A
female
age
30-35,
*eized
writes:Met this guy online. First date was at his house, and yes ended up making out in his bed but no sex. Second time i was drunk and lonely. He texted and ask if i want to go over to "cuddle". again i agreed, and i ended up at his house. No sex as well.Had some argument after the two incident cause i felt used etc. I told him that i will not go to his place anymore and would he still wan to see me out of his house? He say he likes me and yes he wants to see me. We arrange for date twice, but I called it off on both occasion because I feel his not genuine on seeing me. Maybe it's because of the previous 2 "making out session" that's why i feel his purpose of seeing me is to get into my pants again. I was quite mean when i called off both date, so i apologize. He replied and told me he was annoyed blah blah blah. He's gg oversea for work, and he say we can catch up when he is back. This guy has been sticking around for about 3months. So I'm not sure if he's staying around in hope to get into my pants or he genuinely likes me, and wants to see me again.ps: he's rich and average looking. My opinion is that he can get girls easily.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 You certainly did not come across as too keen, since you blew him off for the third time. But he does not sound so keen either. He was supposed to have a " quiet one " ( week ) a month ago, and talk to you soon, then.. silence. He could not call you because his parents were in town, yeah right. As if his parents gave him a curfew, or don't let him up past his bedtime.
I guess he figured out that if you happen to be in his area and basically fall in his lap, oh well, he won't push you away kicking and screaming. But in case you want to get more than a one night stand out of this, I don't think that is going to happen.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 You canceled two dates.
then when you said you would get in touch with him you got too drunk to do so.... and again you broke your word.
if you are not playing games on purpose with this guy you are playing games subconsciously and i think you need to reflect on that.
you say you are interested but don't want to appear too interested.. how is that NOT playing games?
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 You got too drunk and forgot to message him? Come on now, you've already cancelled two dates with him and now this?
You certainly don't come across as being "too keen", you come across as not quite knowing what you want and being (sorry) a bit flakey.
If you really want to see him then yes, text him or better still phone him to arrange the "catch up". Apologise for the lack of contact at the weekend - maybe don't mention it was because you were too drunk or he might start to think you have a drinking problem!
And my advise from 20th Jan still stands - let it be a proper date this time, in public. Don't get drunk - try to get to know each other (unless you just want sex).
If a guy was behaving towards me the way you are behaving towards him, I would be extremely wary because you are being so inconistent. I would think there was some game playing or flakiness going on and I woulnd't be encouraged to meet. Sorry, just giving an honest answer.
A word of advise: cut down on the alcohol.
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A
female
reader, neized +, writes (25 February 2013):
neized is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay he's "back". Well technically I text him first, after not contacting for a month. I happen to be in his area that day so i text and say "I'm in the area and let me know if you wants to catch up, take care"He replied that his parents is in town dah dah dah so he has been busy. He mention to catch up next week instead. He text the next day and ask what am I doing for the weekend, and to let him know where I'd be. I say okay i will.In the end, i was too drunk and I forgot to message him. The conversation ended there, he didn't message me either. My friends told me I'VE BEEN playing games all this while, which I don't think i am....What should i do now? Should i mention anything about "not letting him know where i am on weekend"? Should I message him for our "catch up" this week? I think i really like this guy, but I don't know what to do from here. I don't want to seems to interested, neither do i want to look like I'm playing games (if i happen to be playing) :S
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 February 2013):
You really blew it. two dates in a row you canceled.
not good.
YOU owe him a huge apology.
BEST advice... do not text him... call him and say I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY for behaving like an idiot... can I take you out to dinner one night next weekend to make it up to you?
see what he says... from there you will know what to do.
if he says yes.. go for dinner.. take him somewhere nice and pay for it...
if he says no... or he hesitates and says I'll get back to you or anything else... say "great" and LET IT GO.. he's done.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (1 February 2013):
Im going to give you a spoiler. You are nothing more to him than an high-five to his friends. Proceed accordingly.
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A
female
reader, neized +, writes (1 February 2013):
neized is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOkay I think he has really "checked out". I msged him after and his reply was COLD. As my last post, he say he will be back the week after, which means this week. He was vague on which day he'd be back and stuff. He did not whatsapp me at all though he's online :(
I'm kinda sad because if I didn't call of the second date I dunno how things will turn out. But FYI, I called off second date because he pushed back the time to meet and some other stuff so i got pissed. I overreacted, next day text but he was "cold".
What should I do now, let him go? I dun feel like "giving" up yet
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 January 2013):
Yes, he means he wants to have a quiet one (s) for the next few days before his trip, and you'll catch up once he is back.
