A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Do you think is this true, what my doctor says, the erectile dysfunction is just a part of aging, and its not a result of any medical problem? I have very sever erectile dysfunction, and a total lack of desire. He checked everything , did go to urologist too.And everything is perfect. No hormonal problems , no heart or diabetic issues. And I really dont know, what could be wrong with me, but it makes me very frustrated, and my wife is really sad, because, I can't even tell her, oh honey, its my health. So she thinks I dont love her anymore. But I do. What can cause this,I dont believe this would be natural part of aging, I was only 45 when its started what else could it be? Any ideas would be appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2012): Yes I do, but it is hard for her to accept, that I dont have an erection, when I give her pleasure.
What kind of psychological problems can cause such a sexual mess?
Thanks
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2012):
 Ah so it is psychological... you are able to get erect...
that does make a difference...
you still need to talk to her and tell her exactly what you told us that you are not happy about it and that you still want her... "the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" so to speak... it's a line we use often when a night of drinking renders my partner all amorous and cuddly but unable to penetrate...
Do you romance her?
do you kiss her?
hug her?
cuddle her?
I can tell you as a 52 year old woman that those actions go a very very long way in being forgiving of lack of intercourse?
if you are into oral sex go that route..
the more you worry about the penis problem the worse it will be...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): OP here again.
I can discuss it,but the problem is that it is hard for her to accept that I have this problem without medical cause. Like ,if I would have diabetes, I could say, it is from that, and not because I dont love her. And that is why its harder on the relationship, if you have no medical cause.
Otherwise yes I have my morning erections, and at night as well. Likely it is psychological, but how it will ever come out what is it, I don't know. You know, its just you got a problem, but you dont know the cause, or how to fix it.
Thanks again, and I'm still wondering ,and waiting for more ideas, .
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2012):
oh and you should know that my grandfather and grandmother had an active sex life well into their 80s so ED is not necessarily part and parcel of aging..
I agree a second opinion and workout are called for.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2012):
Again OP do you ever get an erection in the middle of the night or in the morning????
if the function to get the erection is there (as evidenced by the morning glory) that says one thing..
IF YOU DO NOT EVER get any erections then would you discus with the doctor the use of a penile prosthesis? (an implant)
and again why can't you discuss this with your wife?
she is YOUR WIFE and you should talk to her about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): Hey ,Im the OP.Cialis give me horrific effects. You are lucky , if you dont get them. Do you have any health issues? ThanksThanks/Otherwise, I don't smokeI don't drink,I'm not overweightI don't have high blood pressureI dont have hormonal problems as I mentioned at the original post.That is why Im so puzzled about the cause, and that is why I can't say it that it is a ''health problem'' because I dont know what is this? If and I just can't accept, that is just the part of aging. Thanks for all answers, if there is anybody in similar situation out there, with no medical cause, I would love to hear about it,
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (9 May 2012):
 If you have high blood pressure it can affect your winkie. If you are taking BP medications and other meds those can also have an affect. And yes it comes with age. It's a bummer but it's true.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): Cialis works. I would lack desire if mine wasn't working. This stuff works so good its amazing like you were 25 again no negative side effects
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): I think all the posters before me are right. Two things I will suggest. Improve your fitness by working out and eating well. Work out 3 times a week, with weights, swimming etc. My sex drive and erections when through the roof when I started doing that.
The second thing is oral. Just give lots and lots of oral. The feeling of desire and pleasure from that should help.
I'd also seek a second medical opinion OP. Doctors aren't gods and this is too important.
Definitely start working out though. Greater strength, power testosterone and endurance does wonders for the libido.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2012):
Dorothy Dix is correct. Smoking, drinking and excess weight can affect erections. IF you smoke you need to quit… same with drinking. Several things I can think of:
Have you tried Viagra and Cialis?
Do you wake up with an erection?
