A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How bad has porn addiction got to be before you dump someone? I would like to hear other people's stories.... I had a bit of trouble with my boyfriend at the beginning I know he's not as bad as my first boyfriend but he masturbated everyday he didn't see me but claimed he was looking at women who looked like me and thought about us. It's possibly exaggerated. He said he had an addiction but surely that means addicted to looking at them without thinking of me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012): Addiction is probably the wrong word. I'm a man, I masturbate. Sometimes I masturbate when I cant sleep. Honestly wan*ing will put me right out. But its not an addiction, its just something we do. Its part of the routine, its taking a shower almost.
I think in the end you've got to ask yourself what is it about your boyfriend watching porn when you are not together that bothers you so much?
How does it damage your relationship?
Is maturbation really a dealbreaker?
Is it even a big deal?
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 It's The Kinsey Institute. McKinsey is a consulting company. Sorry but your opinion from your group of friends does not trump the 10s of thousands of data points in the Kinsey Institute studies (which are not out of date, they were mostly done in 2010).
The Kinsey Institute is widely thought of as the most respected institute for studying sexual behavior. They not only have numbers on men and women who use porn and who masturbate, but also have it broken down by age (doesn't vary much for men, varies a lot for women). While there's always the potential for variability, it's highly unlikely that the actual statistic is significantly different from the numbers they present given the large sample sizes they use. The internet, and certainly this website in particular, self-selects a certain type of person but that is not representative of the entire population.
The numbers they present are that depending on age approximately 60-70% of men masturbate, approximately 50-60% of women masturbate, around 30% of women use pornography and around 70% of men do. There was once a somewhat small survey about sexual fantasy done (only several hundred men and women) but it found that women are much more likely to fantasize during masturbation than men and that ~85% of men usually fantasize while ~15% do not. All of these number match up pretty well with almost every other peer-reviewed study I've seen and with the men and women I've talked to about such things. Generally the men who masturbate often and the men who use porn are very insistant that the other men must all be lying despite all evidence to the contrary.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): After 12 years in a relationship with a man who is addicted to porn we have finally separated. Don't let it go on this long!! There is nothing wrong with porn in a healthy relationship as long as both partners are comfortable with it. When the porn is a 'secret' and your partner seems to prefer watching it than paying any attention to you, to the point that he doesn't touch you unless he has been watching it then this is a bad thing! This indicates an immature sexuality, don't let him make you feel like an object, you deserve better!! That said, if it isn't a serious addiction, try watching it with him, if that doesn't work out then I would suggest that you are not suited. Believe me not all men use porn in this way.
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A
male
reader, MrWombat  +, writes (21 May 2012):
 How much say do you have over his sexuality? Do you own him? Are you gatekeeper of his cock? Says who? Would you let him tell you not to read "romance" novels?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 May 2012):
Your boyfriend is using the term addiction the same way other men use the term "all men do ____." As a way to remove his personal responsibility for his actions. He is not addicted. There is nothing in your question that makes me think he is addicted. He is simply doing something you dislike and wants to pretend he has no choice in the matter when he does.If porn is something you dislike, you need to calmly talk to him about it. If he is unwilling to stop and it's something you hate, then you may need to leave the relationship. I have many links on my profile that you might find helpful in this situation.As a side note, no not all men masturbate, and certainly not daily. According to the Kinsey institute only 60-70% of men masturbate regularly. Also the majority of men who do masturbate do not do so daily. Also not all men actually think about things when they masturbate, some do it as a kind of "meditation." Though most people who masturbate do fantasize.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 May 2012):
 I think if he rather masturbate then spend time with you or have sex with you, the relationship is over. I don't think it can get much "worse" then that.
I think most guys (and plenty of women) masturbate daily, yet they are still able to have have sex, be intimate and spend time with their partner.
If you really resent porn, you ought to tell him. He may not stop watching it, but he might be a little more respectful around you. (as in, watch it when you are not there).
I seriously doubt anyone (male or female) ONLY think of their partner when they get themselves off. It's called fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): Why do you ask?
What difference does other peoples opinions have?
West1000 is 100% correct OP no guy is will ever only masturbate thinking of you. We will fantasize about other women too, porn or not.
"How bad has porn addiction got to be before you dump someone?"
That's a no-brainer, if it was having a negative effect on our relationship and she refused to resolve that.
But I use porn and so does my partner and we have a very healthy relationship, so it will never be an issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2012): Men will come up with a million and one BS excuses as to why they continue to watch porn when they are in a relationship, married, etc. and the ones who can't control their viewing and have a problem with it are unable to see it, and remain in denial.
If the porn usage is hurting your relationship, damaging and dimishing, which should be a healthy and often sex life between the two of you....well, you have to decide...do you want a million and two excuses? Is that the kind of life you want with your partner? Do you want a man who is putting porn above you?
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