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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I carry this predisposition about women that they don't like men, sex and any kind of male intimacy. May be based on my mom's attitude. Also i find it inadequate if the women i am having sex with doesn't like it or has a negative impression about it in her mind. I am sort of dependent on her approval to validate my sexual strength or masculinity. Is this normal or is not necessary? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, someone frustrated  +, writes (8 August 2010):
Communication is the key here no matter who you are with. Chances are that if you have good chemestry together then the sex will be good too. But you need to be with someone who is honest with you about it and you have to be able to talk.
Very few women genuinely don't like sex, and those who do -- not for any religious or abusive reason -- have a difficult rime with relationships.
I personally have had both committed relationships and one-nighters and have always hated sex no matter the person, but that is just me.
I don't think that it is something you should worry about.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): i am a young woman, and when it comes right down to it, i love that my boyfriend and i are intimate. given, i'm still a virgin, but we fool around and often get as close to sex as you can get without actually having it. and though some women dislike sex, it isn't always the act itself, but moreso that their partner focused more on his own pleasure than hers, causing her to feel that all sex was like that.so to answer your question in short, not all women dislike sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): For me, it does have to be with a man that loves me & respects me. So if you're getting the impression from some females that they don't like sex, it is probably because of their relationship (or lack there of) with the man in question. I like to be held afterwards, and I like to feel special before and after sex. But when I was younger, I did have 1 night stands. I would never do that now though. If you want a woman to enjoy sex with you, build a special bond with her 1st, take it slow & let her know she's important.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Women like sex more than men, in most cases. They are actually the only species on the face of this earth with an organ dedicated specifically for pleasure (clitoris). Think about that. There are billions are creatures on planet earth and human women are the ONLY ones.
They LOVE sex, way more than even you do.
I would assume your mother was religious? To this I would say that her religious views are extremely unhealthy. If you find yourself feeling guilty about sex, you really need to see a counselor. Those views are not healthy, not normal and not natural; as sex is a completely natural process.
Secondly, being an approval seeking male is a very unattractive quality. I would suggest you not seek her approval for anything. Sex or otherwise. It's time to MAN UP and take charge.
Overall, your views on sex should be YOURS. Do not let other people dictate how you should feel about a particular activity. If you enjoy sex (you're human... of course you do) than you need to embrace that enjoyment and be unashamed of it.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 I think that women do enjoy sex but on a more mature level than men, generally speaking. Women tend to have sex as a result of a mental bond where as men have sex merely because the opportunity arises.
There are many jokes about women doing it just to get there husbands off their backs. So for women, it's not about enjoying it or not, it's about who they're with. I do believe men also have an urgency about sex that women can ignore easier. These are my experiences and I've had some of the same issues as you. Example, if she's not craving sex it's because she doesn't desire me....That is not always true. Your situation may be different s I've bee with the same person 23 years.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 Women enjoy sex when it's wanted and usually when it's with someone who shows them respect. Some women have been treated badly by men and therefore have the feeling that all men are like that.
However, there are many who don't think this and I think that it is a matter of you showing them the respect they deserve as a human being and not just an object to get pleasure from.
Hope I helped.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (26 June 2007):
 No your ideas that women do not like sex is completely off track.
It is a case that depending on the person you are with and the way in which you interact with them means that the sex is either good or bad.
Personally I was with my ex for almost 20 years and for 15 of those 20 years the sex was always fantastic. The last 5 was when our daughter was born and our sex life changed dramatically due to time constraints and the responsibility of being parents.
I think that depending on how your mum's attitude is towards sex does have an influence on children's perceptions as well. Did she always down the act of sex or say that your father was no good in some way?
If you are in a loving relationship then sex can be fantastic.
However, if you are having sex with different partners and there is no true relationship then it is just quick mindless sex so I don't think you would get the reaction you desire from that person as you are both looking for sexual gratification and nothing more than that.
Perhaps talking to a sexual counsellor may open up things for you regarding your sex life and you can see someone by going via Relate who can then refer you to a sexual counsellor if they deem it necessary. All chats with them are completely confidential and you can go on your own so you don't have to be in a relationship for someone like Relate to help you.
I think we all like to hear when we are good at something and sex is no different as we cannot always predetermine what someone is thinking.
If they make all the right sounds and tell you have fantastic it was then yes you can gauge it I guess but I think you are not abnormal to ask if it was good for the other person as for a man or woman we need to know these things.
Try not to stress yourself out about this as we also get better with more experience as well and so don't try to push yourself too hard and go for quality not always quantity.
You are still young and there is a whole world out there so don't expect too much from yourself.
I am sure that many other comments will come your way so take snippets from everyone and it is all good sound advice as it is from everyone's own personal experiences.
Take care and any time you want to chat we are all here for you.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): No, of course it's not true. Most women thouroghly enjoy good sex in the right situation for them personally.
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