A
male
age
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*admaxx
writes:I am in love with a woman who at times is the highlight of my life. We have one son together and she has one son from a previous relationship. Is it normal for a woman to want to go away with her father and my sons on a regular basis( vacations, holidays etc.) and leave me behind? I feel as though we should be the family but this man has some kind of stranglehold on them. When I asked if I could go with I was told I'm going with my family. Now I would never think of going away without them, or going away with the boys and my mother or father and not including her. Now I've never had any sisters or daughters and I'm just not sure if this is a common thing or not? Any help would be appreciated, Thanks all.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): No it isnt. I would suggest there is somthing very strange going on. Do you find your partner is very close to her father e.g. he sidles up to her, they sleep in the same room, lots of kissing? I think he may be insesting upon certain things. Personally I would get out quick. She sounds very dodgy.
A
male
reader, madmaxx +, writes (16 August 2007):
madmaxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You all that last answer and TY was from me I was not logged in.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): Thank You all for the advice some I find very helpful some not so, as for the comment he's paying for it, to some extent that's great, but it just coincides with times I have available for vaca and holidays too. Oh and I can afford to take them with me. Regarding is he divorced, yes , for over twenty years. I appreciate all of your feedback and I guess I have already learned that this father daughter relationship is something different than a father son or father mother thing. Thank You all again your comments and advice are taken.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 August 2007):
I can understand how you find this hard to understand, because I do too. Its not something I have ever really heard of other people doing. I remember when I was a little kid, I went on a couple of holidays with my sister, mum and grandfather, without my father but that was because he couldnt get time off work. However it was my grandfathers idea to still go then and not wait for a time when my dad could get time off work. He was also paying for it.
So my best guess is that maybe your wifes father is planning these holidays.
Have a talk to her about it. Ask her why she goes on these holidays with them and ask why you arent allowed to come. Ask lots of questions so you can gt a very detailed answer to help you undersand. Also state how you feel about not being able to go. Perhaps if she understands how important it is to you, you both might be able to work something out, like you go too sometimes.
Let us know know how it goes, im curious as to why she does this...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 I'm with Kenny. This is somewhat odd.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): It does seem a little weird that she does not consider you part of her 'family' when you share a son and a life together.
Get her to explain why she goes with the boys and her dad on her own - if its because she wants the boys to share quality time with their grandfather then it maybe something you have to accept. If she explains that she wants qulity time with her 'family' then tell her how that is unfair and hurtful for you as you feel you should be considered part of her family too - since you share a son and all.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 The father is paying for it. You can go when you pay for your partner and your sons.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (16 August 2007):
Definitely ask her, afterall, she leaves with your kids too. You desreve an explanation. If she has none, then ask what she'd think if you took the kids on a family vacation and she wouldn't be allowed to come with.
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A
female
reader, lisarocksyoursocksoff  +, writes (15 August 2007):
 is her father single/widowermaybe she's just trying to ensure that her father is felt loved and that he can spend some quality time with his daughter and grandchildrenmaybe you could sit her down and explain that you'd also lik eot go on vacation with herbut what she is doing at the mo just sounds as tho she is spenindg quality time with her father.as my parents are divorced, and i'm very close ot my mother i can see her perspective.but i do insist you speak to her about your involvment somewhere
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (15 August 2007):
 I would start by asking her why she feels the need to go without you? I can understand her wanting to spend time with her Dad, one-on-one which could include his grandson but she could easily meet him for lunch or dinner each week so they can spend some alone-time. I used to do this with my own Dad when he was alive, and I simply enjoyed chatting with him alone for a couple of hours over lunch. But I think the vacations are kind of weird. I'm wondering if her Dad doesn't really like you, and therefore it's his idea that you not be included. At any rate, she shouldn't be letting her Dad make this decision for her, or excluding you. You need to simply tell her what you've told us - that you would never consider leaving her behind on a vacation and you're hurt by her actions. Hopefully she'll see the light. I wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (15 August 2007):
 I don't think there is anything wrong with her wanting to go away with her family as a one off. I do however think that it is quite strange that she goes on a regular basis, taking vacations, holidays and leaving you behind. Have you ever asked her why she does not want you going with them?. I think this is very odd behaviour and you have got to sit down and talk to her about this. Its not on that you get left behind while they jet off to soak up the sun somewhere. I think you deserve a explanation as to why she does this, and soon.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): My girlfriend and I have been taking an annual vacation together, sans any children or significant others, for 20 years. I need to get away from my partner once in a while, although he never feels the need to get away. To us, this is absolutely normal, and to me, necessary.
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