A
male
age
30-35,
*heLoneRanger
writes:I am 16 years old and I don't have a girlfriend, yet. I've never had girlfriend before in my entire life. People (primarily my peers) have told me that not having a girlfriend at my age is sad and pathetic. I remember one guy on my football would make fun of me and the way I dressed and say it's no wonder as to why you've never had a girlfriend before. The truth is, I have been liked by many girls, but I just don't feel ready to be responsible for a relationship, plus I've been depressed for years now. My mom and dad (especially my mom) have called me 'faggot' and said that I'm gay. They have even said this stuff in front of family members in an insulting manner. I actually like girls, but I don't want a girlfriend yet. When my mom says stuff like that I don't like it when she verbally abuses me. The emotionally pain feels worse than that of physical pain. Is there something wrong with me and am I normal?
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female
reader, xtwinklex  +, writes (20 November 2010):
I had my first relationship at 16, and even then it was only because I got asked out and felt like it was something I should do to be 'normal' - not a good plan! It lasted a few weeks, I tagged along like a lost puppy and she ditched me for her ex :D
It wasn't my first relationship because I was disliked previous either, I'd been asked out several times during senior school (11-18years) but never felt like it was something I wanted or felt ready to do :)
I had my first sexual relationship at 19, and again it was really just because I felt excluded from my peer group and he seemed like the only option to be like everyone else - again, not a great plan on my part!
I'm now in my first REAL relationship at 21, one I feel comfortable with. It's only now that I feel I'm mature enough to stand up for myself, talk things over and be responsible for the feelings of another. I feel like an equal, not a pet :D
I'm not saying I would do anything differently as past experience make us who we are, but I do wish that first time round I'd had more of your sense :P hold on to that!
I also find that sometimes, parents don't realise how cruel they're being - they have for the most part, good intentions. Do you talk to them about what their comments mean to you?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): You are trying to be responsible and that is good.
But keep one thing in mind: Nobody else is waiting for you. Most people don't hold off on dating until they can do it right, they just start doing it and foul it up for years. I'm saying you are not easily going to find girls who have lived like you have.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): I think it is a very powerful thing for a 16 year old boy to say that he doesnt want to be in a relationship because you think you arent responsible right now. It shows that you are very smart and wouldnt want to risk a relationship just to prove to other people that you arent "sad and pathetic". I am 13 female and never have had a boyfriend. I feel the same way as you. As for your family, I think its is terrible that your mom calls you a "faggot". Why do you think this is? Let me say, you should be able to dress in whatever you want. I think its terrible and sick that in todays world people have to wear abercrombie & fitch and other brands like that to be considered "cool". To me, its not self expression, its following people, and people should be an indivisual. I think its wrong that your mother calls you names and I suggest asking her about it. You sound like a very responsible 16 year old male to me and I wish you the best of luck and you will get a girlfriend when you feel responsible enough, which is a very good idea. :]
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A
male
reader, TheLoneRanger +, writes (20 November 2010):
TheLoneRanger is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really, really feel better about myself now. Thanks to everyone who commented and I really appreciate you! You guys are awesome and I feel a lot better than I did yesterday, because of your thoughtful, nice, and logical comments. If I had more people like you guys in my life everyday, I would never be depressed. Once again, thanks! :) :) :)
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A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Hun,absolutely nothing is wrong with you.I think it's awsome that your okay with saying your not ready for a girlfriend. If your not ready,then your not ready.Oh well.Don't let what your parents and other people say.Obviously they have nothing better to do then pick on you.It's quite sad that your parents say that though.Talk to a councelor or something to help you overcome that emotional pain your feeling.One day you will find that girl and you'll both be super happy together.Focus on school and your true friends and yourself.Let the girl come to you.And who cares how you look.Your an independent person and that's something you should always be proud of.If you need anything let me know.
Love and kisses,
Muffy
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): you said that girls like you but you don't ask them out. that means there's nothing wrong with you. In fact, you're pretty smart to not date anyone at 16! teenage relationships don't usually last, and they can cause drama and heartbreaks! as far as your parents go, they are making a HUGE mistake by the things they say. I would suggest you talk to someone you trust (an adult would be best) and try to get help with this. good luck, my prayers are with you
Abby 15
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A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Wow! Your parents SUCK! They might THINK that they are trying to 'toughen' you up or something... but it's totally wrong!Now, as for the girlfriend, don't worry about it. You shouldn't get into a relationship just to 'have' a girl friend. Although, for sake of your own sanity - and to get your parents off your back it might not be a 1/2 bad idea. You don't have to actually DATE said girl. Maybe work it out with some (female) friend that you go to dances and what not together... without really dating per say. That way your parents will think that you're 'dating' and will probably lighten up.As for your 'friends' on the football team. SCREW them! High School is a VICIOUS place. Remember: The people that matter, don't really care (whether you're gay/bi/straight, have a girlfriend, whatever)... and the people who care (those voicing negative opinions)... don't really matter.
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A
female
reader, Napalm_Angelripper  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Don't let it get to your head. It's not at all sad. I only got my first boyfriend until I was 16 (and that's not to say because I was disliked or not attractive). And you know what? I'm really glad I waited that long :D.
I've known guys in the past to have only started going out with girls when they were 16 or even older, despite being extremely attractive and alluring individuals. There's nothing wrong with them, at least in my eyes. If anything, I respect them even more!
- The Resident Metalhead
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 November 2010):
I'm not sure what weirdos you have as friends and family, but there certainly isn't anything wrong with you. You seem to be the only sane person where you live. You'be got two parents always putting you down for some reason that's beyond me, and a bunch of bizarre peers. Seriously, I didn't get my first girlfriend until I was 16, and it went wrong anyway. You just do what you want, and don't worry about your peers or your parents. Strive to be more independent and intelligent than they are so you don't become that closed minded.
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