A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,About a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend. We were together for about 1,5 years. The first years everything was fine, but in the last six months all of a sudden she felt the need to live the life of a single female, while basically keeping me around for the comfort and security to be found in a dedicated relationship./ She did lots of things behind my back and ended up cheating on me several times. I first had my suspicions, which were later confirmed by people I trust my life to. Long story short: I treated her like a princess, she decided to treat me like dirt.After months of trying to reason with her I packed my bags and left, got myself a new apartment. While leaving I even left a lot of stuff behind so she wouldn't be left with nothing, despite the fact I had paid for nearly everything in the place we shared before.About four months later she contacts me, asking if we can meet up and talk. We meet, she tells me how her life sucks now that she's on her own and begs me to give her another chance. Being the kind of person that tries to see the good in everyone, I decide to stay in contact and see how it goes. Sort of dating again on a trial basis.This lasted a few weeks. She wanted to be together but never seemed to have any time. Basically we saw each other maybe once a week for an intimate encounter and when the fun was over, she would just leave. No significant quality time. The last time this happened I talked to her about how it is important to put in time and effort if you want a relationship to succeed. I wanted to be more than just a booty call. She thanked me by stealing the contents of my wallet (which was quite a bit) while I was in the shower. After a fight I kicked her out and swore to never waste another moment of my life on her again.Fast forward three months. She contacts me again and tells me how sorry she was for all the crap she did and how she regrets not being able to change the past and that I was the best thing that ever happened to her and no other guy could compare and the likes. After two weeks of sending messages I agreed to meet her. Just to talk.The moment I meet her, she is all lovedovey, hugs me, kisses me, holds my hand, tells me how much she missed me... Basically behaving like we're back together again and nothing ever happened.I know I should be pissed at her and run for the hills but for some reason I just can't seem to do that with this girl. As soon as I see her smile, all is forgiven. I'm pretty sure she knows this. I'm actually angry at myself for letting her back into my life, but I just can't seem to direct it towards her.Is this normal? Has anyone else ever had this? Should I just change my phone number and get her out of my life for good? Any advice on how to deal with this?I'm probably just writing this to get it out of my system and make sense of my own emotions and figure out whether I'm just a big gullible pushover. I would appreciate any advice and comments though.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): She knows you are a pushover and thats why she gets back to you. You need to laugh in her face and say goodbye. If you dont then you must enjoy it.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 December 2011):
 Wow, no , that's not normal, and I suspect that you think very negative things about yourself as a romantic perspective, and your self esteem sort of must have gone AWOL even before you got together with this girl. You might be an ace at work, or a shining star socially, but I think that all in all you think you have to put up with crap because who'd take ya if you weren't.
People puts up with a lot of things for love- or lust - and , in a way , that's the beauty of being in love- or lust :). It makes us better persons, more tolerant and forgiving... up to a point though ! There are lines that MUST never be crossed, otherwise it is not a relationship, it's sheer abuse. People may have different opinions about what it is to cross the line, but I think everybody in the world would agree that stealing your wallet while you are under the shower,.... well, it's a big no-no. A deal breaker that no amount of loveydoveyness can compensate.
You don't need to hate her, you don't need to be angry at her, in fact, forgiveness may be the mature, compassionate way to go. Someone who acts like that must really be messed up and maybe is more to be pitied than condemned.
But, you can forgive her - and get her out of your life . Fast. Like, today ?
If you can't do that by sheer logic and self discipline, well, I would look into counseling, right away , because it seems your big problem is not that she does not respect you, it's that you don't respect yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): Yes I have had someone in my life like that, and it sucks to be honest.The thing I found is that people who do this know that all is forgiven when you see them, and they use that against you so they can keep treating you like garbage. They may not exactly intend on doing it, but they do it anyway. I went and changed my number, email address and every contact information I had and got this person out of my life for good.I had to because it is not healthy for you to be going through this. You don't need to be angry with her or yourself, just be strong and keep telling yourself it is for the best that you delete her from your life. She will keep stealing from you and hurting you because she knows she can get away with it, the only way to stop it is to stop letting her get away with it and get rid of her from your life. It will hurt, and be hard, but in the long run it will be the best thing for you.
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