A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Why do I constantly feel inadequate or inferior to other people? I never think that I am better than them even if I have a nicer personality or am prettier etc. And I really hate it when im with a guy and I know his ex's and they are pretty. I constantly feel 'below' people. why is this? and what can I do to stop it?
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): It is probably partly genetic but also cultural. Like when I was young I was really outgoing and confident happy child. I wasn't afraid of anything or of people. But my mom left when I was 8 and it was just my dad rasing me and my sis. Whereas my mom had always been unjudgmental and supportive and encouraging my dad wasn't. Now that I am older I realise that he has a chip on his shoulder. He was probably raised to be judgmental on himself and so I always felt like he was like that with me. So I developed super inferiority complex after my mom left. Low self esteem. Anti social. Very scared of being judged and being wrong. To this day I still have a lot of resentment toward my dad. I have had to go to therapy.
I always feel that had my mom not left I would have developed more properly. But my sister was never affected by my dad. So you see it is both genetic and social. I must have gotten the gene but it only affected me when my dad affected it after my mom left. To be honest, I have never really gotten better.
I don't know how to get rid of those feelings cause they are placed in you at a very young age usually by parents (in my case, my dad). Maybe see your school councelor? See if there is anything you can do to get better.
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (19 September 2007):
You constantly feel inadequate because you allow yourself to feel this way.
You as a person can be as attractive as you feel you are.
You say you hate it when you are with a guy when you know how pretty his ex's have been. If you stopped for one minute and said to yourself if this is the case why is he with me - you may come to the conclusion because he finds you more attractive than any of those ex's.
Your attractiveness and beauty is determined by the way others view you and you will find for every person that thinks you are gross and ugly there is another that thinks that you are the next miss world.
By what I read in your question the only thing that makes you ugly is the ugly opinion you have of yourself. If you were to start valuing yourself a little bit more you would also find the people around you would too.
Try reading some PMA books; You will find lots of the how to series which are really good in most bookshops and libraries. There are some good short novels by an author in the states called Og Mandino and reading anything by the motivational speaker Zig Zigler will get the fire in your belly stoked up again.
If you make the effort to believe in yourself you will rapidly find others believing in you as well. Your attractiveness will go up as you learn to like yourself more little by little.
...............................
A
female
reader, On Cloud9 +, writes (19 September 2007):
I used to feel like that, still get episodes now and again when I feel slightly inferior to people or I try to act a certain way to met people's expectations, then I catch myself and think 'wait a minute, im part of this universe and as welcome as any other' and that bolts me back into reality.
It all boils down to low self esteem and self worth. You probably have a negative self image and concept (image being your looks etc and concept is the position you hold in society e.g. your job etc) both of these things together make you self esteem and if one or both of them are negative then that will naturally affect your self worth.
You have to learn to love yourself, but first you have to learn to like yourself. Which you may think sounds hard but it is not. There are a lot of very good books and free online resources that will give you tips on how to improve your self esteem, starting from positive mental attitute and affirmations that you should think/say even if you don't believe them initially.
If someone says to your over and over that you are worthless then you will start to believe it, and that is what is happening, but it is you that is telling yourself over and over. That is the first thing that has to stop and by using positive thinking and affirmations you can do this.
I suggest that you hold your head up, even though you don't feel like it and remind yourself you are beautiful, exciting to be around and more importantly you deserve to be there. and smile x
...............................
|
