A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to get tested for STD's? I get tested every year at my check up because you never know what someone else is doing and my job has some exposure risks. He has never been tested. We have a sexual relationship, but he cheated on me a while back. Since then, I can't help but wonder. We have been working on our relationship and rebuilding things, but this nagging question does hinder me in that department. He thinks because I tested clean means he is clean. but I know better. I just may have been lucky enough that transmission hasn't occurred yet. He gets offended by me asking this, says I act like he is contaminated and disgusting. I've brought it up for a year now, from time to time and we always end up arguing and he never gets it done. Am I wrong to ask this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses. He made me feel bad for asking him to do this, but I see now it is a normal concern and I'm not "putting him down" or treating him like he is "diseased". It is a responsible thing to do. I changed my approach and he said he will take care of it. I asked him if I could help him and go with him and he got aggravated and said he was a grown man and it was a personal issue and he would take care of it. I think he is still having issues with getting it done for some reason.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): how long was it that he cheated on you? it can take up to 6 months for an infection or a disease to show up so if its passed that bracket and your test revealed that your clean then you are clean and so is he, i know this beacuse ive had this discussion with my Doctor recently, but for peace of mind and respect for you, he show agree to get tested. Maybe you still don't trust him fully after what he has done?
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (10 June 2011):
 Getting tested regularly is an integral part of being a responsible adult in a relationship. Given that I get around a lot, it's obvious that I get myself tested, but I think in these times, being squeamish about being tested for STD's (or anything else, frankly) is unreasonable. He's already cheated on you - this is the least he can do to make that better.
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A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 if he has cheated on you, this should be non-negotiable.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I asked my bf to be tested and he readily agreed. I also get tested every 6 months....once we have had two tests clean (a year) and are monogamous we no longer will be tested.
i think it's reasonable and prudent to ask for testing
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Nooooooooooooooo!
The answer is "Thats ok, but we will need to use condoms EACH AND EVERY TIME"
If he cares about YOUR well being and wants to have unprotected sex with you, he is going to have to get over himself and just get it done.
Until then,
No glove, no love.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Men are twitchy about the doctors. I know because of my boyfriend. More women seem to go than men, lol. However, cheating and stds are serious business so he should want to put your stresses about it at rest. If he knows he's not doing anything and wants to start over, what's the problem? I hate to use the cheating card but ask him how he expects you to trust him if he already betrayed it a long time ago?
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A
male
reader, LoveCanada  +, writes (9 June 2011):
It is not unusual at all. It is a sign of being responsible.
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A
male
reader, wantspaintogoaway +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Asking someone to get tested just to be on the safe side is highly reasonable. He should be thankful to learn for the both of you
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2011):
 No, I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Also I would always use protections with a BF. (as in condoms).
I also can't see why he doesn't just get tested, it doesn't hurt and it's not invasive.
Since you are both in your 30's (I assume) you have both have previous partners and you can BOTH be carriers, even if you don't show symptoms.
I think it's RIDICULOUS not to get tested. I went through a whole battery of STI/STD + HIV testing when I met my now husband. He did the same. I got retested every 6 months the first 1 1/2 we were together. Neither of us found it odd to do.
I haven't had a lot of partners like my husband, but that doesn't mean either of us couldn't have been "infected".
I think people should be less careless about this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2011):
I think given that he cheated, him taking a test should be make or break to be honest. I'm afraid this should have been dealt with some time ago, when he initially cheated, and it should have been something you insisted upon. He won't do it now, and instead of wasting time on that, maybe you should consider leaving since he seems to not have that much respect for you.
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A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (9 June 2011):
 No, I do it all the time and if they don't want to then I'm gone.
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