A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible to tame a guy who acts like player? I like this guy but he pretty much treats girls like s***, just using them to hook up after he's drinking.(Before I get the lecture, he's actually a very nice person otherwise and I know a lot of guys who treat girls like this, doing the no commitment, one night hookup thing) Before he started being like that, he had a girlfriend that dumped him. From what I hear, he was pretty hurt. I think he just hooks up and treats girls as one night hookups because he's afraid to get close and hurt again. I've been spending time with him and he says stuff like I'm the first girl he actually wants to hang out with in the daytime. I still think he's afraid of getting too close so how do I let him know we can be more and I'm not going to hurt him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): "I like this guy but he pretty much treats girls like s***, just using them to hook up after he's drinking."
You're a girl, what do you think?
"he says stuff like I'm the first girl he actually wants to hang out with in the daytime"
Oh yeah? has he given you the "you're different from other girls, you get me on a deeper level" lines yet?
That was me a few years back and for the exact same reason. I got burned by an ex so I said "fuck women, I'll take what I want from them and throw them away when I'm done, who cares?"
2 years I was like that OP.
And I'm a nice guy, I never lied to them, I never played any kind of long games intentionally, I just bagged women on nights out, screwed them and left them. Guilt free because it's not my problem if they assumed it was anything else.
As a guy who was who he is now, the honest truth of this is OP, no woman could have changed me, no woman could have gotten me to fall in love with her women were dirt and worth nothing to me. They were walking vaginas as far as I was concerned and I was in too bad a place to even consider getting with one. Except of course female friends and family who I didn't consider sexual creatures.
Of course that's not including the "changers", basically the girls that thought I was a challenge and their ego just couldn't handle that I couldn't fall in love them so they decided to try and "change me, tame me" into a guy who could love them. They got very hurt indeed worse than any one-night stand. I made it very clear to them that I wasn't going to be in a relationship, I told them they didn't stand a chance yet this only made them want me more so I took what they gave from them which was their heart, their soul and their bodies until they finally woke up one morning and finally realized that they were fools all along that I'd "used" them and I was an asshole. Sure I could have been more of a gentleman and told them to piss off so as to protect them but like it or not it was nice to have that attention, it's a nice ego boost to be chased and we had some good times too.
OP I've met plenty of girls like you, romanticists with an ego the size of a planet that think her love will be the thing that sets his soul free and takes away his pain and all that garbage. You're in for a long hard game here because if I were him the way I used to be, I'd ruin you and you'd only have yourself to blame for ignoring my reputation and thinking you somehow are better than all the other girls in the world and you're the one that can "change me".
It's girls like you are the only reason I miss being that much of an incredible asshole. There is just such a rush and ego boost from a girl who is so obsessed and desperate to have you that she completely ignores her better judgement and jumps into bed with you even though she knows for certain she's going to get very hurt. You have to experience that to believe it, it's better than any drug, such a feeling of power and control. The best part is you don't even have to feel bad about it, not even slightly, they're the ones doing all the work, you just get to sit back and let them bur themselves out while having your fun with them. They knew I was a player, they knew I don't love or relationships they wanted to prove me wrong to boost their own egos and validate themselves.
What changed me? Why don't I do that anymore? Because I decided it was wrong for me and not bringing me happiness and in all that time I had not taken the time to get over my girlfriend, I'd used women as an escape. it took me a full year of having nothing romantic or sexual with a woman for me to get over that stage in my life and the only person who could do that for me, was me and the only reason it happened was when I'd finally had enough.
You're not going to win here OP, you're just another "changer" one of many he'll have knocking on his door.
A
female
reader, SweetIvy  +, writes (10 July 2012):
The answer is a whopping NO!! YOU cannot tame nor try to change anyone be it a man or woman. He has to decide for himself if he wants to deal with his issues or continue to shrug it off and be a "player." It's nice that he seems to think highly of you but keep your guard up and allow him to make the moves towards a closer relationship if he wants to. If not, don't sweat it. Just means that there is someone else out there who doesn't have so much baggage that will be open to being in a real relationship with you. Whatever you do, don't become another receptacle he uses for 10 seconds of eupohoria, if you know what I mean. Be careful!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): See all those notches on his bedpost?
They all thought they could tame him too.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 July 2012):
No. For the reason that he has problems he has to deal with. You can't deal with them for him, and if you try to, you'll just make it worse.
He has to make any and all changes himself. You can't do a thing, and you shouldn't do a thing. Otherwise all that will happen is you'll be treated like the rest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): I'd be careful if I were you. You can't be 'a nice person otherwise' and treat girls (human beings) like shit. What he is telling you could be just another line to get your attention.
I don't think you can actually tame anyone, any change really comes from within a person.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 July 2012):
 I am not sure if it is possible to tame a player. The real question is...are you willing to risk your sanity and emotional and physical well-being to try to tame him? There are all kinds of reasons people do what they do. He could very well be acting out after being hurt, but that is his choice. He doesn't have to be a player because there are plenty of good women out here who would not hurt him. Men who constantly hook up do so because they want to. So, would it be possible to change him? Anything is possible, but it depends on whether you want a whole man in your relationship or whether you want to play therapist to one hoping he will change with no guarantees. It seems like you would be gambling with your time and energy with this one.
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