Do you please her in other ways (oral, manual stimulation, cuddles, kisses etc)…
WHY can’t you tell your wife it’s your health? Why do you want her to think it’s that you don’t’ find her attractive any more? OF course you can AND SHOULD tell her. I would so want to know of ANY health issues my partner has. IN fact, we go to each other’s doctors appointments most of the time to address our issues as a couple… this is one of the issues that MUST be addressed as a couple as it affects you and her and your relationship…
You say your hormone levels are normal but which ones? Testosterone is what they normally test and LOW-T is a huge problem for men. My dad wears a T-patch… or he did for a while till they got it straightened out… low-T causes many problems. Also men do need progesterone as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 May 2012):
 You had your hormone levels checked? A low level of testosterone usually mean a low level of libido.
Thyroid problems can also lower the ability to get an erection.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (9 May 2012):
It can have many causes, which makes identifying the problem somewhat akin to searching for a needle in a haystack. However it does sound like your doctor has been rigorous in ruling out medical conditions such as diabetes, or vascular disease. It is true that erectile dysfunction can be a result of aging. It can also have psychological causes and so, unfortunately, the more anxious you become about your sexual performance, the more likely you are to be unable to get an erection. A single failure to get or maintain an erection can trigger this vicious cycle.
If you really aren’t satisfied that your problem does not have a medical cause, you should of course go back to your doctor. I am no medical expert so don’t substitute my advice for a second medical opinion. Do look at your lifestyle though: having high blood pressure, being overweight, smoking and drinking can all contribute to erectile dysfunction. Do work to address the psychological concerns as well: talk to your wife and explain to her how much this upsets you and how much you want to be able to enjoy a sexual relationship with her. Maybe look for a relationship counsellor that might be able to help. You could discuss with her ways of being physically intimate that don’t involve penetration, so that you can still enjoy physical intimacy in a way that reduces the pressure you feel under to perform. None of these things are quick fixes, but they can help, and you can find ways to deal with this together as a couple.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (9 May 2012):
Hi there. To gain and sustain a full erection is really about blood circulation to the penis.
Are you carrying any extra body weight?
If so, well then the extra fatty tissue in the lower abdomen could be reducing the blood flow to the erectile tissue and causing the problem.
As you have said your doctors have told you there is no medical condition to cause this, well then perhaps it is due to not doing enough physical activity.
In other words, you are not feeling very energetic these days.
To have more energy, you need to burn more energy.
A physical activity on a regular basis - such as regular brisk walking for 30 minutes every day, or at least 3 days a week - would definitely increase your energy and you would therefore feel more in the mood for making love in the first place.
Sleeping well at night - a good 8 hours of quality sleep - also makes a difference in how you feel during the day.
And how's your diet? Are you eating plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables and low fat meat, and not eating too many fatty foods or deep fried foods.
A good diet makes a hell of a difference to how you feel during your day.
Drinking about 6-8 glasses of fresh tap water every day, to flush out your kidneys and remove any toxins, which can make you lethargic.
Another good thing to do, is begin taking a good multivitamin and mineral tablet each day.
They really do make a difference to your energy levels, and it's not just imagined either.
It's not so much that you get a sudden burst of energy, it's more that you don't seem to run out of energy.
And let's face it, energy is what it takes to be in the mood and to actually make love.
Perhaps you and your wife could go out walking together.
Then you will both have more energy!
If you haven't said why you don't want sex with your wife as yet, well then you need to, because already as you have said, she is starting to feeling like you are rejecting her.
So don't delay telling her why sex hasn't been happening.
The longer you leave it, the more it will begin to become a psychological problem instead of just a physical one.
Once your mind gets involved, well then it becomes an axiety and that could be much worse than what you are experiencing now.
Please try all the suggestions I have made here, as I really believe they could solve the problem for you once and for all.
It's often just a case of common sense and back to basics.
The really good thing here, is doctors have ruled out that you have no illnesses that could have caused it, which is why I believe the simple solutions could do the trick.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (9 May 2012):
I think this problem is more common than anyone realises and that you should do some research online to find out the statistics etc. You are not on your own with this one.
You will have to be sure to maintain a physical relationship with your wife on some level or she could indeed end up feeling neglected. So even if penetrative sex is out, there are plenty of other options which you may have to make an effort with even if your heart isn't totally in it.
Keep communicating and keep making each other feel loved, that is the most important thing.
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