A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have some big problems with self esteem. I am 20y/o and engaged to a lovely young man who I love dearly. We have a fantastic relationship. My problem is about his female friends. He's the sort of guy who has primarily lady friends but never dates them. We are all going out together for his birthday later this week and, though I am happy to be getting to know his friends better, I'm feeling a tad insecure.You see, I have a hormonal problem that makes me gain weight very easily, so I am quite overweight right now. It's been an emotional time for me, so my self restraint has been poor. I know this is my fault and I am fraught with guilt and shame over this.All of his lovely friends are thin and beautiful and confident. I am not. I try, but I get discouraged when trying to lose weight because it just never works, and I feel I am less valuable because I am so chubby. I need some advice on how to at least act confident around these girls when we go out. I already feel like the odd man out, so I don't want to be super awkward! Please help!
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, insecure, lose weight, overweight, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2012):
 1. Let go of the guilt and the shame. Yes you are responsible but we all make mistakes. Just learn from it and work your hardest to be as healthy as you can be. This is not about being beautiful or thin… it’s about being healthy.. And carrying excessive weight is not healthy.. I know you know this but I want you to hear it from a formerly fat chick. I had a BMI of 45 at one point. Now I’m about 26 or so… It’s very hard work and even as a size 6 I still have a fat brain and think myself unattractive…
2. Find a counselor that can work with you on your self-esteem… you are not less valuable because you are overweight.
3. Remember that everyone thinks that others are prettier, or thinner or more attractive… it’s not really about the packaging it’s about the presentation. Dress well… groom well (I’m sure you already do) and hold your head high. Your fiancé is with YOU because he loves YOU and finds YOU desirable and attractive… NOT every man likes thin women…. Just because a woman is a size 2 does not mean she is worth more, is a better person, is more desirable than a woman who is a size 22. Let’s focus on the fact that excess weight is NOT healthy… not that it’s less attractive. Leonard Nimoy (of Mr. Spock fame) has a new career as a photographer. He likes to do nudes. Of obese women… he finds them atheistically pleasing. Here’s a link to “the full Body project” website: http://www.rmichelson.com/Artist_Pages/Nimoy/pages/MaxBeaut.htm
|
