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female
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anonymous
writes:My boyfiend of 5 years is a handy man on the side I have asked him to paint my kitchen and he said he would give me an estimate Is it unfair to ask him to do it for free or what is a reasonable labor cost? I dont mind paying but.... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2010): Dear Lonely Two. You picked a dud don't tar the rest of us with the same brush. Some of us are decent, caring, loving people who would only be too happy to return a favour in kind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Brunel you are as much of a dork as the boyfriend this post is about. For god's sake the couple have been together for 5 years of course he should be doing it for free. Your answer suggests you've never had a long term relationship. I pity anyone who is silly enough to be involved with someone so selfish as yourself!!
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reader, TimmD +, writes (7 April 2010):
 5 years? Cost shouldn't even come up. He should WANT to do it for you. Now if it was a family member of yours (brother, sister, parents) then I can see the discussion of cost coming up. For you? No cost. But that's just my opinion...
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reader, Brunel  +, writes (7 April 2010):
I would not want to go out with you you are only worried about your kitchen. Hardly romantic are you, what is the ceiling like in the bedroom does that need a coat?
Let us hope he does not see this otherwise he will not be back?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): wait and see what the estimate is for before you get your drawers in a wad. If he is charging for labor, then you should ask him if he thinks you should charge for your skills. Every meal, any laundry, etc. 5 years is a long time, and if the estimate covers labor i say he doest want to do it. I would advise you to hire someone else even if the cost is a bit more. Anything else will only breed trouble.
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reader, lonesum dove +, writes (7 April 2010):
 ok now... are you cooking for him not only in the kitchen but in the bedroom lol , but on a seroius note what is going on with our men these days, back in the day when my dad and uncles was coming up they didnt ask for payment it was done because that was the gentleman thing to do.Its funny my best friend and I was just today talking about the different between the men today and the men in the past, no offense to you gentelmen, I am the youngest child my brother want to charge me two five zero to unclog my drain where a older gentelmen that i only known for a few months wanted less than half.its ever thing about money... I know we are in a recession ok cant blame it on the recession anymore lol
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 I think it is unfair to ask him to do it for free. That is taking advantage of him.
A fair wage for a fair work. If he does not work for you , he could be somewhere else making the same amount of money.
Also if you asked somebody to do that job, you still have to pay for it.
You should offer to pay him as requested and whether he wants to accept the full payment is his decision.
It would be nice if he only accept the cost of those materials and provide free labour.
It would show his love for you .
If he comes and paint your kitchen after working hours , he should not charge you for the labour.
This is a test of your b/f's commitment, sincerity and love for you .
Do not think of him as your b/f and do as though you are hiring a contractor for the job.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Well, if he meant labor his chivalry score goes wayyyyyy down. I agree with Miamine.
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reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Agreed, pay for paint, labour should be free.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): you should pay for the paint.. but i would expect him to do the job for free!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): my dad is a builder and just does things to help those he loves and cares about for free - he's built walls and knocked them down, fixed windows and fences, built patios and done a million other things i can't remember but am still grateful for. Not only has he done this for my mum (his ex wife) and me but for my aunts and his current wife etc etc. He never charges and we wouldn't expect him to either - if he can do it, is willing to do it and has the time then why not? We are family and we love each other. I think your boyfriend is out of line wanting to charge, sure paint etc is okay but for his labour, no way - plus, what he does, you can pay him back in the bedroom for, wink wink :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Of course he should do it for free!! If you want to show your appreciation you can cook him a nice meal in your lovely new kitchen when he's finished, as a thank you gesture! You're in a relationship so he should help you out. Partners/husbands & wives/long term GF/BF etc are not supposed to charge each other money for this sort of thing. I do know a guy who charged his GF for painting her marital home before she and her estranged husband sold it but that was because it was half the home of her husband and they both husband and wife stood to make a profit from it but when she moved to her own place after the house was sold, he helped her decorate it free of charge and bought her a large screen tv.
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reader, raiders +, writes (7 April 2010):
 I would pay for the supplies but no way would I pay for the labor I mean you guys have been together for 5 years.
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reader, Mercutio6 +, writes (7 April 2010):
Hopefully he's joking. In my opinion, after 5 years together he's obligated to do it for free. Odds are you haven't charged every time you have helped him out.
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reader, A Man +, writes (7 April 2010):
K, I'm a guy, and I'm telling you that your boyfriend did a douchebag thing. OF COURSE he should do it for free! If you hadn't been together for so long, I'd think he might feel used, but not after 5 years!
Tell him you think it's rotten and that he should do it for free. Offer to pay for the paint and supplies, but the labor should certainly be free of charge. If he's really busy and low on funds, I could see him pulling that. But he should have just told you he couldn't afford the time or loss of money.
I'd like to talk to you about something. Does he own his own business? I hate to say it, but a lot of small business owners tend to be selfish and greedy. It's hard not to be when you need to survive in the business world. But he should leave that at work. If he is being selfish and greedy with you, dump him now before you have to divorce him later.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Is he talking about the labor or the paint?
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reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 An interesting person your boyfriend he's given me some ideas. I'm a hairdresser and I always have to cut my families hair for free. Mmmm maybe I'll start charging now. Seriously though I would have thought if you were willing to help him with the job he would have been more than willing to do it for you for free. None of my friends boyfriends or husbands charge their signifcant others when asked to do a job that falls into their skill category.
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reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
5years.... and he wants payment for helping you out... this boyfriend would be so "gone out of my life", what's the point of being together if you don't help one another and try to make each other happy?
Get someone else to do the job, if you pay him, you'll resent him forever and keep throwing it back in his face.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 April 2010):
Well it would be nice if he did it for free, wouldn't it? My girlfriend has asked me to do a few things in her house (I'm a plumber), and wanted to pay. I wouldn't accept the money. Perhaps it's worth reconsidering the relationship.
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