A
female
age
36-40,
*emzy*
writes:is it best to stay friends after a break up or is it better to sever all ties? my ex and i were very close and he often said i was his best friend as well as girlfriend! We broke up amicably and he said he wanted us to be like ross and rachel i.e ending up together! However i get the impression now that he would rather stay friends,which would mean seeing him move on and be with someone else! I just dont know if i could handle that, i know i will probably move on eventually but he will always have a special place in my heart, would it be easier to sever all ties? thanks a bunch love *emzy*
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I personally see being friends is not the right thing to do. Have some respect for yourself and the other person and just let it go. Because, no one can have a friendship with the opposite sex. There will come a time in yours or the other persons relationship where you might start talking about your relationship problems and it is easy to fall into that same phase. It might not seems so bad at first but then you see that the person has changed. It is just a sticky place to be in. I find it hard to release my feeling that I have from ex's that I had a good relationship with.
A
male
reader, aftamath96 +, writes (19 September 2007):
No one is ment to be alone. And it wouldnt be wrong to see someone els, I think it'd be a good thing, a start to moving on with your life. If nothing els seeing someone els would confirm to you if you made the right choice leaving your ex. ITS NOT WRONG TO MOVE ON!
If your feeling your gonna be alone forever..what I would do is suround myself with faimly and close freinds, so that I felt wanted n needed. I truley belive that no one is alone even tho it feels like you are sometimes.
Heres hoping all gets better n you find that special someone soon......all the best Gaz
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A
female
reader, little miss helpful +, writes (19 September 2007):
 i think it is better to stay friends than nothing at all. and yeah you're right - he will move on, but when things dont go right it will be you he will come running to and that will make you closer and stronger. if you really care about him you would rather have him as a friend then nothing at all. and who knows staying as friends you might endup like ross and rachel no one knows what the future holds but you can make sure it has him in it friend or boyfriend. you will always be close you have got a special bond clearly. hope i could help hun take care. xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I was with a guy for 9 years and we were more like best friends than lovers towards the end of our relationship... I had hoped we could stay friends and be civil towards each other but sadly it was lovers or nothing... Its sad that after such a long time we couldn't be friends but its his decision as I made the effort to say hi when I see him but he just completely blanks me!!!
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A
female
reader, *emzy* +, writes (19 September 2007):
*emzy* is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks guys,
im just very confused at the moment my head is telling me to stay away as it would be easier, i just feel like i need to be near him sometimes! I am not going to make any contact with him, i will let him come to me if he wants to talk, and i will be civil! I will make it clear that for me it has to be a closed door on the ever getting back together! Maybe in the future we will run into each other again and it will have been meant to be! But deep down i know that is very unlikely and i am meant to be with someone else!!!!!!!!!!! I just need some confirmation on wether i will be okay and meet someone else! At the moment i feel i will be alone forever! any advice? thanks a bunch love from*emzy*
p.s i think this website needs some smilies!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Hi agree with the last few postings. Im in the middle of a break up myself and he asked to remain friends? whats that about any how?? I dont know? and I also feel its a security blanket for them to have an in to come back to so to speak if the feelings change.
Part of me wants to hold onto the friendship as I love him so much but the other part of me says HELL NO !! this is not right, he cant have it both ways..
Forgive my bluntness but for me the pain is too much right now, im a strong girl but still my heart is broken and im crushed.
To have him as a friend would be torture if he started dating someone else.
I couldnt do it, my 2 cents take time to get over him, if your like me it will take some time but eventually I hope and pray ill feel better about it.
Right now im down big time but you have to pick up the pieces and go on.
Good luck and remember your blessed and loved always.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): I agree with all the posts. The love of my life and my very good friend broke up with me 25 years ago. We were at different places in our lives and there was a big age difference, me much younger. We did remain friends though not at first. You really have to have your space to get over your feelings, otherwise, it's just torture on you and very confusing and you don't get through the natural grieving process. That took about a year for me. I did go to his wedding two years after we broke up. We've been out to lunch a few times over the years, exchanged Christmas cards, called to assist with business issues and have supported each other's children's ventures. I will say he is not a good friend but I know if I needed him for something he would help me and I would help him. His wife is comfortable with me (she even helped me with my career wardrobe) but my ex-husband thought I was nuts. I will say that there are several other men I dated that I have not a clue where they are nor do I care. Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, xxmissxx +, writes (19 September 2007):
 I think you should remain friends if its a mutual agreement.
Iv been able to remain close friends with someone i dated for about 6 months, we did lose contact although we were friends.
If you care enough to consider him a friend then youd want him in your life as a friend than not at all.
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A
male
reader, aftamath96 +, writes (19 September 2007):
I think that its always going to be hard when you split up with someone..but even harder to be freinds with someone whom you shared a special time of your life with.. I think at first if you truly dont want a relashionship together then distance will help you get over it. Im not saying dont be freinds at all . because its always going to be hard to lose someone who youve shared so much with. But if you realy want to get over the hurt then even if just for a while no contact would be a good thing.Maybe sometime later you both will stop hurting and can be freinds again ..all the best gaz
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I would sever all ties at least until your both over the heartache. If you continue to hang out you aren't allowing either yourself or him the chance to move on.
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A
female
reader, On Cloud9 +, writes (18 September 2007):
 I would recommend a complete break initially to allow you time to heal and get over him in your own time and way and it would be difficult to do this effectively if he was still around.
You could always be friendly to him i.e. acknowledging him when you meet in street etc, but I think that is as far as you can go. It is sad but it is sadder when you have to unnecessarily prolong your healing process longer than you have to.
It crossed my mind also that he may want you to remain friends with him so you could be a bit of a security blanket for him, by that I mean, if he changes his mind he can have you back. This is not really very fair on you, so I again would suggest you make a clean break and move on with your life and don't be a 'plan B' for him.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2007): I personally cannot be friends with someone I love who I just broke up with. If I did, it would be real fake. A break up would hurt me a lot. And I am a real person and I have trouble pretending that I am ok with something when clearly I am not. If I love someone I could not watch them be with another girl and be like "oh, hell, we are just friends. I am fine with it." No way. I can't do that. And chances are I would never be able to be just friends with anybody I have dated if I really loved them and saw a future with them. Even years later, I couldn't.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (18 September 2007):
 Hi
If you had deep feelings it might not be possible for a while yet. I managed to stay friends with most exes and always have contact now n then to see how we are doing, but its usually impossible for a few months atleast. After that it can be great. As long as you are both cool with it.
Good luck.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (18 September 2007):
 It's almost always impossible at first. Maybe a year later or so, you'll find your way back to some sort of middle ground of friendship but at the beginning of the break-up, it's best to cut the tie and try to heal. And the thing is, a year later, you may be able to handle the "friendship" and not be hurt when you see him out with someone else, but by then, you'll most likely be seeing someone else, and they'll wonder why you're still friends with someone you once loved, and it'll create problems in your new relationship. You don't have to be enemies, but the whole friendship thing will never really work out in the long run.
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