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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: My husband and I have been married for almost 26 years. He just turned 49 and I am 48. In the begging it was very nice. We have 3 beautiful girls. But now , we hardly ever have sex.. He does not seem interested even though we are alone,and we have all the time.... Now I have gained a few pounds. I am not saying I am obese but I do need to loose about 15 pounds. So now I have the feeling he is just not sexually aroused by my body anymore because I don't look good. He says he is but when I get into bed naked and lay on top of him kissing his neck and nothing happens he just says he is tired, then I can't believe he is. . We talked about that and he says he likes me, but most of the times ,he is not interested to have sex...So what am I to think. It does nothing for my self confidence at all. So what is the problem. I think he only has sex with me most of the time because he senses I want to. Why can't he stay hard while we are having sex? . And just to add I am not one to just lay there. I help. . . Then we start having sex and after a bit he just goes soft. . So what am I to think? I am a horrible wife. I can't even keep my husband interested during sex. Please help.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 I agree with C.Grant. It sounds like his libido is on the wane and that sort of comes about naturally with age. You've been married for a while so let's face it, there isn't much new about having sex with one another.
If you are both over weight, I suggest joining the gym together. Couples that workout together will increase their libido, improve blood flow and increase his testosterone. If he is having problems maintaining an erection, that is usually the first sign of heart disease and he should look at seeing a doctor to rule out this issue. Treating it now could add years to his life.
Finally, I wouldn't take this too personally. I do realize it hurts, but unfortunately this is sort of the natural order of things. It doesn't sound like you are a bad wife and I have to applaud you for wanting to be with your husband and giving it a good effort.
It is definitely time to take a look at your overall physical health as a couple. It will take effort, but I do believe fitness / exercise can work wonders in this department.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 I've been married 47 years and I still think my wife is more beutiful than any other women.(I think most husbands feel the same-no not about my wife theirs) It sounds like he's taking what can be called an "intimacy holiday". We husbands don't stop lovingwe might stop making love but hey that's giving the wife a brak too. And after all, that is what most wives pine for( I'm concinced wives stop wanting sex after the first few months of marriage). So, don't thin he's failing you, he's probably coming to the realization that most husbands have to deal with; wives don't want sex as much as their husbands do.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 It might not be about you -- it might be about him. If he's having performance problems he might find it easier to just avoid the whole thing. Has he had a proper medical evaluation recently? There are health issues that might be contributing to the problem -- it's important to rule all that out.
Once you've ruled out health problems, then you can look at psychological causes. Novelty is very important, and incredibly tough to maintain in a relationship as long-lasting as yours. If he knows sex is going to be the same, or one of the same two or three scenarios, each and every time it may not be working for him no matter how attractive he still finds you. Are there things he's wanted to try but you've resisted? It can be an awkward conversation to have, but often these problems can be addressed with some candid communication.
He's lucky that you're willing, interested, and concerned. Hardly sounds like a horrible wife!
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