifestyle and living a healthy life will give us "quality" in our later years, but it does not prolong our lives...
He's delusional. And like I said, he may be fit now (so am I to a certain degree because I am blessed with good genes) but his body cannot do the things that it did when he was your age....and he is aging progressively faster with each passing year, where you are not....for now.
And by the way he is full of you know what about the coQ110 or whatever, that is mostly good for the skin which helps the photo aging of the cells of the skin, making one appear younger, it has nothing to do with the internal systems of the body.
This guy is an arrogant prick. He is building up his ego by entertaining the thought of keeping you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe believes that he can live longer,least up to 120.he is a doctor and is the one who first realized coQ10 can prolong your life span.I know it might sound silly but he does not feel old at all .he plays x bax and watches scifi movies and animation.he is so active in his age .scuba diving,caving,mountain climbing,and so into the science which I like the most.we have a lot to share
I don't think he has psychological problem he just does not want to get old.
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female
reader, curious26 +, writes (12 February 2010):
Um 53 year old man? Sorry but I think that's a little disgusting. Definitely do not marry him!!! I think your looking for a daddy figure. Have you thought about therapy? I usually date older but no older than 10 years older than me and even that causes problems, they're not as fun as guys in there 20s anyways most aren't. I think you should go to to a counselor about this and stay away from that 53 year old grandpa!!! You'll regret it if you stay. Plus your 23 your taste will change by the time your 25 believe me! Just be young n have fun!!! Don't get stuck with anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): This question was asked and answered earlier this week
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2010): I agree. It is psychological illness to get into an age difference relationship like that. The old man is worst, because he should know better, but of course he is having a good time,and very proud of himself,to own a young chick.. But the young girl is sick, because he wants to have sex with his daddy.. Oh ,its not right! They both need therapy....
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Based on what you say your simply with the wrong guy. Age does not define someones intellectual or emotional intelligence. Maybe you seem to be dating younger men who are not very good lovers.
The older man may have a little more security but before you know it someday he will be 85 and you will be 45 and all those years of your life are gone to a man who you wont be able to spend your retirement with. The gouys who you date now will also be more secure by then. I feel it will be a big gap for you in the future. but if you can handle that and this makes you happy then be with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): I don't think you should consider marrying or even dating the 53 year old man, that is my age exactly.
I am not against age gap relationships for people who are at least 30 years of age, I was with a man 15 years younger than myself for two years, and I can tell you this, I broke up with him because of his lack of maturity and he was a 37 year old man.
I think there is something inherently wrong with a 53 year old dating someone in their low 20's, I understand the physical attraction and the affection he might have for you, but I can assure you that is as deep as it goes for a normal 53 year old...and you deserve to be loved deeply and have a relationship of equals where you can both be allowed to go. I am in good physical shape for my age, but I can tell you that aging ACCELERATES the older one gets, so he will be actually aging much faster than you are now that he is older. When you are a young 35 and in the prime of your life, he will be 63 and prone to heart disease, diabetes, erectile dysfunction sagging pectoral muscles a gut that sticks out further than his dicky do, and all sorts of age related things hat are normal for him, but you will no longer be attracted to, and as he becomes really aged he may fall break a hip be in a wheel chair and then you are his nurse at a spry, hot 45....
See the big picture here, this guy has the same age difference from you as my father does with me.
I think you are too immature to be serious about anyone, any person of 23 who wants to run away from her parents to be with a man old enough to be her father is still too dependent on other people to take care of her and tell her what to do...that is why the boy your age doesn't fit, he can't take care of you, he wants a partner, not a parent child relationship.
