A
female
age
51-59,
*arefree
writes:I'm confused and lost. I'm totally in-love w my guy friend of many years. I never in a million years thought that he would be interested in a me. I never thought I was his type. Recently, he's been giving me compliments. Most of communications are via text that are initiated by me. Our txts can go anywhere from 5-9hrs. He's 37 so if this is just a joke, it wouldn't make any sense. He's the one who has taken our friendship to the next level via tx but doesn't make any time for us to hang out. He tells me he misses me and would like to see me but needs to make the time and nothing ever happens. He tells me how much fun I am and that I'm so sexy and etc... Then no face to face meetings. I've been battling this for almost one month now. I know he's got a busy schedule and is on-call most of the time but I also think that might be an excuse. I'm so frustrated and confused by him. I'm being patient and cool w him but it's driving me kinda crazy. What is my friend doing? What does he want? Is he just flirting w me and that's it? I would like to know what men think. Is my friend playing games w me or does he just need time? Please help
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (23 November 2010):
 Hmmm, I'm afraid I'm on board with QuirkLady. The more that someone is into you, the more they will actively try to spend time with you. He's probably content with your sexting conversations. Why wouldn't he be?
Since you guys have been friends for a while, he may not be sure about taking it to that next level. Any time we develop feelings for a friend, we then start weighing what that friendship is worth to us and if it's worth risking. He may value you as a friend too much to want to risk losing that. When you start dating, the relationship changes forever. Sometimes it's everything you dreamed it would be and sometimes it ends costing you a very dear friend. He may not want to risk it.
Because of your ability to talk about anything with each other, it's time for you to talk to him (not text) about what you're feeling. Decide what you want and tell him so that he can have no doubt about where you stand. Then it will be on him to decide if this is what he wants too. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I don't see this as hopeless as he may be legitimately too busy for dating right now, but I definitely see warning signs.
Let him know that these conversations that "take it to the next level" mean something to you, and it's not fair if they don't mean the same thing to him. Good luck.
A
male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 :) anytime. Message me if you need anything
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A
female
reader, carefree +, writes (21 November 2010):
carefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Ranca! I guess I have to let him know but I've got no clue how I'm gonna bring this up. :( Thank you for the advice.
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A
male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (21 November 2010):
Agreed. Either he is playing games or he is scared to come forward. Lol either way both are playing games. Needs to be honest, as do you. You could talk to him about it and see what he says. Or don't respond to advances and see how he reacts about it. Only respond to friend level things and if/when he reacts to it, wondering what's up then bring it up.
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A
female
reader, carefree +, writes (21 November 2010):
carefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBtw, I'm pretty sure he's not a shy guy. He has women drooling for him all the time and he pretty much knows it too I'm sure. At first, he was kinda hesistant to take this to the next level, so asked me via txt. He's not one of those typical shy guys.
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A
female
reader, carefree +, writes (21 November 2010):
carefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello QuirkLady! Thank you. I don't know if I just wanna believe you or what but that's what I was afraid of. I guess deep down inside I feel what you are saying to be true and feel stupid. What doesn't make sense to me is why would my guy friend of 5 yrs be so stupid? I never acted that I liked him in that way and all of a sudden he's the one who's brought all this up. Maybe I was a chanllenge for him and now that he's realized I might like him too the rush is over? anyhow, I feel like he's being so stupid. Thank you for the advice.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (21 November 2010):
 If he's not making time to see you, he's not really interested. He's just playing around and blowing your little head up for the ego rush. Now he's got you thinking about him and saving yourself for him while he is going out and living his life.
Seriously, the guy is playing games. Take it for what it is...nothing but talk.
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A
female
reader, carefree +, writes (21 November 2010):
carefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you... I know his relationship history. We actually talk a lot about the people we date. Both him and I were in a long term relationshp for 7 yrs that ended many years ago. He has dated many girls and he's always ended them after a few month. His biggest complaint has always been that they were too immature, demanding and just wouldn't relax and enjoy the moment. He's has also expressed ( a couple of years ago) that he would like to be in a relationship and start a family which kinda surprised me. I can txt him with any questions (like a question about a car I'm buying, or if I'm bummed cuz something is going not going right at work or a relationshp) and he'll txt me right away and cheer me up. I know we don't hang out but I feel like he's always there for me emotionally and is supportive. Not sure if he's like that w/ everyone else or not. I know he's telling the truth about bein on-call and working long hours but what is confusing me is that since he's kinda taking things to the next lever via text why doesn't he make plans to hang out? He says he'd love to and wants to see me but Nothing ever happens. I even gave him a date which is like a month away, he said he had to check his schedule at work to see if it works. One week has passed and nothing has happended. I'm not sure if he just gets a kick out of sexting or just is too embarrassed to face me after all this. I have to say that I love him. He's been my friend for so many yrs and I dont wanna come across as some crazy pushy girl that he's dated. I liek to enjoy these moments with him but I feel that he just keeps me at an arms length. Is this norma? I would love to have the guys opinion on this as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): I bet he's just a busy guy and wants to spend time with you but is unable so he may be trying to make up for it with the long text conversations? He also could be shy? I think patience is in line here and it sounds like youve done just that. Have you tried to call him yourself and ask whats up? Perhaps if he sees your eager he may just be more motivated to hook up sooner with you. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2010): ~HONESTY IS BEST~
Write him a letter, if he is unavailable for whatever reason to speak, clearly and honestly informing him of your feelings for him and what you desire from your and his relationship at this point..AND..in sharing this with him, know that his perspective on these two points might oppose yours..AND..should such be the reality than respect it.
Relationships are rarely balanced, and from a those that continually blossom are those molded of dual flexibility..and..should you find that this approach completely fails your desire, than the ethical thing to do would be for you to move on...and...appreciate his friendship.
God Bless~
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A
female
reader, betty325 +, writes (21 November 2010):
Is he recently out of a relationship by chance? Some guys are just more adventurous via txt than in person. He just might be shy. If you've been friends for a while keep in mind his relationship history.
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A
male
reader, Racna1305 +, writes (21 November 2010):
Thing is, you can play mind games with yourself when it comes to feelings. Maybe he really is on call? Why dont you ask him how he feels and how you feel. If you guys have been friends this long im sure nothing negative will come of it. He is prolly scared to come forward with you guys being friends and all, once you cross that line its difficult to get things back to normal if things dont work out. Ask yourself if you like him and then if so you should tell him how you feel, flirt back with him and see where it goes from there. If still nothing comes from that then tell him how you feel and then explain you are confused and getting mixed feelings, im sure he will understand
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