A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I found chatting communication of my boyfriend and girls on the net. We just bought a house and talking about having kids. Those conversations, were recent and he was initiating them. To girls he chatted long time ago. Last year he had sexual conversation, and always ask to see pictures of those girls. I told him that I saw this. Now he doesnt have trust in me and I dont toward him.Should I move on, or try to trust him again?anonymous CAN
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): Hello i am the anonymous CAN that asked the question,
thank you very much, I needed this, i needed to see what others were thinking, even if deep inside I know, when trust isnt there, it will fall soon or later. I love him so much, its not easy, we have been togheter for 2 years and the house was our first dream. We just got it 4 months ago. For the baby for sure we'll wait. I'm too much dependant of him, that's killing me. We are still togheter, as he does'nt let me go, he is just a big baby and me too i guess. I need more thinking and talking with him to make the final decision and see what is in our heart. I also know that i will have trouble to forget about this. grrr..... thank you very much for your answers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): I have the same problem with my boyfriend and find myself unsure about what to do. I asked him today If I could see his call log in his phone JUST to prove me wrong about talking to other women! and he said he wouldnt show me because he knows hes not doin anything. Well I know Im not a complete idiot and he could have proved me wrong to just show me and prove it but he wouldnt. So Im left to believe I still cant trust him and eventually this will grow old and I will have to move on. Ive been with him for over two years we live together, talked about getting married,looked at the rings and all, and talked about having kids. I catch him chatting online alot I dont know what hes saying but it annoys me. I know in my heart already what I need to do you probably do too. :)
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (16 August 2007):
I would say move on. This guy is trying to place the blame on you. Instead of steping up, being a man and admitng that it was wrong of him to have such conversations with other females, he is shifting the focus towards what you did...which might be called 'snooping' or 'invading his privacy'...whatever. The point is, if he has nothing to hide, he shoudlnt care. He should be open about having other people read this messages and so on. BUt obviously he doesnt haev somethign to hide and be guilty about.
I would def move on from this situation, although it may be hard, especialy since you were considering havign kids together, you must be quite serious. However think about it, do you really want a partner and someone to father your children who cant admit when hes done something wrong? Instead he goes on about how he cant trust you.
He woudlnt be setting a good example for your children.
And like my mother has recently said to me after a bad break up...be thankful you hadnt had kids with the guy yet..that would complicate things A LOT more. Get out while you can, where there are no one elses feelings, but yoruself and his involved.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Move on, a broken trust will always be a broken trust and can never be repaired. The question is can you tolerate a broken trust? Most people say they can but over time it eats away at the ego and self esteem. Trust your gut and don't be swayed.
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A
female
reader, downinthedumps  +, writes (16 August 2007):
ello i to came home frm a night out wiv a few m8s i came in and fount out my partner had been on cam and added a girl m8s that he was speaking to before we got bk together when we got bk together i told him to keep on talking to them if he had nothing to hide but he told me that he y would he want to talk wiv them when he had me and he said that he would nt like it done to him casue we both get really jealous so we said we would nt do it aso a came home expectin him to be awake i walked in and my cam was plugged in and the phone was on the side i pressed redial and a woman anwsered and i asked who it was and she said and then i asked if she knew my b/f and she said no i was fummin cause i just had a gut intinct that it was not right and i ended it now i am wondering wether i over reacted he is a jealous person the same as me the thing is he said nothin flirty happened but i feel cheated on and dont trust him and y do i feel so bad about doing wot i done he said if i had not of gone out then it would not have happened he said because i went out and he thought i was flirtin and the thing is he is the only guy i have been faithfull to and put my heart into it but he still dont trust me and i am jealous i feel so mixed up
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Hi there,
I've been in your situation myself and know only too well how this affects a relationship....not nice!
I seem to have solved the problem by downloading a chat logger on my home network, I told my husband it was there and told him should I ever find anything remotely suspicious his butt would hit the kerb, to take his chances if he so wished...I meant it and still do, but so far so good.
I know many will say this is invasion of privacy, but people who intimately chat online and decieve their partners are betraying trust in the first place, it was self preservation in my case as I couldn't deal with the situation emotionally.
However you decide to deal with it is ultimately up to you, but don't put up with it!
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): I agree with everybody and with kenny that he is playing you for a fool. When you find out that he is doing something horrible, he gets defensive and turns the whole thing around to try to make you look like the bad guy, that he can't trust you???? That's ridiculous. The only one guilty here is him. And worse of all, he is not even trying to acknowledge that. What you did isn't even a tiny fraction as bad as what he did. But that's what he wants to make you believe. He is playing games with your mind. You should definitely move on. No question.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (15 August 2007):
 I would move on unless the two of you can agree that you've both sinned and promise not to let it continue. Of course, that's going to take alot of courage on your part and I'd probably be tempted to check up on him once or twice in the future just to make sure he's keeping up his end of the bargain. Unfortunately, you run the risk of having him find out that you snooped on him and thus the cycle of mistrust starts all over again. If you can both admit that what you did was wrong, and harmful to your relationship, you may be able to start anew. If not, then it's probably time to move on.
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A
female
reader, sadnmpty +, writes (15 August 2007):
ive been married 2 years and have a set of twins that are 2 i recently found out my husband and friend of 7 years was having relations with my best friend! I think maybe now that you have found out early maybe you should get out of it ...i wish id of known this was going to happen before the house and kids came along!!GOOD LUCK
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (15 August 2007):
 I think he is playing you for a fool, he is instigating sexual conversations with other women over the net. Can you go on like this knowing what he is doing?. So consequently he does not trust you, and you don't trust him. And trust is what relationships are built on, if you have not got this its like building a house without the foundations, it will eventually fall.
I say move on and find someone else, but then thats just my opinion, you must of course do what you feel in your heart of hearts is right.
All the best xx
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (15 August 2007):
 Hi
I would get rid, unless you dont mind sharing him. He doesnt sound at all ready for being monogomous, even if its only chat on the net. I certainly dont think its normal.
Move in & have children with this guy?
And he doesnt trust you? Hang on a mo? *shakes my head*
What a bozo :o(
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2007): I missed something here...why doesn't he trust you? I understand why you don't trust him, he is cheating on you. He needs to promise to NEVER do this again and mean it! You trusted him and he broke your trust in him, this may take time to get past. If he cannot or will not stop this, you must move on.
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