A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:What are the risks of falling for older men? I keep falling for older men, some are married and some are single. I have slept with a few of them and had intercourse. I hate being alone and I think older men know how to treat a woman, am I right doing this or should I take my families advice and look for someone my age to be with? I've never been with a man my own age, just older men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): OP the problem here isn't older men, it's the "hate being alone" desperation and desperate need for male validation that is.
I'm an older man with a younger woman, we get along fine. Haven't had any issues with our age other than a few people surprized by the 9 year gap.
It looks to me though OP you're intentionally sabotaging yourself here. Not only are you looking for guys to fill some void but you're looking for validation with guys you can't have, guys who are not yours to have and guys you know you don't have a future with. That's a bit messed up don't you think? For someone who hates being alone you sure do sound like you hate being with someone you have a chance with too.
My fiancée was only 19 when we started going out, she didn't need a man, she didn't hate being alone and she certainly wasn't looking to be with a man to fill some void. In other words she wasn't desperate and she didn't get with me to solve some kind of emotional problem she had.
Forget the older man thing, it's a non-issue. You like who you like but you really need to examine your "need", examine why you choose guys you can't have. There is a contradiction in how you date and what you do and I have to say you're not going to feel more validated by having flings with older married men, you're still going to feel alone and empty.
You need to ask yourself why you do all this and what benefit it's going to have for you in the future. What is it you feel is missing that you think men can fix?
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (20 January 2013):
 Problem with dating older men is if you end up with one long term they will die before you (men have shorter life expectancy a anyway) so you will be left on your own for your pension years! Look at all the lonely old ladies...
Obviously a long way off for you now! But just a thought...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I love dating older guys also but married older man NO! I feel like this a married man is off limits he could never be on a same pace with you because his heart belongs to someone else.You don't want sloppy seconds do you or be the other woman all your life do you?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): I do not see any problem with your habit preferring older men. But if I were you, once (at least) I would compare a younger to the olders.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2013): Its up to you who you go out with and aslong as their not in love with anyone else. And the fact that you usually go for older men thats
obviously shows that older man are your type and if your after a long
term boyfriend then older men are usually more at the stage of settling down. But the most important thing is that you and the other person have chemistry with each other and that you both want the same thing. So dont worry about the age.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 January 2013):
You say that older men know how to treat a woman, could I politely suggest that a married man who is cheating on his wife with you doesn’t really know how to treat a woman well. Do you want to be lied to like that? Carry on falling for men like that, and that’s all you can expect.
Age isn’t the issue with these guys, the issue is that they’re unavailable cheats. Yes of course there are many older men that would treat you very well indeed, but don’t think that you can predict how well or badly you’ll be treated by some-one because of his age. You might meet a man your age who will treat you wonderfully, and an older man who’ll be awful. You have to look at each person as an individual.
With that said, is there anything wrong in itself with dating older men? No. If you’re attracted to older men that’s fine. I’m in full agreement with Kenny. However, whilst it is true that age is just a number, you have to think about whether you’re at different stages of life and whether that means your expectations and wishes are incompatible. Think about it this way: if you dated some-one in his late 50s at your age, some people might be shocked at such a massive age gap. But the reality is that the relationship wouldn’t fail because of his number of years, but because of the fact that whilst he’s thinking about winding down and retiring in 10 or so years, you’ll have another 30 years of your working life left at that point, not to mention the fact that you may want to do travelling, university, working very hard to build a career, or all the other possibilities open to a person of your age. So the golden rule: Make sure they’re available and compatible. The bigger the age gap, the more difficult a relationship’s going to be. That’s not because of society’s shock (though you’d have to deal with that), but because the compatibility of life stages is likely to be less.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 January 2013):
 There is nothing wrong in dating older men atal, after all age is only a number at the end of the day, however i don't agree with it if they are married. We all aspire to different things in life, all got different likes and tastes, so you prefer a man to be older than yourself, alot of women date a man who is older. You have got to do what makes you happy, and if this is it then go for it.
Good luck
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