Does not sound too smitten.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (22 January 2013):
 Hmmmm your problem is you have turned him down twice, therefore not surprising he is at the very least probably perplexed by your sudden keenness. A quiet few days could mean actually preparing for the trip though if it is a business or it could mean exactly that, just a few days spent resting and relaxing before a important trip. I think you are best advised to wait until he comes back now and then contact him and try and go on a proper date :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): first tip is that you met this guy online and he took you to his house for a first date? yes he is only interested in sex. I would dump him. You said he has money then why is he not taking you out ? this is another clue . my guess is this is something he dose on the down low finding girls online to sleep with. This happens a lot your not the only one to be fooled I have been there myself and no longer use online dating sites. You need to be so careful online dating because your never know who you are really talking to. Stop online dating meet men at other places and stay away from the online users. good luck to you stay safe remember you deserve a great guy :)
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A
female
reader, neized +, writes (22 January 2013):
neized is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I had issues.He say he is leaving for biz trip on Thursday and to catch up when he is back.I ask when he is coming back and that i can meet up before Thursday if he is not too busy with work. And he reply "back next week, having a quiet one the next few days"I'm not reading him! He's having a quiet one and he just want to be left alone before he travels? Or he's having a quiet one not too busy with work.I'm bad at these!
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (21 January 2013):
@neized,Same difference id say :). @Daisy_Daisy makes a valid point. The two times he has asked you out for a genuine date, you have turned him down, yet when it was at his house you said yes! You cant have your cake and eat it here I am afraid, you seem keener on the sex side of things right now than he does. If you want something more lasting why are you turning down his offers of a genuine date? That simply doesnt make sense. Im sorry but you really do owe this poor guy a huge apology. Get in touch with the man, say you were wrong to turn down his offers of a genuine date, give him a chance, the very least he deserves from you is that.
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A
female
reader, neized +, writes (21 January 2013):
neized is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys for your response! @Goodlife I don mean to ask whether he is using me for sex.. What I want to ask is whether he is sticking around to try to get into my pants.
Also he's much older than me, 12yrs diff. That's why I'm doubting him a lot..
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 January 2013):
Darrell Goodliffe is spot on here! He didn’t actually push for sex at all, you just made out which I presume you were comfortable with. So you’ve no basis for suspecting he’s using you. You might have rushed things a bit going to his place and being in a bed together but the best thing to do is to have a talk with him, discuss your feelings about sex (for example whether you’re ready or not and how he feels about it), and find out where he sees this going. You don’t want to jump to conclusions about this guy when it sounds like he may be interested in you and you obviously like him too. But accusing him of using you for sex when he’s done nothing to pressure you in to sex was out of line and, whether you stick with him or not, he is deserving of an apology.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): hes rich yet your first date was at his house, that doesnt sound right. Bit of advice especially if youve met the guy online, make sure you meet in a public place such as a meal, cinema or even a walk for the first date but myself i would not go on a first date to his house
one you could put yourself in danger as you never know he could be a murderer or a rapist and two it shows that theyre either a cheapskate or like your thinking he may just want one thing.
however, stop messing him around its not very nice! either give him a chance to prove himself or leave him be, he said he likes you what else do you want, im shocked he still wants to try with you
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A
female
reader, neized +, writes (20 January 2013):
neized is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLOL, @lazy guy. I like your answer and yes he cook something for me.. I told him before hand that nothing's gonna happen and he did get me. But after a few drinks, I got drunk and a lil out of ctrl. Lol.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (20 January 2013):
 If you have to ask, it is sex.
And really, going over to a guys house after meeting online and ending up in bed is NOT a date. It is called cheap hooker.
I mean I heard of cheap dates but the girl coming to your door for making out for the first "date"? Wow! Did he at least give you something to eat/drink first?
Your right, he can get girls easily.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (20 January 2013):
The first several dates shouldn't be at his house or at yours, if you're looking for more than sex. You didn't have to agree to go to his house either time.
Why did you cancel the next two dates? He agreed to meet in public for a proper date. I'm not surprised he was fed up about you canceling twice.
You should go on proper dates with him, restaurant, drinks, etc (don't get drunk) and don't end up at his house. Do that for several weeks or as long as you want, and if he still shows an interest, he's not just trying to get in your pants.
Why not start with a clean slate when he gets back. Date him properly, don't do anything you're not comfortable with and just take it at your own pace. You shouldn't really be angry at this stage, because you had a decision both times when you made out with him, and you willingly went along with it. It was just as much your choice as his.
Hope it all works out.
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (20 January 2013):
Hang on, you've met him, made out, but not had sex but still think he could be using you for sex? Can you see the slight logical problem with your position here? On both occasions he could have pushed further, for full sex, and got what he wanted then ditched you but didnt, presumably out of respect for you and wanting more from you than just a quick sex session. If he is using you for sex i'd say hes doing a terrible job since you have been naked before and he hasnt actually pushed you further than making out.
I think you owe this guy a huge apology to be honest. To my mind he is obviously interested in a long-term committed relationship with you but you have insulted him by suggesting otherwise with no rational grounds for your opinion at all. Maybe you have had problems in the past with being used in this way but you have to remember that this guy is not the guy who did that and to my mind has behaved properly and in a restrained and thoughtful way. Dont make the mistake of pushing him away. Get in touch, apologise and try and meet up before he goes away if you can so he doesnt leave with this negativity hanging in the air.
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