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male
age
26-29,
*teelhawk65
writes:This might be a very "rough" question.. But, let's say you have 2 children. Would it be normal to love one more then the other? Or, let's say you were put in a situation where only one of your children would live, and you had to choose which one died/lived. Would it be normal to have an answer for that question?This is very oddly worded, I'm sorry. Another thing, don't post comments like: "You should be ashamed for asking such a question!" Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2012): Hi
My sister once blew me away with a comment...we were adults.
She said: ''If you and I were both drowning, Dad would save you!''
I replied honestly : If you and I were both drowning, Dad would SAVE himself''
I was utterly blown away by this statement it came out of nowhere or so i thought.
My sister at this time unbeknown to me felt a little left out and unfavoured...but the truth was at that time i had a lot of things to cope with and needed a bit more of my parents T.L.C..and maybe i stole her share. My sis misjudged this for favouritism which was so not true.
You need to be clearer with your original question.
spunky monkey
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female
reader, feralfox +, writes (1 January 2012):
I can really relate to this question... not because I have ever been a mother, but because I am adopted and my sister is my parents' biological child. My father does a wonderful job of treating us equally, and loves us both. I know my mother loves us both too, but when I was younger I used to wonder all the time if my mother loved my sister more... not necessarily because of who were were as people, but because she is connected to her by blood.
My mother did treat us differently... I had a lot of independence. My sister was coddled. I mistook this for favoritism, but really I think that this is because my sister and I are COMPLETELY different people, and therefor my parents had to raise us in different ways, and show their love in different ways.
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 December 2011):
 OH and there is a movie about this exact thing... it's called "Sophie's Choice"
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 December 2011):
I have two boys... and when I was YOUR age I asked the same questions.I asked my mom "if we were all in a boat and it tipped over who would you save me, my brother or daddy?" I was forever destroyed when my mother said "daddy I can always have more children"It's pretty clear as adults watching another family who does not stifle their words, that every parent has their favorite... in my ex husband's family mom favors my ex and dad favors his brother... the other parent picks on the "less loved" child more than the loved child... now granted we are talking about grown men with their own children so it's a playful thing... but I am sure it was a toned down version growing up...When I would put my children to sleep at night (they had separate rooms) I would say to Son A... You are my favorite insert name here. he would smile and go to sleep. then I'd go to child b and say "you are my favorite insert child's name and he would say "mom I"m your only child b name" in MY case child A is emotionally disturbed and lives in a group home and will never be a fully functional adult... so I will not give you my answers.... but I will say that you love all the children you have to the best of your ability... NO parent (other than me) would answer the question you asked. and NEVER ask mom... it will kill her even if she will not give you an answer it's going to hurt her just to hear it asked.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Assuming that the age bracket you've posted in is accurate for your age, I'm wondering if you're worried that your parents have different "levels" of love for different members of your family??I can honestly tell you that if the situation ever arose where a "choice" had to be made which child lived or died, as a mother, it wouldn't matter what or which child, I'd give my own life without a millisecond's hesitation. A mother's love is deep and visceral. Yes, it's possible to favor the "easier" parenting experience, meaning that the child who is more compliant, less demanding, more academically or otherwise gifted might seem to be the one who's favored. Rest assured, however, that that deep love even spreads to those children who might be more of a challenge to raise.Also, feelings and favorings do change as time and people grow and evolve. But favoring the qualities of a child is not the same as loving them more. Given the choice between a kid who helps around the house, is cheerful, thoughtful, and studious versus a troublemaker who trashes their house, is mean to their siblings and frequently gets their parents called out of work to the school to deal with their child, they'd favor the less difficult of the two experiences. But that isn't the same as loving them. Both children would be loved deeply.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): Healthy Adults- Parents- understand unconditional love. They love all their Children and each child on an individual basis for who they are as an individual. With this, when they are honest and just people; they do NOT play favourites or have favourites.My Children couldn't even answer such a question other than maybe my youngest who is about to turn 3 years old. They might say I love him 'more' due to he is the youngest and they witness how I am with him and not recall I was just the same in my praise, hugs, kisses with them. Hes easier to pick up, swing around and smother with kisses as he's not 19, 17, 12, 10. Doesn't mean I don't attack the others to hug and kiss them; just they get embarassed about it and say stop.I would lay down my life for any of them. Teen daughters just responded no. They KNOW I don't have a favourite. I have never said otherwise or shown otherwise.Whew!
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Both my Mother and Father loved me more than any of my (4) brothers and sister. I'd guess it happens all the time....
Good luck....
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reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 I dont think so. I know that for parents, all children are alike and there can never be a choice.
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reader, CindyCares +, writes (31 December 2011):
 I am the mother of an only child, so I would not know for sure.
But I think it's perfectly normal to have a favourite, or favourites, among more siblings. We are human, we can't help to have preferences , also for people, and it's normal to prefer who is more similar to you, or you get along with better , or gives you the least hard time etc.
Maybe I am idealistic and I want to believe a parent LOVES all his children the same and would prove it when and where it counts, he'd protect them all the same, assist and help them all the same when they need it, he'd miss them all the same when they are afar, etc. But as for LIKING one better than others- it happens all the time !, whether they want to admit it or not.
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reader, dougbcoll +, writes (31 December 2011):
 as far as having to decide in the choosing of which child to pick to live and which child to pick to let die. NO , that could not happen with me and i cannot picture any parent in their right mind picking one child over the other to live or die now to the question of loving one child more than the other, i see it is not loving one child more than the other but maybe having a favorite over the other. the parent likes the way one child obeys , and the other gives the parents trouble all day long. one may have a personality , actions, or cuteness that the parent chooses over the other. but as far as love one child less , i say no. i believe a good parent would lay down their life for both children. i hope this may help, parents are not perfect. they make mistakes like everybody . we all fall down, and have to dust our selves off. raising kids is a tough job , and you only get one shot at it. the bad thing about being a parent is they have to wonder if are they doing a good enough job or not, and some day look back and wonder if they did a good enough job.
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reader, butterfliesarefree  +, writes (31 December 2011):
I have two children and, although I love them bother the same I don't always LIKE them the same.
My youngest is very naughty and a complete handful whereas my oldest is very good natured and always does as she's told howver they are both my children and I can't expect them to be the same they are different people with different qualities and personalities.
I could never pick which one of my children lived/died sorry but that is horrid that you could think that.
Maybe you should see a therapist
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): No I couldn;t answer a question like that. No it's not normal to love one child over another, It is however normal to have a favourite, or favor one more than another, but that doesn;t mean you love one more than the other simply you get along better with one over the other. It's a bit like my Dad and I, we got along very well and always did, we had a lot in common. my brother however didn't get along with him that well, they had very little in common. Our father definitely favored me, which wasn't fair at all on my brother, but it's how it happened, where as my Mum and my brother got along really well (they are alike) and I don't get along with her as well. I hope this helped explain it in some way.
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