Time to grow up and be your own person. Break it off with the fiance and be single until you figure out your own path. Men die and they leave, you have to be able to support yourself fully, love yourself fully and be able to live without anyone in order to have a healthy adult relationship and have someone else love you back.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (11 February 2010):
As everyone else has stated, if you are having doubts, then certainly don't marry the 28 year old. I'm assuming that you have thought through what your life would be like with a man 58? I'll give you a little glimpse of what MIGHT happen in your future. My husband was 10 years older than me...not as much age difference as you, but enough. At first things were great. He was 33, I was 23. We got married, had kids, a house, everything smashing. But then he started having problems with sex, MAJOR problems..not being able to stay hard. He had high blood pressure, so he couldn't take viagara, so our sex life totally died. At 33, sex was no longer a part of our life. He was tired all the time, NEVER wanted to go anywhere, do anything, just stay at home, watch tv, be on the computer. I had to do all the running around for the kids, because he was too tired. Then he became very ill with liver problems, almost died, wound up in a nursing home. Now at 57, he looks 75. I am no longer married to him. I am now dating a man 6 years younger than me and am happy. I couldn't handle everything with my ex. Please understand, this is MY story, it may not be yours, BUT...you do need to consider that marrying a man with that great of an age difference can be a BIG problem down the road. DO you want kids? He may not be around to raise them..are you prepared to be a widow at a young age? what if he has problems with sex? Can you handle that? Do you see where I am going? Your mom isn't trying to be cruel, but she's looking ahead. And if the guy is even older than her, I'm sure it makes her feel weird. Think things over very carefully, dear. Don't run into a marriage with ANYONE. Its definitely something to think about very carefully, weigh all your options.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 February 2010):
 I think if it was that easy for you to be "distracted" by another guy, the 28 year old is not for you.
However, 25 years difference is a lot. It's a whole generation really. I wouldn't go "run" off with anyone but I would break up with the fiancee. Obviously you aren't really that much into him, you just thought he was the one you "ought" to settle with.
You mom ( and everyone else who loves you) want the best for you. They might not think about what you really WANT and what they Want for you, should differ. However it does. You are 28, and quite frankly isn't it about time you decide what you want? Not let others dictate what you should want?
Let your fiancee go. He deserves happiness too. Then take some time to figure out what YOU want. If it is the older guy, TAKE your time getting to know him, don't rush, don't jump into anything. It will all bite you in the ass later if you do.
I'm sure there are people thinking this has some kind of father complex written all over, maybe it does. That is for you to figure out.
Good luck,
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male
reader, escribanus  +, writes (11 February 2010):
 Well first you should get professional help. I think it is called elektra complex, the feminine version of Edipo.
If you do not love your boyfriend, do not fool him and do not allow others to mess in your heart. So, do not harm this guy just to keep an image when you do not love him.
About your preference for old guys, Well I've always hated the words " For an old ass, fresh grass". My advice is to analyze why, what are you looking for in a man. I do not like relation with such a difference on age, is a simple matter of times. On your present and future time there is a lot of things to do that are on his past time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2010): I am engaged to a 53 year old and I am 27.
Frankly, it is ok, but I must tell you, be prepared to give up your immaturity. The problems that older men face are different than the problems of younger men.
Older men, depending on where they are in life, are dealing with getting older and dying. They don't have that happy go lucky optimistic and fresh attitude. They are cynical, and don't look upon the world and you in a fresh way.
They are disillusioned, and they don't see as much mystery in you or your body.
They also have a lot of baggage. You are not getting a new innocent fresh babe. You are gettting someone with lots of wounds.
YOu probably want an older man because of the secuirty. Not only can they be more mature, but your youth gives you a power over him.
THe power of youth over an older man is double edged sword.
One, it may give you security but it will not last. You will get older and then what, no more power.
If you are with him becasue of love in spite of age, that is different.
BUt don't chase the power imbalance. IT always shifts. Better not seek any power in a relationship. Both parties should be free.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 February 2010):
Well first of all, this 28 year old fiancé is not the guy for you and you know it. You need to break it off with him, no matter how painful, and let him find someone who does love him. Then you really need to spend time thinking about what you want from life. If you truly love this older man, then your love won't go away. I think you need to spend some time alone just for now really thinking about what it is you want from your life. Don't let other people run it for you.
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