A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need your opinions and thank you in advance. I am 40 dating a guy who is 48 for 3 weeks. We have been on 16 dates already. I know it is too much with some standards but he is just head over heels for me and has told all his family and friends and he took me to a party where I was introduced to all his department. Just some backgrounds, he is a professor teaching in an university, divorced and has 2 kids. I am in medical field divorced with one kid. I have been in his house and we are already committed and he shows lotf of interest and respect. He calls me his girlfriend but on the party he introduced me to one of his colleagues as his date. The question is I was wondering if it's too soon to sleep together. What do you think? Thank you!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2017):
 Oh dear it sounds like he is doing a lot in three weeks. Honestly this would scare me. Take away the sleeping together I think he needs to slow down, you both have children to think about and he is already talking about marriage after three weeks off being together? Really?
OP it is your choice if you are ready to sleep with him or not their is no right or wrong, but this whole relationship sounds rushed. Slow it down and enjoy each other company. I also do think introductions to the children should wait until you two know each other a bit better.
A
female
reader, Guardian wings  +, writes (28 February 2017):
You said a lot about him being excited about you. It's great that he is. Setting that aside, how do you honestly feel about him? You don't have to do things based on how he feels. If he's head over heels, so be it. Are you?
As the other aunt said, if you have been searching for something serious, you should probably discuss with him about where you guys are and where you're headed and then get intimate. If you want to have it and are only hesitant because you think he would judge you based on it, then I don't really think 3 weeks is too short.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): I'm the op- Thanks for he advices. Actually I have been in his house 3 times. He says I respect you a lot and don't want to rush things. I want to give it enough time so you be completely comfortable and it should be a special moment for us. He said I don't want to scare you but my intention is to marry you but we take it slow as we have kids. He wants to introduce me to them next week and keep apologizing that if it's too much that he is asking. He changed his fb relationship status and wanted to post our picture but I he didn't because I wasn't comfortable. So just wanted to get some advice from you guys about the intimacy and dating in the US. Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 February 2017):
 I don't think that age has got anything to do with this, it's always the same if you are 20, 40 or 60. It's not about age, it's about your expectations.
You have no particular demands or plans for your romantic life ? Are you willing to just be in the moment, enjoy what you have now and let things develop naturally ? Are you willing to be a good sport about it, i.e. accept that , for all you know now,it may end up either way , with a marriage/ long lasting, memorable, meaningful relationship, or else just be a pleasant but short lived experience ?
Then by all means ... get started.
Do you have certain standards you want to be met, certain expectations you want to be fulfilled ? Are you, willingly and consciously, looking for a serious, committed relationship ? Nothing else than that will do, anything less would leave you feeling shortchanged, or used, with a bitter aftertaste of failure ?
Then, as old fashioned as it may sound, the advice and the M.O. is always the same : if you want a relationship, then wait until you ARE in one before becoming intimate.
Maybe you'd better wait some more and see better how the land lies. This guy surely shows a lot of enthusiasm, which is a good thing, but remember that enthusiasm is not at all the same as staying power. In fact, very typically things which start TOO intense will sizzle at first but fizzle pretty soon . And being " his date " of course is not the same as being " his girlfriend ".
It's up to you, and your mindset and wishes. Do you only want a serious relationship ? Then wait. Are you able to go with the flow of life in its different twists and turns , without regrets and bitterness ? Then , no need to wait.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2017): Your 40 and he's 48?? What are you waiting for?? Have a glass of wine to loosen up a little and hop in the sack..hopefully you'll actually have a good time if you allow yourself...you'll end up an old maid if you keep waiting and wondering....I only say this because you seem over cautious and a little uptight...If your not interested, then tell the poor guy so he can get on with his life and meet someone else..give it another week then MAKE A DECISION!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2017): Well, I have known my boyfriend since July 2012 and we got together in June 2013. We were in the same social circle and knew each other as we saw each other often. I could tell he was attracted to me and I felt the same way. One weekend he invited me out for a drink. And we had sex that same night. It was ELECTRIC. And every day since has been ELECTRIC.So, technically we took it to the next level on our first date but we had known each other for a year previous. But were not dating.I think when chemistry hits and you both want the same thing, you should not let anything stand in the way!There are no rules. Just go with whatever happens in the moment. Let it happen naturally. ;) Have fun!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 There's no number of dates to prequalify for sex. If there were you would have exceeded that. 16 dates in 3 weeks? That is a stretch(maybe the numbers are mixed up but I can't see that many dates in such a short period of time. Hold off until you are in love with him. No mater how long or how many dates that takes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2017): Trust your gut instincts and your character judgement. Personally I would wait until I feel like sex won't make a difference to the situation, which I believe you can suss out within a few weeks to a few months. Plus you're not teenagers, sex "too soon" with a man with a mature mindset shouldn't change things.
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A
female
reader, Libragirl72 +, writes (27 February 2017):
Personally, from experience I myself do the deed too soon. And, my relationships haven't been so good lately.You can't ever have this starting mark again. I say hold out. Make love to each other's souls! lol
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 If you need to ask the question, then you should hold off because you obviously have doubts. You will know when the time is right for you because there will not be any doubt in your mind.
The speed with which he has fallen "head over heels" for you would worry me if I was in your situation. However, that is not to say it is not right for YOU - but only if you feel it is right. Don't be pressured into doing anything just because HE wants it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2017): I'm in my 40s also and although I know that the modern trend is to 'go for it ' pretty early , I too would be inclined to wait until I knew how serious the guy was about me and I about him. I certainly wouldn't want to be sleeping with a man unless I knew we had already decided it would be an exclusive thing , so for me personally that would be the deciding fact I feel
- the actuall discussion about where we saw the connection heading and what we both wanted out of it . Also I'm not interested in seeing with anyone who is doing anyone else at the same time and I would hope he would like the same from me . So perhaps those types of things may or may not have come up in conversation and will help you decide
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A
female
reader, Slippers +, writes (27 February 2017):
Your not a teenager however guys can think if she so quick to give this piece of honey to me, who else would she be willing to give it to ..
Saying your his date and gf are two different things in my opinion . If I weee in your shoes and I too am 40 ..I would at least wait 7 months with a definety idea of where this was going before hopping into bed with him, sex is sex .. being in love committed and having a future is so much more .. I'd say give it time.. he's saying all the right things at the moment just be careful..
This is only my opinion though so at the end of everything it really would be up to you
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A
female
reader, miss_aunty +, writes (27 February 2017):
Sleep with him if you think you guys are ready for that next step. Everyone relates to this differently. Some people sleep together after one date and last and some people wait till a month or so. If you are ready than go for it. It sounds like you guys are pretty serious, I doubt sleeping with him after only three weeks will make him feel any differently (in a negative way) towards you.
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