A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for three years now, and in that time he has been perfect. He is loyal, respectful, loving and kind. However, I myself havent not been an angel. Although I didn't do anything obviously wrong I have sometimes crossed the line. For instance, I used to be a regular on particular website, which he knew about. However, he did specify that I wasn't to have any inappropriate contact with other members, which I did. He forgave me for this. There have been two other incidents similar to this as well, both of which he has forgiven me for. He doesn't hold a grudge and the relationship is fantastic. However, I dont know how he does it. How can he just move on from my betrayal and act like everything is fine. He will be angry for maybe four days but after that things get back to normal. Does he secretly hold a grudge or is he really over the stuff?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 I have got the feeling you are an Agony Aunt who posted here recently about other issues. Would you be by any chance the one who is not allowed to have a male driving instructor ?.... If that's you, darling, you know what many of us think. And you know that the problem is not the grudge that he may be holding or not- the problem is the entire relationship !
Which, now that I think of it, still applies also if you are another person. Wtf??? You are not allowed to advise male members of Dear Cupid ??? I don't agree with Karen1989, he does not sound like a swell guy to me, he sounds more like an insane control freak. So the interesting question would be : why do you accept these maniacal limitations ?..
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 July 2010):
 If I was you there is no way I would accept to be bossed around like you are being. You can't talk to males on dearcupid? That is nonsense. If it was a dating website I could understand, but not just an online network like this. And you are not allowed to meet friends he doesn't like? Or you are not allowed to go clubbing? This man is insanely jealous and I don't see why you should take on any blame for being a free human. He does not "owe" you, and has zero rights to demand who you talk to or not.
But of course, if you from the very start said you wouldn't do any of these things, then you are in the wrong for doing them. Im just saying there is no way I'd ever agree to such rules in my own relationship. They strike me as caveman rules.
I don't think your man holds any grudges, at least he has no right to. You are already giving up so much of your own freedom he should be happy you even stay his girlfriend. To be honest.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (10 July 2010):
just because your forgiven more then once does not mean you can keep hurting this guy that you say you love:( in the end you will end up alone because we could only put up with so much !!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): Hello I am the OP and thank you all for your answers. It was actually this website, and the inappropriate contact was with male agony aunts (uncles) talking privately about DC related stuff. It wasn't anything sexual at all which is the impression I seem to have given. It was just that, I became a regular agony aunt here but I promised my partner I wouldn't speak to male members. Its not that anything is missing in my relationship, but simply I just got a bit too involved giving advice and I found a social outlet here. I live in a strange town, (2 hours from where I grew up) with my partner who is very much older than myself. I have no friends here and nothing to do and DC became a hobby, a distraction. The other two times were - flirting with another guy about a week into the relationship and also two years ago, I secretly arranged to go out with a female friend of mine who he didn't like- we were meant to go clubbing and this was one of the things that we agreed at the start of our relationship was a no no. I realise that I have crossed or at least stepped on the lines which our relationship is based on. But it wasn't 'seedy' behaviour at all. I just wanted to clear that up. Thank you all again for your answers. I do try to not get into these situations and as it only happens evey so often with almost a year between them, I do think that its somewhat forgivable its just the fact that the relationship goes back to exactly as it was and I cannot help but wonder if something is amiss.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (10 July 2010):
Some are able to forgive and forget.
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A
female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Ask yourself why you have to visit theses websites? is there something missing in your relationship?
Have you ever been cheated on?..or has a man ever behaved innapropriately with another women whilst being in a relationship with you? if so how did it make you feel?..pretty hurt i bet. Thats how your boyfriends feeling. You know how much it hurts so why would you inflict it on somebody else? This problem is easily solved, hes forgiven you more than once (what a guy) all you have to do is not do it again. (next time he might not be so forgiving)
Think about what i said first of all though-is there something missing in your relationship,why else would you feel the need to visit the websites? He sounds like a really swell guy but maybe hes just not the right person for you.
You can read all the advice dear cupid readers have provided for this question,but only you know your true feelings for your partner and only you know the ins and outs of your relationship you can take the advice, but at the end of the day its up to you what next step to take.
All i'm gona say is if you carry on going to these websites your hurting him,and if you really care about him you wouldnt want to do that. whats more important..the seedy websites? or your relationship?
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (10 July 2010):
 Define "inappropriate contact". Is this to mean you had sexual chats with strange men over the internet?
Some men are secure enough to realize that you're going to stray and they know you'll still tough it out with them. Perhaps you keep doing this to tweak him, break him, or challenge him.
And so now you're wondering where his limits are, perhaps?
I suppose he has multiple lines in the sand and as you progress farther and farther to the point of no return, you might actually break him at some juncture.
Let me make a suggestion, either you're in it with him for the full ride, or you're just using him till something better comes along.
Try and focus on him instead of wondering if he has a grudge. When you're giving your attention to another man, you're telling your man that he isn't good enough for you.
If there's something he's not doing for you that you'd like him to, ask him to. If he can't, then think about where your relationship is going to be in 5, 15 and 20 years. Then re-evaluate what you want in your heart of hearts.
Honestly, you're going to keep hurting him as long as you keep doing what you're doing. Its fine if you stick to parameters but you seem to want to challenge him at every turn. This isn't healthy.
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