A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am a 20 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now. He is absolutely wonderful and I love him. Our sex life also has been good but there were couple times he had some trouble performing. A few days ago, I found prescription viagra under his name in his drawers. I think he has an idea that I saw it but I acted like nothing happened because I didn't want to confront him if he was not ready to tell me the issue himself. But it has been really bugging me, i feel quite restless and anxious. I want to talk to him about it but i am not sure if i should since it could be quite embarrassing for a man to admit stuff like this and it could hurt his self esteem. This does not change the way i look at him. But i need a way to change the way i am feeling and i do not know what to do about it because i dont want this to affect our relationship in a negative way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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self esteem, sex life, viagra Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): If it is the subject of a prescription he has already consulted his doctor, an presumably been cleared of any contra-indications, so it should not be harming his health.I'm guessing you are feeling concerned that you don't insoire and arouse him sufficiently without chemical help?Don't be: ED can strike at any age and is not under his control. He is hiding it because he is ashamed and embarrassed, I bet, and also does't want you to feel that he loves you less or doesn't find you exciting.Leave it; he will tell you as and when he feels able tom but certainly don't confront him or make an issue out if it because it isn't.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2010): I have zero erection issues, and I am twice his age...however, I had to take Levitra for a while because I had my first new partner in many years, and had a bit of perfomance anxiety. Maybe he is just a bit nervous for some reason. Some younger guys also take it because it makes a 90% erection 100%. So it is an enhancer. Either way, he should be open to discuss it. I admit, I hid it from my GF...just becuae I didnt wnat her thinking our sex was propped up by drugs. But in fact, it was just to give me the boost and confidence. I would let it slide. If he is sensitive, this might deflate his ego, and if that is the cause of his ED, it will put him back at ground zero.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Well...
The question that comes to my mind is how old is your boyfriend? The reason I ask is because if he is your age (18-21) then I would be greatly concerned that he takes Viagra and NEEDS to take it. Wanting to take it is another ballgame.
Young men his age should not need to take Viagra. If a young man is having trouble with erections and needs to take Viagra, there could be possible issues with cardiovascualar problems or arterial issues - both of which are not good for young men. However, if he is simply taking Viagra to have an erection everytime he or you wants to have sex, then there's nothing really to be concerned about.
If you really want to know why he's taking Viagra, then ask him. He shouldn't be embarrased to talk to the woman he's having sex with. Find out if he is really having problems with erections or if it is recreational. The reason I say this is because if he is truly having issues with erections secondary to a cardiovascular issue, you might want to consider telling him to find another doctor. Like I said earlier, most young men don't need Viagra. But if he is having trouble achieving and maintaining an erection, then you know that he needs it and can make it part of your foreplay. Don't make him feel bad about it. Support him. Let him know you care and that's why you're asking. He might be embarrased, but he should be able to talk to you about it.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): hiding such a delicate matter is wrong,besides dont you think many women start to feel inadequate,ugly if her man cant get it up,its an issue as a couple if you dont talk you are both affected
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010): You say you would like "to confront" him? Pray tell, why? Do you think you are his mother, his priest, his jailer, or his parole officer? Do you condemn him for taking it? Why do you think this is an issue at all? If there's any issue here, it's that he kept it a secret from you, not that he's discovered the drug, which is one of the miracles of science. But then he seems to have learned that you're someone to keep this kind of secret from. He feels he can't trust you to accept him...
If I were your boyfriend and "confronted" me and made Viagra an "issue," you'd be finding a new boyfriend within the hour.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (10 July 2010):
Not a good idea. It would seriously damage him if you said anything. Let him come to you, if he wants. If you say something to him, it could make him feel worse. When he is ready, he will say something.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (10 July 2010):
just sit with him privately and bring it up in a non threatining manner.. you need to be able to talk about anything in a relationship and to me this is minor.
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