A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, everyone :)This may be a bit long so please bear with me. I'v just come out of a three year relationship. We lived together the majority of those three years.Resons why we broke up:-he was extremely paranoid and jealous- constant accusations, following me, checking my phone, emails, Facebook - he once sat and forced me to call every single number on my phone bill one by one.- following on from the constant accusations, constantly told me he would kill me if he found out i'd done anything. (I never gave him any reason to be paraniod)- couldn't leave the house without his permission - had to beg him to goto family events- he constantly accused me of lying about the smallest things(I wasn't)- minor physical abuse- pushing and slapping. Nothing 'heavy'. He doesnt count this as violence, but I do. - constantly breaking up with me then changing his mind. - him just critisizing me for everything- my sense of style, my cooking, my eating habits, my personality. Ok. All this sounds crazy I know, but like any relationship, it had its good points.my problem is this: since we've broken up, he's been constantly crying, begging for another chance. Telling me he can change. I'm trying to be strong, but its hard. I do love him. and it seems to be genuine, I'v never seen him cry before, he's never begged me to be with him before. Is it possible someone like him can change?He's telling me he can't live without me and he can't love anyone after me, and if he can't be with me he'd rather be single forever. He just wants to start a family with me. I feel so guilty. And when I list incidences such as the ones above, he says he's sorry and cries.I told him so many times, one day you're gonna lose me, and you'll be sorry because you'll realize what you've lost. He'd laugh and call me stupid and tell me he knew exactly what he was doing. Now, it seems I was rightI spend three years trying to prove to this guy i loved him and was trustworthy. Now it seems his efforts are too late....
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female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 I went through an identical situation. It was all the same except the physical abuse. I broke up with him, he begged me to come back saying he'd change, I took him back, he behaved for a while and went back to his previous conduct. I made him consult psychiatrists but he would lie to me about his counselling sessions, skip them and later get furious when I asked him how he was progressing. It was a cycle of emotional abuse. I was totally devastated. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did for myself. YOU DO THE SAME! Don't take him back, for the sake of your mental health, peace and happiness. You deserve much better.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 May 2012):
 Sounds like he's good at manipulating people, you'd be very silly to give him a second chance, when someone loves you truly, they won't treat you like this.
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A
female
reader, cheers  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 No,he won't change. You're a very patient gal to stay 3 yrs with him and bear with it.
You already make a Stunning &Brave decisions. Isn't it a relief now and feel freedom? Keep it strong.don't look back!
Great,you're already step closer to your own HAPPINESS...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): People don't change unless they actually lose the relationship for good and never get it back. Then they might change to be better to their next partner. It is their new better behavior that keeps their new relationship.
If you take him back it means he didn't actually lose your relationship after all just had a little scare. He therefore wont change. He would have learned that he doesn't need to change only to put on a show and make big promises. So that's all you'll get from him. As well as his previous problems.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2012): Sure he will change. For maybe a month or a year at most. Then the old habits will creep back one by one when he's no longer feeling the stress of being alone. He's got so many bad behaviors that I think it would be a miracle if just one of those got changed permanently. I really don't think your relationship will be much different if you get back together. Not for long at least.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (11 May 2012):
 Why in the world would you even CONSIDER giving this man another chance?!
He sounds as though he's just trying to get the better of you - note that he called you stupid and said he knew exactly what he was doing. Manipulative so-and-so.
Don't fall for it.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (11 May 2012):
 Someone that acts like this is never going to change and you need to try as hard as you possibly can to resist him. I'm not saying it will be easy but you need to be in a relationship that is real that is healthy and you need to be with a man who will treat you right. Everyone deserves that including you !
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (11 May 2012):
 Please do not take him back. He took you for granted. People like that never change. It's a pendulum, he will go back and treat you the way he did before, so stay very far away. It's time to live the life you should- not having to beg to go places, not being slapped or pushed around and not having to constantly prove your faithfulness. Take a deep breath of the new fresh air around you.
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